James Bond supervillains threaten to blow up the world with their big laser unless you pay them a trillion dollars. Real American supervillains embed themselves in the economy and threaten to cause a depression unless you subsidize their sex robots and the weird chatbots they use to avoid humans.

Trying to figure out which hallmark movie to watch tonight "Holly, a passionate glassblower,..." say no more

Anyone hating on Key Lime or Apple pies is a two-bit, trick-ass bitch.

This joke is so dad it told me youll get em next time champ after loosing the big game

This is what prison is supposed to be for. But the prisons are full of people who used drugs while the criminals are running the government. These people need to be permanently removed from society with whatever force is necessary to make the point that this cannot ever be allowed to happen again.

the thing about the loch ness monster is i really want it to be real

Man Hoping People Notice How Many Folding Chairs He’s Carrying At Once https://theonion.com/man-hoping-people-notice-how-many-folding-chairs-he-s-c-1819576444/

It’s grink season

First Secretary of Defense you could defeat by painting a tunnel on the side of a boulder.

Page One in Cincinnati: “.. I need to be able to look my grandkids in the eye and say I did not remain silent.” #ICE

James Comey indictment dismissed Good. It was a political prosecution Comey had this to say… Nope gonna stop you right now idgaf

Just because Trump brought RFK Jr. aboard to firm up the kook vote doesn't mean health writers have to keep looking for some kernel of truth in there somewhere.

this is mesmerizing

Time off begins now so a lunchtime cocktail will be had before the cleaning, baking, and meal prep starts for real.

lindsey halligan can go back to her previous job as an extra on dynasty

"You'll be visited by three spirits." The three spirits;

#OnThisDay in 1988, MST3K premiered on Minneapolis UHF station KTMA-TV! 🤖📷Before Comedy Central, Turkey Day marathons, or “Movie Sign!”, it was just Joel, some homemade robots & a terrible movie on a shoestring budget. Gypsy! Cambot! Tom Servo! Crowwwww

It’s that time of year. My annual How to Draw a Turkey Tutorial.

so glad Vin Scully died before he had to do an ad read for DraftKings boosted live parlay odds

Gender is a spectrum from just wanting have fun to being back in town, and to varying degrees, each of us contains attributes of both, which is a beautiful thing

What fictional creature/villain traumatized you as a child? Behold: the face of evil:

“EXCUSE ME, it is illusionist” the magician outing himself after hearing this

I don’t go looking for mess, but if you’re spilling tea within earshot I am going to listen

Good news @ericstephen.bsky.social: it’s delicious too

There’s nothing like a circle of women who want the best for each other. Women who strategize. Women who mediate between one another and manipulate the world with a unified, equitable objective. You were probably taught that this isn’t our nature. Society stole that from you. We are the best at it.

that which does not kill you will only be denied coverage by insurance

When it takes scanning negatives from 1984 to recall that you've photographed Fernando Valenzuela.

can you die of too much news

every week just gets weirder tbh

charisma is the one thing all the angry little nerds can’t build and can’t buy no matter how rich they get or how much of society they destroy and I just think that’s beautiful

Apparently when you spend all week in meetings with JD Vance and Stephen Miller, the charismatic Muslim communist you want to deport is a breath of fresh air.

Look at this rectangular dog

Massive shoutout out to whoever handles the Royal Canadian Air Force’s social media account. They responded to every single comment on their already very solid Trans Day of Remembrance post and they responded like this…

This Vegas GP qualifying is a mess

Kelsie Whitmore, Ayami Sato, Mo'ne Davis, and Ashton Lansdell are among the names who went off the board in the first round. In total, players from the U.S., Canada, Australia, U.K., Curacao, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Japan, and South Korea were selected for the inaugural season.

OnlyFans but it’s just me cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer

OnlyFans but it’s just me touching the thermostat when you said to not to.

This is lovely

Nice!!!!

Ball of Duty

Hungry Man frozen dinner = entrée the giant

VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM, YOU FLAMING SHITBIRDS. WE HAVE, IN FACT, NOT IGNORED YOUR NOW-DEFUNCT HYPOTHESIS. WE INVESTIGATED IT TO THE TUNE OF STUDIES WITH DATA FROM MILLIONS OF KIDS.

THIS

Left: DM Right: only pic posted, yup energy so calm, nailed it sir

When somebody asks for a new photo of me I send this.

This is what makes women’s sports great

me: i don’t feel safe with other people. like, any praise in general my brain dismisses it Therapist Who is a Caveman: me see. you am deserve love. we all am. yes. need love survive me: i guess. it’s just hard trying to function when you still got your training wheels on Caveman Therapist: wheel?

What a Baller!