i’m sorry but ‘literally died of hard heartedness’ is the most hack writing yet in an already weak season

(I absolutely stole this)

If I had a friend who was nice to me in private but a complete bastard to the vulnerable & oppressed in public then he wouldn’t be my friend.

Lindsey Graham, Conor McGregor’s knee, and Mitch McConnell.

Said in a speech less than two weeks after the U.S. double-tap strike that killed 168 at an elementary school, mostly little girls under age 12. And Lindsey punctuated it with a snickering laugh. Not only will I not take the high road with him, I am suspicious of anyone who does.

“We’re killing all the right people.” —Lindsey Graham

correct you if you’re wrong?? bitch this is the internet i’ll correct you even if youre right

I was hanging out with a 7-year old when I held up a nearby book and said, “This is one of the best books of all time.” He looked at the cover and said, “Then why doesn’t it have an award?” The book was written and illustrated by his mother, who was sitting right next to us. May she rest is peace.

I’m so mad. I just went to a baptism and there was literally no intercutting with murders of the family’s rivals. What a ripoff.

Remember: If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, they must really suck.

Remember: If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, they must really suck.

Mainstream Respectable opinion is that people joking about a bad person's death represents a culture of cruelty, but really it represents a culture of impunity. It's a coping mechanism for watching someone do evil their whole life and never seeing consequences

i stand corrected

"Tributes Pour In for Senator Lindsey Graham", then a dramatic blank space on the landing page of NYT.

Imagine how many people lost what they thought were safe Polymarket bets on Mitch McConnell being the next senator to die.

Lindsey Graham sold whatever there was of his soul and integrity to go all in on supporting Trump, who will make it roughly 1.75 sentences into talking about Graham’s passing before rambling about the 2020 election being rigged or the Iran war going well or whichever catchphrase enters his brain.

I read the news today, OH BOY!!!

These things always happen in threes. These things always happen in threes. These things always happen in threes. These things always happen in threes. These things always happen in threes. These things always happen in threes. These things always happen in threes.

He never deleted it.

“Lindsey Graham taught me that it was okay to be dead.” - Mitch McConnell

Say what you will about Lindsey Graham.

You really don't need the end of this headline, do you

Looking forward to Argentina vs. Switzerland: Who Holds More Nazi Gold?

Gotta learn more about soccer just so I can stop disappointing chatty cab drivers.

Pausa de hidratación

Bringing one of the best tweets of all time over to Bluesky in honour of the Three Lions QF victory

trauma plot? no, sorry, you misheard me, I'm describing a Troma plot. yeah. yeah, hence the penis monster, yup.

My vet recommended a movie and it was bad. Now I'm worried about my dog's health.

Incredible flex

How much longer must we wait to sing Ding Dong The Mitch Is Dead?

please be patient with me, i wasn’t listening

Pediatric medicine and graphic design are my passions

Summer weather reports in New York should include a smell factor. This morning, for instance, it isn’t even 80 yet, but it smells 88. Careful out there, folks. It’s gonna be a ripe one.

Ryan Murphy sprang fully formed out of this image.

check his Polymarket account

We should invent a kind of canceling where the guy goes away

stunning Paris was how this whole mess got started

“My bad” is a better apology than most public figures who owe serious apologies ever give.

We’re a few good lamps and tabletop Pac-Man games away from drastically improving the vibes in this country.

Every conservative pundit’s working overtime to try to make Platner’s sexual assault the face of the New Democratic Party and Donny can’t help but go “well hold on a minute, maybe she made it up”. What an incredible political specimen.

Too many people are too easily convinced some men are bold iconoclasts when really they've just never been forced to behave since they were born into privilege. Trump. Musk. Platner. Remember when Charlie Sheen went fully off the rails and some people treated him like a prophet? A telling moment.

I have thought of this strip many times with Trump in office.

Subway Takes: So what's your take? Me: The Subway Takes thing is annoying. Subway Takes: Hundred percent... wait. Me: It's just tired shtick now. Nothing personal. [awkward silence] MTA announcer: This train is being held momentarily due to a police investigation in the next station.

Maybe the solution to the male loneliness crisis is working in an NBA front office. Imagine coordinating a six team trade. So many phone calls with your dudes naming some guys.

there is a cohort of men who resent the responsibilities and obligations of adulthood — of the fact that you owe things to other people. it is a fundamentally childish impulse that they have reconfigured as the height of masculinity, and i think it informs the parasocial attraction to platner.

Shocking facts include: -More Garys than you'd think -Include Tim Blake Nelson -Used to dominate basketball

Maybe as a society we should stop using unapologetic as a compliment for a while.

DUE PROCESS IS FOR THE DEPRIVATION OF RIGHTS, NOT FOR THE AWARDING OF MASSIVE POWERS. Nobody has a constitutional right to be a US Senator. You can just decide that you've heard enough, and that the Nazi-curious misogynist with a record of rape and abuse doesn't need to get the keys to the country.