sure, health outcomes are worse, we’re drowning in debt, and the planet is burning up, BUT this truly is a golden age of novelty movie theater popcorn buckets

I cannot stop laughing at this. They were so close to cracking lmao #InfoWars #MAJA

b-b-but I was told if I simply carried the scorpion across the river, it wouldn’t sting me 😭😭😭

Upon hearing the news, Collins expressed concern but said she would still be voting to confirm Platner to the Supreme Court

You fool, don't you realize that actually some white supremacists hate Donald Trump? Don't you feel stupid now, you fucking simp?

sure, health outcomes are worse, we’re drowning in debt, and the planet is burning up, BUT this truly is a golden age of novelty movie theater popcorn buckets

literally watergate

the main theme of this presidency has been an obsession with bodies of water. from the first act in office (renaming it the Gulf of America) to the Strait or Hormuz to the reflecting pool. I predict Trump starts a beef with Hurricane Harbor next.

Trump negotiating with Iran:

when I was a child a lot of people told me “you should be a lawyer” and now that I’m an adult (and a lawyer) I have realized that‘s something you say to kids who are annoying.

'We are clamping down on the harm caused by social media. 'Read all about it on the Nazi pogrom deepfake abuse website'

NEW YORK CITY YOU LISTEN TO ME, IF YOU'RE NEAR A CONVENIENCE STORE RIGHT NOW—ANY TYPE OF 24-HOUR STORE—GO INTO THE STORE RIGHT NOW AND PUT YOUR HAND IN THE CASH REGISTER FOR NO REASON. THEIR MONEY IS YOUR MONEY AS OF RIGHT NOW.

Mariska doing a matinee and a 7 pm performance of her one-woman Broadway show and then watching the greatest comeback in Finals history actually looks like the Jordan flu game

looking especially fat and red 🤞

hell ya let's awaken some Kaiju

b-b-b-b-b-b-basketball

Bad Bunny will voice Pizza With Sunglasses in "TOY STORY 5'

Bad Bunny will voice Pizza With Sunglasses in "TOY STORY 5'

applaud this as the thing that will likely, finally, give Elon Musk a stroke

I will never stop talking about this: The lovely and profound "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" is from an NYT article about the author accidentally being CC'd on an email where his friends were making fun of him for renting goats.

Congratulations to Jeff Bezos on turning The Washington Post into an even cheaper-looking copy of Ben Shapiro's Daily Wire. You saw an overcrowded field of whiny young reactionaries complaining about the most mundane grievances and said, wait, wait, we can do that too!

1349th in line?? This is an affront to every millennial in Brooklyn. Zohran needs to fix this

Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

Back to School. Starring LeBron who retires from the NBA and goes to college to play in the March Madness tournament with his son.

The good news is, there are a lot of experienced, trained professionals on hand who can quickly gather all the appropriate facts and tell us exactly how this is bad news for the Democrats in the midterms.

doubtful. they didn't blink when Trump called them piggies. they know what they are and they love it.

It’s not just the headline. That third paragraph is gross. NYT saw an opportunity to put down Mamdani and minimize sexual assault in one fell swoop and they took it. Trash author, trash newspaper.

JD VANCE: Well, everyone knows the Pope is Catholic. What my statement presupposes is... maybe he isn’t?

“hey, Melania. It’s your lawyer. Yea, the Iran war thing is winding down. We lost. Yea, exactly, perfect time to remind everyone about your and your husband’s friendship with Epstein.”

I have these images saved on my phone from 2019. oh boy did we not know how bad it’d get

Dansby Swanson is going to be one of my “name a guy” guys in 20 years. What a name

the NCAA women's tournament getting Red Panda and the NCAA men's tournament getting the Chainsmokers is a great example of how toxic masculinity harms men too

it's worth noting that the quote they went out of their way to make look stupid was expressing a reasonable point — a restatement of the long-standing official US policy in fact! — and the quote they clean up and sanitize is expressing a deranged threat of war crimes in an illegal conflict

me and my bro got our fingers stuck in Chinese finger trap

Being in your 30s is crazy. You wake up one day and just have a “bad ankle” now.

OH. MY. GAWD.

if you max out your speed, you can clip through the Garden of Gethsemane, allowing you to save Mary Magdalene while still avoiding crucifixion.

timeline cleanse

I don’t know what matcha is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

"he's in great spirits" is exactly how you'd describe someone having a good day in hospice

to his credit, Trump embarking on one of the most disastrous & pointless military campaigns this century HAS made me forget he’s close personal friends with a pedophile.

Had to doublecheck the date on this

What can you even say? These people deserve their inevitable humiliation and the nation deserves journalists with more self-respect.