this is the weekend everyone’s boyfriend suddenly turns into a logician

Now that Zohran is mayor, have any billionaires left NYC yet? I am looking to adverse possess a penthouse

Sloppy steaks at Truffoni’s

I’m from Whoville, and I say kill the Grinch!

Nice reply "owning" me, unfortunately you parsed 2 levels of irony but missed completely the third, wherein it's clear I'm making fun of the persona your reply intended to critique. That being said I'm still hurt to an almost unimaginable degree

what's wrong with this guy

TRUMP [after spending 5 minutes with Zohran]: surplus value, it’s a very wonderful thing, very wonderful, and they’re stealing it. Can you believe that? We’re going to be looking very strongly at the bourgeoisie, what they’re up to

it's so funny to watch the far right White House press pool try to bait Trump to say something nasty about Mamdani and every time he's just like "nah this guy rocks"

We should talk more about how conservatives were massive crybabies about the new lightbulb regulations and yet it ended up great and I basically never have to change lightbulbs.

Sure. "The Grand Jury did not see the operative indictment" is the kind of fuckup where lawyers literally don't actually know what happens next because it SO fundamental a thing that it is LITERALLY possible nobody had even thought of this as a thing that could happen.

ChatGPT has democratized CEO brain. it’s given everyone the opportunity to hear how right and brilliant they are for every thought. and much like CEOs, it drives a quarter of people fully insane.

the “but I really wanna” exception to The Constitution.

ghislaine is wrapping herself up in toilet paper and pretending to be a mummy. it’s scaring all the guards. despicable…

me reaping: me sowing:

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

“We recreated Hitler’s DNA” seems like a bad idea based on, I don’t know, the entire body of science fiction literature

uncanny

the Zohran campaign goes to show how much your local DSA chapter can accomplish if they stop watching wrestling

Strong closing message. I dare you to find one thing you disagree with

Do I have to watch all 162 games before this to understand what’s happening?

POSTER: I made my classic post about tech CTO’s creating the torment nexus to highlight the recklessness and poor media literacy of tech CTOs TECH CTO: the torment nexus post is a cautionary tale about being mean to me

Under-recognized side effect of the end of the monoculture: people showing me videos to explain their Halloween costumes. 🙅‍♂️ no thank you

[repeating myself louder in the haunted house attraction] did the dracula throw water on anyone else’s pants??

choose your fighter

CHOTINER: So you asked for a Birkin bag? KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag. CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this? KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable. KOKO: Hostility Interviewer

CHOTINER: now you announced, after eating your entree, that you were “literally stuffed.” Literally? ME: I meant metaphorically. CHOTINER: It was a big meal? ME: It was a big meal, right. CHOTINER: And yet records reflect you also ordered a dessert. ME: desserts go to a separate stomach, OK?

“A tiger, an elephant, a giraffe…”

@inpredict.bsky.social hi Mike, big fan of the Precap. Flagging it didn’t seem to update for 10/22 games. Also curious if there’ll ever be an option to go one day further back? Would be useful for the days where there’s only one or two games.

time for my annual rewatch of this classic

On the fence before but I’m all-in now.

BOSS: hey you’re focused on getting that report together, right? ME: ya sure MY BRAIN (on a loop): Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-basketball, gimme, gimme, gimme the ball because I'm gonna DUNK IT!

Rockets coach Ime Udoka said the opening night starting lineup vs OKC will be the jumbo lineup of Amen Thompson, Kevin Durant, Jabari Smith Jr., Alperen Şengün and Steven Adams.

it's been rhetorically asked "do NYT journalists know how to wipe their own ass?" and they've graciously answered: no, it's impossible to tell what that mysterious brown liquid is, and experts are divided as to whether I need to wipe it.

Do you think I’d explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I made the NYPD woke 35 minutes ago.

Oh. My. Goodness. Shohei Ohtani for the second time. 116.9 mph EV 469 feet (!!!!)

A great weekend to share Jeff Bridges making a perfect joke

the reverse Tungsten Arm O’Doyle

“honey, remember when I said I would still love you if you were a bug?” GREGOR’s GF: yea, why? “well, funny story,”

It’s that time of year again

this exists it is called thinking

if Jimmy Kimmel's political humor is too hot for you to handle, I'm not sure "snowflake" even cuts it as a term of derision for the level of fragility you've achieved

This guy kind of rules.

“Chat, what up, today we’re interfering with an active crime scene”

Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker (D) on the shooting of Charlie Kirk: "Political violence, unfortunately, has ramped up in this country ... I think there are people who are fomenting it in this country. I think the president's rhetoric often foments it."

If all my friends called me a pedophile in my birthday book I'd probably kill myself too