This is so much more embarrassing than the actual loss could ever have been.

beavers always tell you they "need to" bite trees cause it keeps their teeth "under control" and it's like, bro listen to yourself. that's the teeth talking

Merry Chrysler to those whomst celebrate 🦝🎄

Instead of three, why not save time and get visited by one very large ghost?

Note: also applies to peoples that are "only" like, a tenth of a billionaire. The cutoff line is way lower than that. I haven't decided where but... lower

Merry Christmas one and all!!!

hey so Erin is family to a close friend and I'm posting this on her behalf as she doesn't use social media much. please boost this and circulate it as your can. Erin really needs help to remain housed and feed. thank you #transcrowdfund 💕💸🏳️‍⚧️ www.gofundme.com/f/please-hel...

People leave out mince pies and cookies for Santa, but the reindeer only get carrots. The only exception is Donner, who has dietary restrictions and gets a pass to eat the same kind of party food Santa does. Google "Donner pass party food" for more information

I don't know about you folks, but I'm starting to think this man has a bad brain

Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger (2024) Episode 42

My environmental concern over air travel is starting to give me a weird bias against vacation pictures. "You got on a plane, motherfucker?" I've done way too much air travel to allow this beast to continue to live in my head.

Nevada clearly doesn't even have a definition for a "flood watch".

Sounds like some students need to flood them with complaints. "Oh, did you have to suspend your entire staff? Maybe the policy is bad."

Since we’re on the topic of asking people for comment …

Folks, it's Mussolini

oh noooo

Pod-people-assed forks

A lot of news articles struggle to describe the relationship between Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein. Writers experience cognitive dissonance because she found out her guy was into pedophilia and she said "I can help!" They've never experienced that kind of "ride or die" love. In this essay

I've been listening to a less-than-one-hour podcast episode about "Louie Louie" for three days, a few minutes at a time. I find this song so tiresome.

I was reading some research about the impact of pub culture on the genetic make-up of the UK. Basically, centuries of getting drunk and coping off in the local has localised breeding to the level where there's a big uptick of recessive disorders in the UK due to Inn-breeding.

SIMPLY HAVING A

"Gosh, I wonder what five-letter name they blacked out here?"

They say never to attribute malice when incompetence is a reasonable cause but come on, this wasn't an accident, right?

This actually helps explain the writing, if she can't see more than one or two lines at a time. (And never rereads the draft.) (And has no editor.)

i say this with nothing but love for all of you to whom this applies, but the moral rot in elite journalism is because journalism is a trade and it should be done by tradespeople and instead it's been professionalized in a way that makes it cozy to capital instead

To reiterate, BlueSky needs to get their shit together on the video player: This week's amateur-hour bug: more than once, I've seen the audio desynchronize from the video by about half a second, and I get the feeling it would desynchronize more if longer videos worked for more than a minute or so.

I fuckin' hate boxing but this weekend I hate it a little bit less.

Forget the unreliable narrator. Give me an unreliable tutorial. Guy who straight up gaslight you about what the buttons do.

So an act of piracy then …

People with ADHD have been asking many questions. Questions such as, “where the fuck is the thing that was in my hand five seconds ago?” And “why am I sitting on the loo reading Wikipedia about castle drawbridge design when I finished pissing half an hour ago?”

i hold the guinness world record for most easily disproven lie

😔

Your occasional reminder that buzzfeed, a corporately owned news outlet, reported credible child rape accusations against Trump, presumably well pored over by lawyers, in 2016, before the first, and LONG before the second time he was elected president of the USA.

Somehow when its on, its worse. odditymall.com/darth-vader-...

Mr. Beast, all my friends and I were saying how good at boxing you’d be

No one who says this has ever non-ironically apologized for being white (nor have they ever been asked to)

At this point we're basically waiting for investors to realize openAI isn't going to ever be profitable, let alone a world-changing unicorn, and then the fireworks start Do you think the VCs will be angry when they realize the GenAI marketers were lying to them about what GenAI can actually do?????

(Ebenezer Scrooge on his way to debut his new “fun” persona to the family of the employee he’s impoverished:) Maybe I’ll razz Bob a little bit when I get there. I think we have that kind of relationship

totally sensible to think you could land a plane in an emergency. basically 0% chance it ever comes up so there's no upside to sober self assessment. like say i told you i could kill the Predator. you can tell me why i'm wrong till its dark out but check the scoreboard: goose eggs. whole day wasted

I got vaccinated yesterday. Flu and covid. It was pretty easy to do. My arm is a little sore today. Just putting that out there for anyone else who's been procrastinating. Gonna schedule some other vaccines sometime soon, but those take priority.

Backwards knife detected

Wedding Experts Say Engagement Ring Should Cost At Least Three Diamond Miners’ Lives https://theonion.com/wedding-experts-say-engagement-ring-should-cost-at-leas-1834915832/

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

Bari Weiss's LinkedIn page just says "I will help you eliminate all my rights for $$$, all serious inquiries considered"

Bank of America first started offering credit cards to women in 1974

Making an appalled gasp when someone mentions doo-wop music

I... never realized that "Chubby Checker" was a gag version of "Fats Domino"

fuck james cameron