Palace are going to have to go some to finish 12th from here

If you fart and cum at the same time, your vagina takes a screenshot.

Reform are so dangerous and this headline doesn’t do it justice. I also think a piece like this should start with the politician‘s core views just to emphasise the urgency.

OFGEM's job is to look after the interests of shareholders and profits, imagine rising the cap in fucking January. People will literally die because they cannot afford to put the heating on.

All these mattresses advertised on daytime telly "made with NASA technology." Is that all they do up there, make mattresses? I don't remember that in Kennedy's speech. "We do these things not because they are easy, but because we want a nice lie down"

In order to distract from stories that he associated with a known sex offender, Donald Trump met with Cristiano Ronaldo

I don't even care that I've never used French dressing on a salad. Non, je ne vinaigrette rien

No one ever really needs to hear from a white, neurotypical man. So I'll stop there.

To be fair, a World Cup without Scott McTominay would have felt a little hollow, so fair fucks

Good hit, son. #ScoDen

That just makes the inevitable heartbreak even worse. #ScovDen

Merry Crispmas!

Here’s this week’s cartoon for @sport.theguardian.com www.theguardian.com/sport/pictur...

Yes, I'd say the bunce involved is indeed the motivating factor.

Football at all levels has a dangerously insane relationship with its referees, but in non-league it also comes with a chasm between reality and foaming Twitter activists who've never been to a game. This week's newsletter is on the AFC Rushden & Diamonds v Coventry Sphinx match abandonment.

I'm sure once they "stop the boats" and inflict a healthy dose of cruelty on asylum seekers plus take their valuables off them then the lads calling her a paki and telling her to go home will stop being racist

"Love island star and influencer." Unemployed. Just say unemployed

If I didn't want people referencing Tommy Robinson's support of my policies, I would simply stop writing the kind of policies supported by Tommy Robinson.

Just because Labour Government have engaged in factional in fighting does not make them left wing.

Kick-off is just thirteen ad breaks away

If the UK is on the brink of civil war, as Musk claims, it follows that in 300 years time there will be be a new generation of civil war re-enactment societies. "Geoff,you defend Laurence Fox. Can you guys shout outside a hostel. Brian, i need you to relentlessly slag off Nish Kumar on Facebook."

tbh If Trump and Clinton are consensually blowing each other it's literally the only thing I don't despise about either of them.

Have I ever introduced you to Hutton Mulgrave? johnpdobson.com/hutton-mulgr...

Bob and Thelma’s gaff in Killingworth. Approx £220k now.

Something for the weekend: Friday Night And The Gates Are Low #HMHB youtu.be/bB3oTLaUczY?...

If you've never heard it, you need to hear this. An absolute goldmine of beauty and bitterness.

What comes through in a lot of the emails is how much they hate - really hate - women and girls. It's as if they hate the fact they're so enfeebled by their attraction to those they perceive to be cheap, dispensible totty, and project that hatred onto them.

Wes Streeting looks like Pinocchio if, instead of becoming a real boy, he’d turned into an Assistant Manager at a branch of Currys.

10 points

You'll miss the BBC when it's gone...

What are these sports?

New standup clip. Classic Nato joke. Just a jewish guy brainstorming nonviolent resistance.

Mia Wallace & Gromit As requested by Paul Savage

If Wes Streeting is the answer, then the problems are huge

Now do Blackburn, Lancashire

Here’s this week’s cartoon for @sport.theguardian.com www.theguardian.com/football/pic...

It's going to be a long week on House of Games

The #crispmas specials are out already, so let us begin with Taylor's Boxing Day curry flavour. They're basically chip shop curry flavour. I'd expected some sort of poultry. Bit of a powdery texture too. Missed opportunity.

FUN FACT: Sir Charles Curran was forced to resign as Director-General after Pyramids of Mars implied Sutekh, god of violence, was bad.

Remembrance poem johnpdobson.com/2016/10/05/p...

Can’t wait to hear fuel duty get frozen again in the budget in ten days or so!!

Australia haven't got suckered in by a dummy runner once this series. And then that. Lovely pass, mind. #rugbyleague

Or can he? @barneyfarmer.bsky.social

As it would be Anthony Newley's birthday, no excuse not to revisit The Strange World of Gurney Slade youtu.be/WeOO1PVnvjk?...

That time Nancy Pelosi almost signed to play rugby league for Warrington

It's not like a Kennedy to flee the scene leaving a casualty behind

The banner said, in big red letters, that Marinakis is not a crook. So if they'd said he is a crook, would that be OK? www.theguardian.com/football/202...