Remember this fact. The two most famous Melbournes are in Victoria and Derbyshire.

If youe guilty of a crime, your best hope is to get the BBC to make a shoddy documentary about it.

1. What connects the songs You little Thief and Real Gone Kid? Feel free to google, the answer is quite the surprise.

Im moving to Msrs.

BBC News - 'Massive whodunnit' after pub quiz team banned for cheating - BBC News www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... Massive whodunnit. Im guessing it's the team that keeps winning and has stopped turning up.

2006 Portugal win the shoot out. The BBC have 30 minutes to come up with a montage that sums up English despair and also incorporates clips from the match. In an incredible moment they go with an obscure Pet Shop Boys power ballad. This was the BBC's finest hour. youtu.be/LZByrHy7nrE?...

I think they should make that bloke who plays Frankenstein a life peer. Then everyone would exclaim "Lord Elordi" whenever they see his sexy monster face.

BBC Well they have lost their DG He gave in so cravenly Tim Davie That's how sleazy Trump can be

A thread of new facts. At the time of writing this post i was unawàre of these facts.

Thread. Things i have learnt since publishing a memoir. 1. Dont assume sales based on twitter followers if youre then going to leave the racist cesspit. 2. You're on your own. 3. Whatever you think the headline stories are, the tabloids will disagree. www.penguin.co.uk/books/456343...

Right now if the BBC announced Alex Jones as the next DG, I'd have no idea which one.

Seems the bbc will do absolutely anything for celebrity traitors.

Love is in the Air was cowritten by a man who had two far more famous musical brothers.

Thread. Things i have learnt since publishing a memoir. 1. Dont assume sales based on twitter followers if youre then going to leave the racist cesspit. 2. You're on your own. 3. Whatever you think the headline stories are, the tabloids will disagree. www.penguin.co.uk/books/456343...

Just seen an episode of new legal drama All's Fair. Masterpiece. Tautly plotted, with a script that sizzles. Glenn Close in the performance of her life. A witty bsttle of the sexes reminiscent of the golden age of screwball comedy. And now to read the reviews...

My hokey, hastily thought out opinion on Celebrity Traitors People shouldn't fear diversity. Not just of race and sexuality though, but of education, skillset, personality type, ambition, financial leverage, cultural taste, sense of humour. Aspiring to monoculture is to waste the richness of life.

Whatever your opinion on Celebrity Traitors, it's been heartwarming to see terrestrial telly triumph. It very much still can deliver.

He's a South African Jewish guy who's married to a Buddhist lady of Indian/Kenyan/Mauritian heritage. They live in England yet teach their kids they can never truly be English. And he's copy and pasting far right filth disparaging "unusual" family set ups. The state of the Bravermans.

Wearying when folk underestimate my quiz ability due to their confirmation biases. This week recorded full houses (all 8 individual questions correct) in both Quiz League of London and Online Quiz League. My Parky colleagues - keep doing what you love. Rage against the dying of the light. It's fun.

Today remember every rightwing grifter and "talk horsehit for cash" connoisseur who has built their brand on repeating the lie that "It is definitively the left who cannot take defeat with dignity." In terms of dignity Trump makes Come Dine With Me Man look like Edith f***ing Cavell.

My experience on the popular comedy gameshow Taskmaster. youtube.com/watch?v=w5o3...

I'm not saying that Carol Decker has gone full fash, but she's just agreed to headline a 1980s revival night. In Pretoria.

Im now at the stage where i may stop buying Carol Decker records.

Last night Suzanne Vega announced on stage at the Royal Albert Hall that she'd last played there in 1986. I was there for that one as well. Ive always had great friends with great taste.

Wow it gets worse. The journalistic end of days.

Ive never been slow to criticise the Reach plc media for their awful clickbait headlines. But this is another level. They know exactly what they're doing with this headline, and it is horrible, divisive and dangerous. Shame on them.

Oh... Land speed record holder Donald Campbell first coined the term labradoodle.

on radio 4 tonight the 57th episode i've made with @paulsinha.bsky.social goes out (sinha test/sinha games/citizenship test x4/sinha carta/history revision x12/general knowledge x12/perfect pub quiz x26), matching the 57 episodes i've made with @johnfinnemore.bsky.social (jfsp x56 plus the pilot)

Coastal African nations anticlockwise between Guinea and Mozambique? SL L I G TOGO B N C E G Congo DRC A N follow Just South Arica to go.

For those rightwingers who lose their shit over Enoch Powell being fluent in Latin, i have a biography of Caligula to sell you.

I reckon i can definitively disprove Dunning Kruger syndrome.

A reminder that if you like my stuff, you'll like my memoir. And if you don't, sort your algorithms.

Who wrote the musical Oliver

Oh, and the fact that the UK and US versions of Dennis the Menace were first published on the exact same day, without either one knowing the other existed. The greatest coincidence of all time.

Charles Eddie. Would i lie to you?

Thread. A reminder of some of my alltime favourite facts. Starting with...there are no bridges over the river Amazon.

The world of William Sitwell, presented here without comment.

Great thing about Parkinson's is that everytime i say something stupid on the Chase, part of me wonders whether the road to degenerative cognitive ruin has begun. Happy Halloween X

No portrait hint, no gender, a reference to marxism. Hoist by my own Kahlo/Rivera petard. Gutted.

The most valuable showbiz advice i ever received ŵas "Never split up with Lily Allen."

Absolutely disgusting. BBC News - Ex-BBC editor stopped from flying due to Parkinson's felt 'humiliated' www.bbc.com/news/article...

Well, it's podcast time again, and unbelievably we've already made it to our fiftieth episode! That's more than Fawlty Towers and Heil, Honey, I'm Home put together. We've saved a very special guest for you for this episode. It's the marvellous comedian, chaser, doctor and polymath Paul Sinha!

The nice thing about the adverts gang is that they're not hypocrites. In fact Sarah Pochin has long campaigned for more gay representation in catfood sdvertising.

This was either my finest or foulest deed. He deserved better. www.heart.co.uk/showbiz/tv-m...

What im clumsily saying is when you're from a minority group you know. You develop an intuition for how others see you that runs the gamut from "trying too hard" to "hostile" You know from life experience that most people are not racist but that many who are dont even think they are. Buy my memoir.

After this week's advert shenanigans, i am never voting Reform again.

In the last fifteen years, if i do something badly, i get stick on social media. That's fine. I'm realistic. However when i do things well, the number of people keen to ignore, make excuses for, diminish or attack shows the degree to which cognitive bias rules. Racism is one of many such biases.

I think it's appalling that Britain's most enduringly popular family don't pay income tax or VAT, but it's hard to deny how much joy they bring to the general public. That chandelier gag alone...

The late comedian Bernie Mac once confided with me that "People dont seem to understand that sometimes the lower offer is the right offer. It's a team game and the team knows that the money is imaginary unless they win it. So maximise your chances of winning."

The late comedian George Carlin once confided with me about a certain film that "It's set on Christmas eve. A cop is visiting his wife and kids for Christmas when he has to save Christmas for a group of Christmas party goers. It ends with Let it Snow. Of course it's a Christmas movie."