just caught a whiff of BO so powerful it unlocked memories from a past life. i remember you man. 12th century bazaar, you were fucking me over on a pound of grain

Just deleted a tweet due to an unforgivable typo. No I will not post a corrected version!

The ai era will give future anthropologists an easy one. "ok so we'll just skip over this bit"

Being a hero is as easy as picking up a banana peel every single time you see one! 💛

Classic

Looks like someone is vying for a cabinet post!

bsky.app/profile/atru... www.theatlantic.com/ideas/2025/1...

The sewer is so outsized in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles universe that I consider it to be a character unto itself.

Burger King bacon double cheeseburger way up on the list for me.

i would be more surprised if he isnt a senator this time next year than if a golden retriever dog walked up to me wearing a pair of dockers and smoking a plastic tipped cigar

The secretary of health and human services simply cannot stop growling about child penises and teenager sperm.

What the Loony Left doesn’t understand is that the healthier and stronger you are, the more frequently you go to the doctor for mysterious exams.

Congratulations @jaymilton.bsky.social

My grandfather made it home, but his kidneys failed soon after from the sulfa drugs given on Guadalcanal. A wife and 3 daughters left behind. The government never acknowledged it or made it right. But nice to know people who broke into the Capitol and wiped their shit on the walls will get millions.

You should not be able to taste the ice cream before you buy it. You’re an adult, you know what butter pecan tastes like.

when you have monday off, tuesday becomes monday. when you have friday off, thursday becomes friday, and you get two saturdays. obscenely better value

*poring over menu* hmm I’ll have the corn

Oh yeah lol this is the other thing we used to tell our clients to do. Neg people into thinking they were stupid if they weren't on board! Sorry man, this isn't for YOU is the oldest scam move in the book. We really are fucking dumb, huh

Anyways I'm too busy to get to the wedding Don junior. Working on some documents.

If Bluesky is bad then why don’t you make it GOOD by doing a GOOD POST for a change? Of course, I am saying this into a mirror 😏

Damn Bluesky is popping off tonight! Just kidding.

Donald Trump is stealing your money: defector.com/donald-trump...

🔜💀

Ok. I'm not a certified plumber. But I have done a lot of plumbing. Let's break this down. If you have a pipe entering your sink from the top. You fucked up.

If you don’t like the posts on this website just shake your phone like an Etch A Sketch. Maybe it will help? Certainly couldn’t hurt.

We’re officially on HOT MUSTARD DORITO WATCH. The FRITO-LAY SNACK CONGLOMERATE, despite inventing the GREATEST DORITO FLAVOR SINCE “COOL RANCH,” seems intent on QUIETLY BURYING THE PRODUCT despite an ENGAGED AND RAVENOUS PUBLIC LOUDLY CLAMORING for their IMMEDIATE RETURN!

Grocery haul #GroceryHaul

Who else haulin? #GroceryHaul

To me he just looks like John Travolta from the cover art of a computer game called John Travolta’s Paint Studio

Chris Hayes says Trump’s IRS lawsuit settlement could be “the greatest heist in American history.” “A direct transfer of billions of your taxpayer dollars to Donald Trump—all dressed up as a ‘settlement’ of a lawsuit in which he is both the plaintiff and the defendant,” says Hayes.

“Tap to wake them up!”

“The Elder Scrolls” is what they say about you when you’re on your phone!

Youtube is for children in restaurants. Adults should not be watching Youtube unless their toilet is broken.

RFK Junior looking at some sperm and frowning.

Not seeing too many good posts here at the moment. Gonna close the app and try again later.

I put the tomato hoops up two hours ago and the Virginia creeper already grabbed it.

Happy mother's day to single men with pets. I see you.

This guy’s brain is fuckin mush!

“officials discovered two industrial-scale water hookups feeding a data center campus located 20 miles south of downtown Atlanta. One water connection had been installed without the utility’s knowledge, and the other was not linked to the company’s account and therefore wasn’t being billed.”

White House rolls out an obvious distraction and here’s the most powerful Democrat in the country clapping like a seal

The Bezos Post is essentially becoming Jeff Bezos’ personal blog to whine about people who criticize the idle rich like him. A hit dog will holler. Imagine arguing that hoarding billions of dollars is the peak of “human potential” with a straight face.

I just plucked Jared Kushner’s arms and legs out of their sockets.

I can see why they're called "step-dads". Because they "step" on my water bottle, breaking it!

This video is so fucking weird.