Tonight's Presidential address is so D.O.A. its sister's being named to the Senate.

Had quite a time on Hindsighting, the podcast that reopens debate about past Best Picture winners. Enjoy my hit piece on DRIVING MISS DAISY, and find out why it's all Young MC's fault. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/h...

Had quite a time on Hindsighting, the podcast that reopens debate about past Best Picture winners. Enjoy my hit piece on DRIVING MISS DAISY, and find out why it's all Young MC's fault. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/h...

No, YOU'RE sobbing at 'Sheep Detectives'!

It's a shame that Anna Rey Horny is doing porn. Feels like the Horny family could've changed their surname years ago and completely altered her trajectory.

You can feel the edges being rounded off every piece of art governed by the algorithm. You can feel the humanity being replaced, the surprise,the complication that is being a person, reduced to shapeless blobs by the gears and blips of late stage capitalism. Anyway, try new Berry Blast Sour Worms!

Not enough people are talking about my switch to flat bill baseball caps. It's hurtful and jarring.

250, y'all. Thinkin' about the melting pot today. Folks who came here outta hope or by force. Folks who were already here, minding their own damn business. All of us in this sometimes rocky boat, trying to make it work. I love y'all. Let's keep meltin' and whatnot.

Shame.

Look no further, FBI. The reflecting pool was stabbed to death by George... um... Tropicana.... I mean Glass... George Glass.

Freedom of the Press. Use it or lose it.

Some magical day the press will finally lose their shit.

I love how some people's algorithms are all, "Here are some charming, unlikely animal friendships," but mine is like, "Here are 715 horrific workplace accidents."

At a coffee shop/plant nursery in Eagle Rock. Hopefully more merged businesses will catch on. Laser tag/notary. Cemetery/trampoline park. Brothel/Chipotle. The possibilities are endless!

"Grandpa, how did this happen and whatnot?" "Well Bobby, a drag queen read a storybook, so the only choice was to become a racist, fascist dictatorship and let seven wockaflockas take all the money."

I think it really helped Spencer Pratt when, in the home stretch, it was announced his mayoral bid was being filmed for some reality show, AND he went on Fox News, AND Trump praised him. If I know Los Angeles at all, those things really improved his chances.

Avoid going to the dentist for several years, culminating in a torturous catch-up visit. Ask me how!

One fun thing about L.A. is that there's occasionally a lion in the neighborhood. "Careful on your stroll to Erewhon. There's a lion."

It's high-key crazy how many of us will eventually, like, pass away or whatever.

Remembering those who gave all.

My grandfather made it home, but his kidneys failed soon after from the sulfa drugs given on Guadalcanal. A wife and 3 daughters left behind. The government never acknowledged it or made it right. But nice to know people who broke into the Capitol and wiped their shit on the walls will get millions.

Dark times. Luckily, I have a... (checks notes) ...Bright Eyes concert tonight to cheer me up?

I wept for my country on January 6th. Now it's a relentless terror fog. My faith in humanity wanes by the moment and I can feel part of my heart dying every day. Anyway, have a super-fun weekend!!!

To my peeps, and my Brown and LGBTQ friends. Never forget that your light was so damn bright they handed the world to the first asshole who promised to dim it.

The < 1 minute screenwriting video that will turbocharge your career.

"Well they'd better get these gas prices down if they want my vote." - Cis, straight, White person, standing by an erased rainbow crosswalk, near an ICE prison, in an eliminated Black district.

The real TDS is these red hat wockaflockas with TRANS Derangement Syndrome. These folks ain't doin' shit to you. Let them be who they wanna be.

Lots of folks dissing Thom Yorke for his vitamin jingle, but make that money bro!!!

I swear to God, if I see ONE nerd celebrating.

I do this sex move where I constantly find myself Googling things for people who, by all accounts, also have access to Google.

I didn't believe the Bible was real 'til I saw a scripted miniseries about it now I know it's all true okay bye.

A little disconcerting that Madonna and Björk are at the same location right now, as foretold in Revelations 13:9.

No one knew what to believe once Rob Base became internationally known.

Horrible to watch so many friends and family members slip into a cult, divorced from reality and cut off from everyone they knew and loved before. But enough about youth soccer.

MUSIC WORLD SHOCKER: Oxford study reveals Queen had more time for losers than previously indicated. "Even during their time as champions, the band could've granted losers ninety minutes or so per week," asserts Dr. Reginald Phipps.

"I'm drowning." (Reaches out hand) PHIL COLLINS: ...

What's so hard to understand, y'all? You bomb Iran and then the son of God comes back. It's science.

Have you been injured at work? Injured on your way to work? Injured while looking for work? We'll fight for you!

Surreal and replenishing night at the @glaad.bsky.social Awards. "Clean Slate" was a dream that somehow slugged its way into the world. So grateful for everyone who helped make it a reality. Love has to win.

Whenever you make a plan with someone, to do anything at all, be sure to add "And NO cops!" just to sprinkle a little excitement in there.

the former host of celebrity apprentice and the former host of fox & friends weekend are launching bombs and destabilizing the world for generations all because voters decided their biggest issue was a trans kid playing jv tennis with their friends 4 states over

Need a break from the doom scroll? Y'all are still just a couple of clicks away from the joy, laughter, and unconditional love of "Clean Slate" and whatnot.

We'll remember who led this shit. We'll remember who cheered for this shit. We'll remember who expressed concern but went along with this shit. And we'll remember who twiddled their thumbs during this shit.

This ain't Yemen, Free Don Lemon.

BREAKING: Canadian Prime Minister no longer welcome in Christmas Adventurers Club.

My ass is old enough to remember when a President sending masked armies into American cities while saying "sometimes you need a dictator" would've been the end of it and whatnot.

I'm self-employed and about to walk out on myself. I hope I'll understand.

One of the best ways to honor Dr. King is to not be a fucking white nationalist.