Shit don’t have time to add “BIG SURPRISE TO ME” slices to the Collins Wheel

current front page in the onion newstand

Marjane Satrapi made a similar observation in "Persepolis":

NEW: This isn't about "training." The two agents who murdered Alex Pretti - Jesus Ochoa and Raymundo Gutierrez - have been with Border Patrol for 8 and 12 years respectively. You can't reform CBP. Abolish ICE/CBP. www.propublica.org/article/alex...

friend of mine is an undocumented immigrant and has been hiding in Melania theaters bc he knows people assume no one is in there

Abolish. ice. 💔

This was exactly my thought when I heard of the protest in a church. ICE has said they will abduct people from churches. Therefore, noone can expect sanctuary in church. I don’t like this, but the outrage is the government’s overreach, not a protest in an area the government made fair game.

ICE is detaining a 5 year old boy. If you get off on this, you’re a monster and don’t you dare pretend to worship God.

Jack Smith: "My fear is that we have seen the rule of law function in our country for so long that many of us have come to take it for granted. The rule of law is not self-executing. It depends on our collective commitment to apply it."

Sounds like we could replace the C-Suite folks with new A.I. CEOs!

Better batten down the hatches. Ted Cruz is getting on a plane to Laguna Beach in winter.

"Paul why do you hate Christians?!" -- Christian Nationalists I don't hate Christians. I LOVE Christian. They are just really hard to find. You know, people like these good folks. The ones the bigots tell us they don't want in our country. www.mprnews.org/episode/2026...

No lie, i updated my No AI explanatory document to add a section titled “Generative AI has a literal body count.”

Use all the weapons available to you. If you are not a Christian, ask someone with Christian bonafides to provide insight on what verses to use.

The fact the MN is fighting ICE with water and glitter is epic. They are freezing streets and sidewalks outside ICE facilities. Ppl who don’t live in super cold places cannot appreciate the simplicity yet ingenuity of it Yes, we may fall too, but if you grow up in these places you know how to walk

And one more thing. Students. If you have a professor who is, for some reason, outsourcing their own job to ChatGPT....drop the class. If they tell you to "ask ChatGPT" for sources, drop the class. Because they apparently don't know their own discipline well enough to teach it.

I signed up for a creative writing class. Zero stakes. No grades. And someone asked if we could use chatgpt to help write stories. It's like... why are you here?

No, these are very serious comments. ChatGPT has absolutely no goddamn place in graduate education. It steals from other authors, routinely gets major facts wrong, hallucinates sources, and generally makes the prose flat and boring as hell. And if you shill for it in my mentions, I'll block you.

Well then, I'm thinking you aren't looking very hard.

She looks exactly like Lara Croft. No matter how depraved and horny you are, it seems like she should be hot enough to satisfy your gooner fantasies. Is the problem that her boobs are round instead of being made up of exactly 8 polygons?

ICE keeps saying the people protesting it are being paid without any evidence, but we have receipts showing that the people *defending* ICE are absolutely being paid. And yet we only hear lies about the former on cable news.

I feel sorry for the Democratic administration that’s takes over in 2029. So much to clean up and, if history is any guide, the electorate will give them about 6 months to do so before deciding to give the GOP another chance.

🔥 @markruffalo.bsky.social : “I gotta be honest, I’m not feeling so great. Renee Good was murdered... stormtroopers running around terrorizing. As much as I love all this, I can’t pretend all this crazy stuff isn’t happening. We have a president who says laws don’t apply to him- this is crazy.”

KO'ing everyone's 401k the week they started bragging about murdering citizens in the street on camera is the behavior of people who are on actual drugs. Not metaphorically, it's the behavior of people with underlying mental illness on uppers and steroids who are starting to feel cornered.

FYI: Judge Ellis (Chicago ICE case) noted in November that video evidence shows ICE "brake-checked other motorists in an attempt to force accidents that agents could then use as justifications for deploying force."

It's not a cabinet, it's a junk drawer

Frey: “To ICE, g*t the fuck out of Minneapolis”

The President does not have the authority to cancel elections. And in fact, saying so is another impeachable offense.

A touching tribute to Mike F

When I was 23, I saw a bunch of really cute velvet furniture on the side of the road, totally nice. Took it in and a year later a friend’s new gf came to my house and it turns out I’d stolen her entire living room while she was moving.

I am pleased to announce that I have commandeered my neighbor's home. This home will be sold at its Market Price, and that money will be controlled by me, to ensure it is used to benefit my neighbor and me! Thank you for your attention to this matter!

1/6/21, ~8 pm: Capitol Police announce that the Capitol building is secure. Shortly after the Senate reconvene and VP Pence returns to the dais and states that “to those who wreaked havoc in our capitol today, you did not win.” Sen. Mitch McConnell called the day's events a “failed insurrection.”

I think it's somehow very tragically appropriate that the insurrection was attempted by Christian Nationalists on the feast of the Epiphany. "And this is the judgement, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil." John 3:19

Look, there’s “no true Scotsman would do such a thing,” but then there’s “no true bachelor is married.” When Jesus said “my followers would not fight to defend me because my kingdom is not of this world,” and somebody else says “I’m fighting to defend Jesus’ kingdom in this world,” one’s a phony.

The word “heresy” really needs to factor more in these discussions. We don’t need to waste time trying to say who’s “not a Real Christian” when there’s already perfectly good vocabulary for saying “in a Christian framework, this belief is as wrong as saying the Trinity means three gods.”

What if none of these things is a distraction from the other things and instead they're all just horrible things

"Several times a year, doctors ask me if I can tell the difference between a giraffe and a whale because they are so sure I am not in cognitive decline!" He is so stupid he doesn't realize that the *only* reason he is asked to take this test (repeatedly) is that his doctors note cognitive decline.

Again,

Buttons are back. Knobs are back. Dumb devices are back. Own-it-forever software is back. Print is back. Personal websites and chronological feeds are back. Touching grass is back. People keep saying 2015, but it’s not far enough. The entire 2010s were a mistake. We must retvrn to… 2009.

Just a thing about this: a common statement in writing is that you can fix crap, but you can't fix a blank page. I have heard AI apologists claim that this is why it's fine to generate a first draft. Now, to be clear, fuck this. But also: an AI draft is a fucking blank page.

✨✨Seasons Greetings!✨✨ Here’s a selection of my favourite ancient Egyptian blue hippos seen on my travels. Now where’s William? 🦛❤️ 📷 by me #Archaeology

And to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, and will return in Avengers: Doomsday

honestly, the strongest case for Keynes's proposal to socialize investment is watching VCs spend money

If you slept on DJT’s monologue to the nation yesterday, here’s the short version.