I’ve given this a great deal of thought, trying to come up with the perfect joke for this moment, and this is what I have so far - POPE LEO: our religion teaches that this war is bad VANCE: wow, who died and made YOU head of the Catholic Church?? POPE LEO: well, you should know, you were there

They got the memo

Weird way to couch this

I heard they're taking Noems flying fuckshop

you don't have to talk to people who are annoying. you can just not do that

listen i am a nice guy. i am not, generally speaking, gonna bite a stranger's head off in public unprompted. but the punditry line that there's a mystical appeal of trumpism to the heartland american volk that city types just don't get is just telling me that the heartland american volk is fascist

a big, huge difference between trump I and trump II is that trump I cabinet officials and spokespeople and mike pence all occasionally behaved like they had actual jobs

Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto https://theonion.com/man-who-threw-molotov-cocktail-at-sam-altmans-home-claims-he-was-following-chatgpt-recipe-for-risotto/

What Trump can’t delete is the fact that he’s a deranged psychopath

Trump has deleted the Jesus post which of course means everyone will stop talking about it. www.mediaite.com/media/breaki...

Sources close to Byron Noem say the South Dakota insurance salesman and father of three remains devastated after being outed as having married Kristi Noem.

JD Vance, crying as he fucks the couch.

he posts this shit because he can’t fight the grim reaper, who by the way has faced about one hundred and fifteen billion people and lost exactly zero times

And still they won't remove him.

happy Orban lost and the Pope is weak on crime day to all who celebrate, this could be a top 10 social media day because the night is still young

JD Vance should speak on behalf of more evil motherfuckers

it's not just that trump is beatable — he is — it's that the whole republican party is beatable. they won't go quietly and they won't go easily, but they're absolutely beatable.

initially i thought it extremely inappropriate for jd vance to travel to another country and try to meddle in their elections and now i think he should go stump on behalf of every right wing reactionary party in europe, give him a special budget for it, i don't care, get him on the local news

🤔

JD Vance is on a historic roll: He campaigns for AfD in Germany - they lose. Invited the Pope to come to US for Trump’s big event - Pope refuses. Leads peace negotiations with Iran - fails miserably. Campaigns in Hungary for Orbán - who gets smoked.

Seems inevitable that Melania will give another press conference about her pedophilia before the day’s end

C’mon, Vladimir Putin, don’t be a little bitch. Have a real election.

That's two kills for Vance as VP so far: Pope Francis and Orban's presidency. Wonder what his body count will be by 2028.

Oh God PLEASE let Vance campaign in Texas. PLEASE.

The U.S. takeaway from Hungary is that Democrats need to run a guy named John American.

the most important thing here is that Hungary has elected a guy whose name translates to Peter Hungarian. The Democratic Party must find a guy named Steve American and run him in 2028

Our goddam flag

Solving the problem of Iran blocking the strait of Hormuz by mounting your own blockade of the strait of Hormuz is the kind of inspired genius thinking that only a tacky failed real estate mind could think of. Checkmate, woke libs.

we have always blocked the strait in westasia

i mean this is my stance on every election, really. i’m insanely not complicated. you might even call me a simple person if you were so inclined. dumb like lenny smalls.

A small child just asked me if dogs were smart and I said they were but not as smart as dolphins and he said “dolphins are equal to us, except they don’t pay taxes” so I think this kid is a libertarian

Melania Trump is a terrible person, a person who wore a jacket saying 'I don't care do u' to visit children CHILDREN her spouse's regime had imprisoned. So believe me I'm noting who's attacking her with veiled 'she's a whore' bullshit.

what is this

I love this story he gets mad when at a party his wife refers to his actual job and doesnt call him pilot its awesome one of my fave reddit stories of all time

Another reminder...

“How could you possibly believe I would cozy up to an evil sex offender?”

Literally.

DONALD TRUMP: "Well, the war didn't go so great, but did you notice? Nobody is talking about Epstein anymore." MELANIA TRUMP: "On it!"

* Immediately leaves on FuckJet and is never heard from again *

* Gets on FuckJet and disappears to Bulgoslovgovenia

scrub harder, lady macbeth

lmao, sure, let’s just pop the top right off this can of worms, excellent choice, part time first lady

real long shot here but if you have any idea why melania is suddenly talking about epstein, reach me on signal at marisakabas.04 anonymity fully protected

Melania's tryin' her damnedest to get ahead of curve, but the whole world can see she's lying.

I did not know Epstein on a boat I did not know Epstein with a goat I did not know Epstein in the air I did not know him anywhere!

Hey Melania, unsolicited denials are the reddest of red flags. You're lying.

So it's true then

Should I change that thumbnail, that's the question. Hilariously, it's in this segment: