watching the rams select ty simpson 13th

i refuse to believe the charity bowl can raise a million dollars in fifty five hours but the white house correspondents association needs to get humiliated by the world’s most senile sex predator for table scraps

Mike Vrabel being stopped from submitting a draft card with his wife's name on it

what’s the dollar amount of unpaid child support represented in the crowd at the nfl draft

It is actually awesome to get Renegade at the Steelers stadium in a situation where Lamar Jackson isn't about to come out and throw a 70-yard touchdown pass to some guy the safety forgot about

excited for makai lemon, first time in four years he’s had a chance to participate in a playoff game

Howie trading up to draft “World Peace.”

oh good it’s the make a wish portion of the draft, which pick is kash patel gonna make

the natural talent of david bailey and kenyon sadiq versus the jetsness of the jets

mcvay winning the super bowl and retiring along with stafford next year has vaulted up the potential comedy rankings

there are like ten jesuses on roller skates on venice beach at any given moment

believe in yourself as much as sean mcvay believes in sean mcvay

caleb downs ready to lead the cowboys to their first super bowl appearance since caleb downs was negative nine years old

picks taking so long to come in that jordyn tyson is already on injured reserve

mendoza family hasn’t been this happy since rubio got elected to the senate

kurt warner looks great, i always appreciated his duets with dolly parton.

oh good ten minutes of blue collar fanwank before i can watch players get selected which is the purpose of the draft as i understand it

i watch the nfl draft not because i care about the nfl (i generally do not) but because i like to see which college players will go where and which team will do something very stupid.

we’re looking very strongly into dying on television

math is lib shit

ngl feeling a little attacked on here rn

can we retroactively give the order of lenin to a cat

feel bad making fun of a poverty program like southern cal but small directional schools need to step their game up

It’s his day

came very close to terminating his life

Woody from the "hollup, let him cook" Kingdom Hearts meme, with "cook" replaced by "be clear"

The implicit media consensus is that urban voters should not be able to overrule rural voters, but that rural voters should be able to overrule urban voters, an assumption so axiomatic and unquestionable that nobody even understands they're making it.

usually when republicans start a war they can’t win it involves the armed forces

I guess there’s been some discourse today about the morality of nakedly partisan redistricting. I have considered that argument thoroughly and I would like to respond by saying *faaaart*

why, did he do something bad

they only understand brute force and humiliation. is what it is.

we’re gonna win

college football people are basically cave men and cave women but tell them people need money and they say money good, me give money, me help

i’m the world’s most episcopalian human being, i am nice to the point where it’s weird how nice i am, and if you record me with glasses i am going to throw a joe frazier left hook so big you go back in time like marty mcfly bing bong you are back in 1955

this is basically throwing a hand grenade into a party and running away

absolutely dying, it’s day one

oswald shot kennedy, the least boring correct opinion of all time. but at least a couple people knew he was gonna do it.

you gonna let this dumb guy here out work you, bad look for you

donate to the charity bowl. i’m a broke ass public school teacher and i can throw three hundred bucks at helping refugees. i know you hoes make more money than i do.

edsbscharitybowl.com 🦈

i think my dad is probably the single most talented person i have ever met, he was so naturally good at everything, and being the son of an alcoholic abuser pretty much destroyed his soul. it’s a miracle he graduated from ucla and had three kids and a normal family.

i mean it’s your old man. my dad could snap a fucking curveball at fifty years old. just a snapdragon 12-6 curveball like it was nothing. our dads are cool at stuff sometimes.

my sister in law asked me how if felt driving home from central california when my dad died and i simply don’t remember. my sister called me and said dad died and i drove home in a four hour fugue state. i have no memory of it. i was crushed.

i drove home with my wife in the car and texted my buddies and said well i guess my dad is gonna miss the match they were like dude how are you firing these jokes off

my dad died the morning of the 2018 world cup final so i had to drive home in a daze because my dad who i worshipped just died and i texted my buddies and said well this is pretty fucking below average and they all howled laughing

my wife is always like how are you the single funniest most kind person i know and also the most mean human being on earth. easy answer. we do bits here. we run bits. we do comedy in this house.

my guy out here looking like the preacher in poltergeist two

she’ll drop more cash for all the band dorks. solid gold sound of the ucla marching band. piccolo players rise up.

charity bowl is legitimately one of the few times a year where i feel hopeful about the human race