"the menswear guy isn't fair and balanced." do you even hear yourself? "fork lady is eroding public confidence." "ladder baby is undermining the credibility of the field." "lemon raccoon is acting without transparency or accountability." that's what you sound like.

When you bought the dip on fartcoin

TEEN: you’re the only one who understands me danny. my stupid dad won’t let me go see billie eilish with gretchen AI CHATBOT DANIEL PLAINVIEW FROM THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Your father is a bastard. Fit for a hole in the ground. You will go with Gretchen. Even if your father must die, as a bastard dies

Life's little reminder....

One of my favorite movies of all time.

friend: Is she the one? Plotinus: No but she emanates from it

Honestly a better argument to get people off their phones than most of the scolding you see on substack

Why don’t you Pokémon Go to the reeducation camps

My sentient enchanted sword came out to me as transmasc. Talk about Un-She/They-ing your blade! I told him "I don't care how you identify, I just need you to he/it whatever is in front of me!"

Me literally every single day

It's the safest way, isn't it?

Every time there is a mass shooting, I can't help but think of the parallels between gun violence and traffic violence. Two things that kill a similar number of Americans each year (including many children), and two issues with obvious solutions that we, as a country, have chosen to ignore.

This is the Platonic Ideal of a Bluesky thread

Some days the toilet seat begs for the brown, but some days the brown begs for the toilet seat

A popular bag of chips with many locations

Wheeeen theee Bird in your room represents all your gloom Nevermoré When you're trying to grieve but that corvid won't leave Nevermoré It will rap Tippy tippy tap Tippy tippy tap Waking you from naps aaand Your dream-a Then will fly Never tell you why Even if you cry Landing on your sideboard Athena

As a person who was big into forums and chat rooms in the 90s, it’s unreal watching ChatGPT ppl develop forum addiction & epistolary limerence & go through vicious-cycle social reinforcement in EXACTLY the same ways, except with a reskinned Eliza app & they’re not being publicly shamed for it enough

"She had a bottom that would make any toilet beg for the brown."

there's a secret network of government bureaucrats that subverts the democratic will through sophisticated and clandestine means, like, for example, smoking law enforcement officers in the chest with a footlong meatball sub on camera

Posting bobs on main

I just can’t believe our Reichstag Fire is the Big Balls Beatdown.

"Bluesky is dying" Oh yeah? Then explain why this GIF always does numbers.

can we talk about how this iconic tweet is a reply to the woman who invented the concept of the professional-managerial class

I saw this in a dream

An arrogant rich woman wearing a terrible outfit has opinions to share with New Yorkers. Surely you will listen!

BLACK DAHLIA MURDER REVEALED! Famous cold case finally solved after ChatGPT admits that its code houses the reincarnated spirit of an itinerant salesman who killed elizabeth short while drifting through los angeles in 1947. The chatbot further noted, "killing felt good and I'll do it again if I can"

Gitmo lawyer who oversaw the torture of prisoners says everything in his concentration camp is great. That's definitely the guy I'm going to trust

nw a fan edit of this apparently high-quality Star Trek: The Next Generation porn parody that removes about an hour and a half of sexual content and leaves just the fan fiction part lmfao

ACAB includes the officer from One Likkle Draw www.youtube.com/watch?v=i70Q...

anyone can be girlypop. samuel l jackson is girlypop. C-3P0 is girlypop. jason statham? girlypop. if they get offended eat them

Happy Weyounsday my dudes!

Hello mudda Hello fadda Globalize the Intifada

Even linkedin gets it

well, establishment dems, these are your options i guess. time to pick a side

Puddle reflection on St Ann street, New Orleans

she moved in and we started farting

Who is pumping fartcoin rn

Honestly, feels like Marvel is kind of running out of ideas in phase 6

dr demento bf, loveline gf

All US media will describe Israel's declaration of war as "preemptive" and Iran's response as "unprovoked."

Remember when places inked the early AI deals and had immediate flashbacks to Google AMP

Some day my diarrhea will cover the earth