Do you think all of Jeffrey Epstein's famous Best Friends were gutted to discover they weren't the only one?

My husband’s ballot came in the mail. Mine did not. I looked into why and… I was purged from the voting roll. PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR VOTER REGISTRATION.

Decades after the Heysel and Hillsborough disasters, can politicians please not second-guess expert safety assessments for football stadiums. Thank you. An Aston Villa fan.

Oh, the grand old duke of york He ██████████████████ He ██████████████████ And he ██████████████████

Is that the Demon Headmaster? #TOTP

Did he say Ken Russell, that Ken Russell? #TOTP

How has the government got itself into the position of standing up for Israeli football hooligans, while criminalising peaceful supporters of Palestine Action?

A geezer robin.

The same morning that neo-Nazis are convicted in London, for planning attacks on Mosques AND Synagogues, Israel welcomes its new ally, Stephen Yaxley Lennon, and tries to undermine the PM by comparing him to Chamberlain.

Jesus, even the dogs aren't safe from ICE.

Heavens to Betsy Betsy to Heavens Heavens BACK to Betsy Betsy GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL

I've received an 'exclusive' invite to try Nature's new 'research assistant', which will burn down a forest to provide a 'summary of the paper' I'm reading and I have SUCH exciting news for them, that's called an 'abstract' and the actual authors already wrote it for me, no forest-burning required.

If you park on the pavement and stop there being enough width for a wheelchair to pass, anyone committing damage to your vehicle gets immunity.

I remember, many years ago now (with ny transport strategist hat on) being asked in a BBC interview if Crossrail would be Khan's biggest legacy. The thing that had the biggest impact on London. I said: "No. It'll be ULEZ." (The low emissions zone)

Gonna start loading up all the Mr Blobby in films I did. One a day. Starting with Mr Blobby in the Matrix.

When this kicks off - and it will - Starmer and Labour are going to look very, very stupid. Doubly so when Maccabi Haifa fans use one of their favourite chants: "There are no schools in Gaza, there are no children left". www.theguardian.com/politics/...

Supergrass’ debut single, Caught by the Fuzz, was released 31 years ago today, which seems as good a reason as any to trot out lead singer Gaz Coombes’ anecdote about meeting Cliff Richard at a record label party in late 1994...

I am cursed with an almost bloodhound like sense of smell, and someone has introduced a smell I detest to my house. So now I have to move.

The BBC are accidentally running the subtitles to Mrs Marple over the Mercury Prize, and it’s rather wonderful. A few of lines could plausibly have been written by Jarvis.

In an interview with Bloomberg, Farage has said that Nathan Gill was "one bad apple" - unintentionally being accurate because he forgot the rest of the proverb.

TV Show Pitch: Blood Is Thicker Than Water Smart Detective John Water is forced to team up with an idiot constable Phil Blood to investigate a series of vampire drownings only to eventually find out they are brothers

The thing is, if you genuinely believed that preteen girls are old enough to be mothers while males in their thirties are too young to comprehend fascism, then you logically wouldn't trust men to be responsible for anything more consequential than a balloon animal, let alone a government

Interesting that two of the Celebrity Traitors are Catalan.

TV show idea: A Goode Judge of Character. Judge John Goode does his best not to get caught up in the lives of the people who pass through his county courtroom, as he simultaneously tries to navigate the small town dating scene as a single father in the small town of Character, Illinois.

You know that bit in The World's End when the aliens take the technology away, can we give that a try.

A story in three parts

SCOUSE WARS #2 #starwars #mitchbenn #satire #scouse #liverpool #accents patreon.com/mitchbenn

😆😂🤣

I’m finding this unreasonably funny

"Watson, I'm retiring. Can't touch these lads."

Stop buying cars that are too big for your local roads. You're not flash you're an idiot.

👏 "We've lived here all our lives. And I have never felt so unwelcome in my own hometown as I do since your party came into Caerphilly." "With all the rhetoric that you bring in, I have to say to my sons, please don't go there. Please don't do this." "I blame you for that."

I sprint train 5 days a week and have gotten my one mile tome to 5:49. I WFH and my son's school is 0.8 miles away. If the bombs start falling I want to get to him in time to at least hold him tight. This all sounds crazy but 5 minutes reading the news makes me stick with it.

If Jane mentions baked beans again I'll throttle her.

Neurologically speaking, there's no such thing as 'useless' subjects or 'rip-off' degrees Insisting we should only teach useful subjects is like saying science should only do research that gives positive results If you honestly believe that's how anything works, *your* education was the wasted one

When I get that feeling I need saxophone cleaning

It’s the 111th anniversary today of the birth of Harry Rée, who was a teacher and conscientious objector when the Second World War broke out, and by the time it ended, when he was 31, had invented ‘blackmail sabotage’ and got a DSO, an OBE, a Croix de Guerre, and a Medaille de la Resistance

Lib Dem's Daisy Cooper calls for an assessment into the threat Elon Musk poses to UK democracy after Tommy Robinson said Musk is paying for his legal fees

The use of AI to marionette a woman whose tortured existence was spent trying to carve her own life and identity out of the space men forced her into is both damningly macabre and a surprisingly perfect encapsulation of the problems with this ghoulish use of technology.

Milei looks like all the cast of Are You Being Served in one

Waited for the Frisbee, wasn't disappointed. Also, I feel like The Prodigy had their part to play in the death of these films.

Some 98yo fireplace designer called Spigboobs will die. And suddenly your whatsapps are full of 'I can't believe Spigboobs died.' You'll ask: 'who the hell is Spigboobs??' They'll ask 'you've... not heard of Spigboobs?'

Did you know that if you buy my book on Amazon, Jeff Bezos makes 5 times as much as I do on each copy sold? Sharing some behind-the-scenes book math on why buying directly from presses is best for EVERYONE (except Bezos) in my newsletter today! aubreyhirsch.substack.com/p/book-math

Yeah, yeah, it’s nice for the morally superior people to point out that immigrants aren’t actually going to need A level English, but that’s not really the point. What’s the message? The usual one: we’re going to be TOUGHER on those evil immigrants trying to infiltrate our precious bodily fluids.

Seems like a good hook for the UK press to discuss whether the UK government should be on a Nazi-run site like X and not say, on here, and whether Ofcom is doing its job.

fuck off with this shit you racist cunts. i forgot the word "tumbledryer" the other day so i called it a tumbley bumbley and english is my only fucking language. abolish the home office.

Performatively reading in the cafe, but wearing white gloves so I'm still venerating the Book As Object, with a t-shirt saying "I know archivists don't wear gloves" so people know the gloves are performative.

Not seeing enough analysis of how Gaza will be rebuilt or what fate awaits the many Palestinians who decide “we have to try our luck abroad, there is nothing here for us but rubble”.

“I wish they would of done this sooner.”

He's with the Angles now