Ok I'll go! Sheesh... @mystic5523.bsky.social @bencollins.bsky.social

The dog made me come outside anld lounge with her. Maybe the only good idea she's ever had.

Counterpoint: DHS was ripped straight from the pages of 1984 since Day 1.

Nobody but me will care, but The Loud Mime followed me back on Instagram yesterday, and that's pretty cool.

This was a weird one. I think I loved it? It's nearly impossible to explain. An eldritch horror comedy told as if you taped just the local ad breaks off of 90's late night tv? About how cult-like capitalism will destroy us all? I think? Maybe? Anyway. Buffet Infinity.

Saw a flea circus today.

This may be a long shot, but does anyone here have any leads on a part-time and/or seasonal job in JoCo for a mostly introverted 19yo? Customer-facing is fine (he's been a cashier at Hy-Vee). Just not sales. We're scouring Indeed and LinkedIn, but he's not having a ton of luck. (Please reskeet.)

I was informed that almost ninety percent of the reserved rooms in Kansas City were released over a month ago.

You learn something new every day…

Finally left my first marriage. Sometimes people who know me now don't even believe parts of my previous life.

I think I'll start an 80s style scantromn amd VHS matchmakong service. For leftists. Called "Radical!"

Hey guys, do we need this for anything?

Bring back defragging!

Oh I'm definitely going to Busker Fest this weekend. Several weird fuckers I've followed for years on Instagram are going to be there.

Art is hot all of it

I hate that i have to do this nearly every day til I die

Girl, did you fall from heaven? Because this is hell

if you’re in the montgomery, alabama area have i got a DEAL FOR YOU

just a casual reminder all the foreign language and film rights for my debut novel HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA are still available. So…yeah…ya snooze ya lose

Thanks to the mayor of NKC for briefly (and coincidentally) joining the Inaugural Gubernatorial Silly Brigade Spring Parade! I'm a frog! Join us next year for the Second Annual Inaugural Gubernatorial Silly Brigade Spring Parade!

Baaed on his extended cameo in Ned's Friend-Hole Cabaret last night, it'll be great.

"I have USB cables from before the year 2000. Vintage cables that barely did anything, transferring JPGs pixel by pixel from one drive to another. Sometimes, not all the data made it. That’s called the Angelfire’s share." buff.ly/Cxo36JI

Sometimes I wish I'd never met longcheese.

BREAKING: A second longcheese has hit the napkin #neverforget

My daughter says no one will care about longcheese. Prove her wrong, internet.

Get out of bed. It's time for your waking nightmare.

But how big are their balls?

I made a Mother's Day lemon cranberry tart!

Fundraiser where?

happy “is she single?” day to all the shooters out there

humanity started going backwards when drivers stopped giving the thank you wave

assflash, newshole

So I say to her, "You can't refrigerate it if it was never frigerated to begin with!"

PRETTIES FOR SALE

Everybody say thank you food bank!

I hate when I eat the last M&M in the bag without realizing. Like, I needed to mentally prepare myself for that moment.

At this point I think it would only take a couple of stairs to really change things.

what doesn’t kill you…is probably your mom, she would never let you off that easily

This is ASTONISHING

You are only allowed to rag on KC in my replies if you currently or have previously lived here, thanks. It is a wonderful city and also deeply ill-equipped for this event specifically.

No one inside the U.S. has any money for expensive vacations, no one outside the U.S. wants to get arrested or shot by ICE, and anyone who is willing to travel for the World Cup isn't picking the city where every destination is a 30 minute Uber ride apart

Every splashy New York Times profile of a right wing influencer.

Having all the cards is, famously, not the goal in Uno.

I'm going to attempt impromptu haiku™ tonight. Give me some warm-up subjects

Yeah, that's extremely ok.