The most harrowing movie experience I’ve ever had was when I brought a crispy green apple to eat at A Quiet Place.

She’s fine, I checked her out, but Turtle slammed into her cat tree and did two flips falling off of it and she’s so embarrassed. My roommate thinks the impact gave her a factory reset.

AI could never, ever...

Is almost midnight too late to put on Akira?

Is there a gaming website that wants an article on loneliness and celebrating birthdays/holidays in Animal Crossing?

My roommate asked for dinner and I’m wearing my white nightgown so I didn’t want to get it stained so I threw on an apron and oh my god I’m my abuelita.

*screaming externally* I AM A PERSON. DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE THIS.

Who sent me the most beautiful mustard I’ve ever seen?

Running errands but still serving.

There’s still plenty of time for me to suddenly develop a talent

Ate too many hot dogs around the fire pit and now I’m dying.

I just realized Turtle saves a little bit of her morning crunchy food so that she can have bites of crunchy with her nighttime wet food like “A little bit of this, a little bit of that”. Oh my god ❤️

Sometimes when I don’t know what to do, I have to think “What would Goku do right now?”

Going to be sincere and scared for a second. March is the first time in six years of living in my home that I can’t pay the mortgage. I love love love my home. I’ve made it so cozy and my own. My cat and my roomie live here and have made a home here too. I really need work. I don’t want to lose it.

RIP to this swimsuit, you have been replaced by a sensible one piece.

I’m trying to find someone to go see Deep Throat with me tomorrow but all my friends that would watch smut with me in a dark theater are working or moved.

My beloved.

The lady looking at my Cal Fresh case checked my ID and said I was so pretty. Thank you sis, feed me plz.

I’m about 20 minutes out from having my favorite tacos. I’m so excited.

I’m about $2000 short on housing and bills. I’ve been working odd jobs but I’m coming up short. I’ve got some interviews coming up but I just want to make March. I know everyone is stretched thin so even just sharing helps. gofund.me/9ddeeb40c

I guess now is a great time to bring up that my ex wife went up to Max Landis and said “Hey you’re that guy” and he lit up and then she went “that rapist guy” and he go so mad and it would have been soooooo funny if he didn’t get terrifyingly mad.

4 months ago I thrifted the cutest scarf and it immediately went missing. Today I found out MY MOM HAS BEEN IN POSSESSION OF IT THIS WHOLE TIME.

Whenever my mom and I clean houses together we immediately spend a portion of our earnings on tacos and tomorrow we get our favorite ones.

I want a carnival date so bad. The last time I went on a carnival date the guy tried to win me a stuffed animal at basketball and he started crying when he kept missing the shot.

My aunt passed away in January and we had a very complicated relationship but I thought nothing made her happy but my mom just showed me a video of her and her parrot (my mom and dad now have custody of the parrot) and she looked so happy talking with her bird. It’s nice to know it made her happy.

Trans people want to have sex and make art and talk about sports and do all the shit everyone likes, and instead we have to think about Nazi freaks all day. This sucks eggs.

Beyond just being a book ban it lists gender dysphoria and transgender”ism” as explicitly sexual. It’s clear they want to follow through on Project 2025’s goal of labeling even existing as trans as being a sex crime.

My mom wanted fried chicken or pizza and I was like “we have food at home” and she was like “but I want junk food!” and we suddenly froze in the street because it was like we freaky fridayed my teenaged years.

Turtle looks at me with such genuine love in her eyes. I just want to give her everything she deserves.

My roommate and I are both obsessed with Reba. If Fancy doesn’t make you feel something you’re hollow.

It was genuinely horrible. I have the most strong gag reflex and it made me burp up bile.

Y’all I showed the guy I’m talking to to the group chat and they’re chewing me out.

It tastes like a pinecone.

Growing up I loved Auntie Mame because the world blessed me with like 7 of those. Just a bunch of fancy divas that send me shoes and wear lipstick to the drugstore.

I have one joint left in the whole house. I cannot afford weed. It is extremely dry and very old. Do I smoke it?

A few years ago I gifted my friend my record collection in an effort to “downsize” and immediately regretted it. A few days ago he asked me if I wanted it back because he’s moving and I almost wept.

Turtle just climbed onto my back and loafed. Sorry I can’t go anywhere.

Reminder that those in power want me and those like me to be dead.

My mom calls my dad “her lizard” because he likes to sit outside in his special chair and take naps in the sun.

My mom yells at me for not constantly bending to my cat’s will because “she brings luck to my home”.

She fell asleep making biscuits 😭

It’s such a beautiful day. I’m sending out job applications but I may as well do it on the porch (once I change out of the shirt that has a giant erect penis on it).

I'm gonna contribute to this today, but please chip in if you're able. Vanessa is the fucking best.

I can’t wear a shirt in my home?!

Dad is out of the hospital and feeling a little better! All testing ruled out his heart.

Turtle got startled and got me for the first time ever and shes been soooooo sorry.

I’m about $2000 short on housing and bills. I’ve been working odd jobs but I’m coming up short. I’ve got some interviews coming up but I just want to make March. I know everyone is stretched thin so even just sharing helps. gofund.me/9ddeeb40c

I named my stuffed lobster, Lawrence because Lawrence Fishburn sounds like the name of a cartoon lobster.

Okay I convinced my parents to go to the emergency room.

My dad sounds really sick and his arm hurts. I’m really worried.