Mushrooms is wild

I volunteered to sleep on the pullout sofa because I knew I'd be up before everyone. I slept exactly as one would expect. I'm getting too old for this shit.

Four minutes until 3.5 days of sweet freedom.

Get someone that loves you like I love packing my car in preparation for a trip. 😍

Okay, I'm done.

No more lore.

Chocolate isn't that good

It's true. I checked.

I'm not necessarily happy about it, but it was probably time to replace Sandstone as KCs major outdoor venue.

Retire, Bruce Springsteen.

They should stop doing radio stations.

More like farts and crafts

People live too long nowadays.

Rosemary is a great herb if you like the taste of Christmas tree.

Airline food could be a lot worse.

No TV show should have more than five seasons.

POOPFOOT HOUSEHOLD ANIMAL FECAL STENCH RANKINGS: 1. Cat 2. Tortoise 3. Dog 4. Me 5. Guinea Pig

I would love to take Gus to Bark at the Park, just to make everyone wait for 15 minutes as his big ass slowly saunters up the stairs. (Unfortunately, Gus is not great with unfamiliar dogs.)

I could have sworn it was at least 11:28 pm.

They're all gone. Hail Satan.

Ope, ICP gonna be at The Truman on 9/11. Happy birthday, @evolbrew.net.

Cc: @scribblymoth.bsky.social Pertinent to your DP interests. www.snackpack.com/juicy-gels/d...

Tonight's Dinner: Apple Cider Pork with Mashed Sweet Potatoes

I know evil is real because zucchini exists.

I See Stars is perfect Spravato music. tidal.com/track/441983...

I have never wanted to eat anything less. www.eatingwell.com/cabbage-wedg...

If the world is gonna end, I'll have The Meats. ™️

I hope the astronauts are all enjoying the astronaut ice cream that was introduced to me as a child on a field trip to the Cosmosphere in Hutchinson, KS. I am 100% sure that astronauts eat it daily on every mission, and anyone that tells me otherwise has been duped by Big Dairy.

Well, I voted. I assume they'll find a loophole to give the 1% tax to the Plaza owners or FIFA, but I did my best.

Katy Perry reference on the broadcast. #Blessed

I hope this guy gets herpes. www.wsmv.com/2026/04/06/g...

You miss 100% of the Starburst Jelly Beans you ate yesterday that you wish you had today but your car is having a sleepover at the mechanic so you're gonna have an apple or some shit and pout.

Reddit post from someone who's upset their favorite bands are called buttrock. Call it post-grunge all you like, bud. It's buttrock.

Tonight's Dinner: Spinach Feta Turkey Burgers

It's actually closer to 50 bags.

Nothing makes me want a new vehicle more than having to dump money into the one I have. Nothing makes me want a new vehicle less than seeing the trade-in value of my current ride and calculating the payment on the one I want. (My car is also paid off, and I genuinely like it.) (But still.)

Gonna wear my sluttiest shorts to Table Rock Lake this weekend so those Branson hillbillies know what's up.

I've gotten pretty used to not having Big Dub around the house, but there are certain days where I miss him a lot. Today is one of those days. (Because I need to move ~35 bags of sticks and brush to the curb and like making him do something occasionally.)

You're tellinge it took five days to get to the moon?! EARTH'S MOON?! Seems fake.

Time to go a new route on Hinge, I think.

There is no such thing as "just an oil change and a tire rotation." It's a myth. That's how they gitcha.

If I have one purpose on this Earth, it's to adopt as many animals as I can reasonably (and probably not legally) house, and then train them just barely enough to be socially acceptable without ever being helpful or obedient.

John Brown is inspirational to me in that he was crazier than a shithouse rat but also goal-oriented with strong moral character.

I should call her.

Pour one out for Charles Entertainment Cheese. A real one. www-wibw-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.wibw...

It is now the time of day where I (who showers every day without fail) question if it's too late for a shower to be practical and if it's okay to be a filthy degenerate until tomorrow morning.

My friends are the fucking best. Showed up to help me clean up my absolute disaster of a backyard. Thank you to the following: @thecomelyalpaca.bsky.social @evolbrew.net @shoelais.bsky.social @taulpall64.bsky.social @charlotteplanet.bsky.social @chowdastan.bsky.social and the Blueskyless BD.

When you forgot that you bought Starburst Jelly Beans >>>>>>>