I'm sick of writing mediocre posts just to have them ignored

please let me know if you hear about any haunted libraries that are hiring

This second piece of cake tastes like I'm not worthy of real love

grasping for joys

Please kill me. Thank you for coming to my TED talk

One week into 2026 like

What is this life?

DRAGULA PEST CONTROL Me: So I've been having this problem with ants. RZ: Dead I am the one, exterminating son Me: Um, ok. I like working with a family business. RZ: Slipping through the trees Me: it's just ants and they're indoors. RZ: Conquering the worm Me: I'll just call Orkin, thanks

Just realized I've been clenching my teeth since the early 80s

Love me violently or don’t waste my time.

I could probably be likeable if I wanted to.

Like so many, my dad was plagued by PTSD and nightmares after the war. In college he switched his major to language and literature because, as he said, "I needed to get it out of my gut...write it down. This is the way it began for me." Image: Rod Serling 1943 & 1975

I told my elderly aunt I loved her today and only after I said it did I realize we don’t really do that but she looked surprised and then said it back. She thanked me after she hugged me and I just don’t know why we don’t all say it more 💖

I'm gonna be sexy and weird while I still can

I’ve been so miserable lately I’m genuinely worried I’m at risk of losing my silly goose certification.

Pedro Pascal, who art in Hollywood, Hallowed be thy jawline. Thy daddy era come, thy trauma be done, Give us this day our daily thirst, And deliver us from weak men and mid TV. For thine are the mustache, the shoulders, and the smolder. Amen

I'm just a victim of circumstance and that circumstance is that I'm awful

That time you saw only one set of footprints in the sand was when Jesus unfollowed you

Heaven exists in the way you smile The way your eyes sparkle like starlight There's nothing more beautiful than that

Just don’t!

Homemade brownies with butter pecan ice cream 🤤

IDK how to flirt with people in real life or anywhere at all

Thanks Daddy

A friendly reminder to unclench your jaw while shitposting

I'd flirt with myself just to leave everyone alone but I'm not into me at all

I would like one (1) stop having anxiety, please

If you have a crush on me you legally have to tell me today

I really need to take better care of myself before I die. Or just die.

I can't be the adorable one ALL the time. Do your part.

Thoughtfulness is hot.

Hunka hunka burnin' anxiety logging on

Okay, I get it, no one likes me, jeez…

If there's one thing I've learned from this precious, wild life, it's that I probably shouldn't speak. Ever. Like EVER.

I spend an awful lot of time in flight-or-fight mode for someone doing no fighting-or-flying

the soothing sounds of early morning garbage collection let me know that part of our society has not broken down (yet)

Spent your whole life trying to be a person when it turns out you're anything but

She has 73 pages and 53 minutes left before book club tonight. Let's see if she makes it

What isn't lava, at this point?!

Cat people: - leave you alone mostly - silent - purr and rub against you when they want attention - will lick for hours Dog people: - make a ton of noise - smell a little - annoy you until you rub their belly - can't even shit without you The choice is clear.

Rebranding as 2014 me cuz life was a lot simpler back then.

Summer body? I'm lucky if I get my *at least you didn't throw up on your own mouth when you saw it* body

Keep calm. Sundress season is almost here.

Nobody will remember: - your salary - how "busy you were" - how many hours you worked People WILL remember: - that time in school when you said that dumb thing - omg they all still talk about it - you should see the group chat - nerd

Do you have major anxiety right now or are you somehow avoiding news

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