SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE

Coworker of mine made his wife a special dinner to commemorate the 40th anniversary of COMMANDO debuting in theaters

what other sport offers the scenario Angry Pennsylvanians Swear Blood Oath Against Utah Cookie Magnate

Quiznos brass never would have pulled this shit. It's not about neglecting your family. It's about putting out a pretty good product and scamming the shit out of your franchisees with an oven that breaks fortnightly.

where my Holy Infant Salsa Verde 💚

POV your uncle who won’t stop checking on the turkey

thinking of her today

A Christmas Story (1983)

Double dipping to offer “Drink night train / go to the basketball game / throw up under the bleachers”

One thing fatherhood has taught me: the Ducktails theme song is the absolute best soundtrack to making a sudden and reckless U turn in the rain.

You may recognize these turkeys from their conspiracy to kidnap Gov. Gretchen Whitmer

How’d this guy know I’m a Quiznos fan?

It's a close race between this and DAY AT THE FAIR for top MST3K short

Michael Olmert: to understand all is to forgive all

If it’s not “Heart of a Champion”, did your high school basketball team even have a warm up CD?

Listening to the Unclear and Present Danger podcast with @jamellebouie.net , and he made a striking analogy: the Trump administration sorta resembles the Confederacy trying to win everything in the first 24 months...

Happy partially muscled skeleton screaming before vanishing day to all those who celebrate.

[To the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison] 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵Walking down the street 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵House with chicken feet 🎵Baba Yaga

I'm finding out today that MANY of you did not receive rambling, stream-of-conscious emails from your boomer uncles or grandparents

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

HBD Kurt Vonnegut, one of the best Americans ever. His Uncle Alex story is one of my absolute faves. Real hard these days to enjoy the lemonade but we really gotta try hard to keep our spirits up to fight these bastards.

Why am I repeatedly being told what this guy thinks about anything? I don’t really have a problem with this headline or whatever. But why is he always in the news saying something like this?

Now and forever: fuck Tyser Tower

we will look back on this day as an overall win for the good guys

Kentucky’s greatest weakness is playing someone that peaked in 1984.

Ah yes, the rarely seen reverse third amendment violation

♫ HERE I AM, SHOCK YOU LIKE A HUGH O’KANE ♫

Carmelo Anthony is a Baltimore basketball legend. The pathway to reach the NBA has left those with fewer resources facing a steeper climb. He hopes he's not the last one to go from the B-more projects to the HOF but, “I do think it has gotten there, to this kind of rich man game.” wapo.st/3Jt4Khi

Wow, crazy news today. Anyway, here are my top eight prop bets for the Thunder-Pacers game tonight, sponsored by GambleYourEntireIRA dot com ...

“You sucked in home alone 2”

"What if, in the process of trying to ban AI products that quite actually encourage children to kill themselves, we wind up banning chatbots that help children cheat on their homework, diminish their propensity for critical thought, and lead to the development of other forms of AI psychosis?"

Those are Jum legs if I ever saw them

I had an English professor who regularly said that the degree is a means to understanding others, and to understand all is to forgive all. So yeah conservatives hate this shit.

Imagine putting in an effort like this in front of Ludacris

Truly chilling.

“It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times”

One of my favorite anecdotes from THE PREHISTORY OF THE FAR SIDE: "That doesn't sound like the Jane Goodall we know."

bombing a set in front of esteemed military officers is such a wasted opportunity. just do crowd work, man. pick literally any two audience members and ask if they're dating

if i were a would-be dictator whose only civilian check on power had been consumed by total-complete partisan loyalty, something i would definitely do is call an unprecedented in-person meeting of the only people who could stop me and then proceed to illustrate why they should stop me

Eric Adams is amazing because when he won every media person was leaping over each to go “this is the normal sane leadership that the political left doesn’t understand normal sane Americans crave” and then every day since that Eric Adams has been like “Leprechauns are real and I’m going to cook one”

Taking my Friday night to the MOON BITCHES!* *making breakfast for dinner and singing “shortening bread” to the dog

Don't think I've ever felt this embarrassed to be an American. There's shame and anger too. But mostly embarrassment. We're the laughingstock of the developed world. And we should be.

College football journalists were the first people I saw saying that Biden was going to drop out of the election. They knew what was up once “he’s our head coach” talk started.

me at Costco on a Sunday afternoon

This is the type of run you only see from 16 year olds committing a smash and grab robbery at Burlington Coat Factory

SEPTEMBER MARYLAND, BABY!

By 2035, late-night television will have rebounded, but there will be just one program simulcast at 11:35 PM ET across NBC, ABC, CBS and FOX: The Adam Friedland Show