Big East Simpsons bits season has returned

“They play chumps to boost their metrics” is a dead giveaway for people not understanding how metrics work. Blowing out bad teams consistently is hard! UConn wasn’t bad tonight. Wasn’t great either. KenPom spread was 28, won by 27. Fine day at the office. System works. Etc etc

UConn was the first to 69 points this evening. In the Dan Hurley era, UConn is 123-1 (99.19%) when scoring 69 points before their opponents. Huskies beat Columbia 89-62.

Dan Hurley just used a coach’s challenge. UConn is up 86-61 with 26.3 seconds left. He was not happy with the result of the challenge. I love him.

They say fans can get spoiled, and maybe I am. 26-13 is a great start, but once you’ve tasted 44-3… I guess I’ll just be chasing that dragon forever.

AP votes are in. UConn, which is third with three first place votes, hit every stop from 1-6, and a few outliers had them 9 and 10.

That’s right Brett McMurphy

UConn FOOTBALL is 7-3. They have upset Duke. They have not lost in regulation this year. They are good at playing football, the sport with the oval-ish ball. UConn: everything school.

St. John’s is so much worse than I thought

Stand Closer to the Three Point Line Project Game 2: UConn stood closer (only one shot further than 25 ft) and delivered an ass beating for the history books. Probably a lesson there!

UConn beat UMass Lowell by 63 and was at one point up 44-3 so the heat maps were always going to be comical but great googly moogly

If you sort @barttorvik.bsky.social to just yesterday UConn basically has a perfect score

UConn beat UMass Lowell so bad they jumped from 7 to 3 in KenPom

UConn was the first to 69 points this evening. In the Dan Hurley era, UConn is 122-1 (99.18%) when scoring 69 points before their opponents. Huskies beat UMass Lowell by so, so many points.

UConn is beating them so bad they’re going to strip Lowell of flagship status and give it to Amherst lol

KenPom had UConn favored by 30. At halftime the lead is…. more than that

Having an extremely large human is useful in basketball

Bo Nix and the Denver Broncos have the most wins in professional football

Something we’ll be monitoring all season, the “Stand Closer to the Three Point Line Project” Game one verdict: UConn’s shooters should stand closer to the Three Point Line.

UConn v. New Haven shot maps are up. Huskies only attempted (and made*) one 2-pointer outside the paint. Meanwhile NH absolutely thrived in “Bullshit City.” If every opponent has to get more than 25% of their makes there, I will be happy. But need 🐻 back in post. *Stewart.

Villanova in an ugly, close. rock fight to open their season, but since they hired a good coach it’s against a ranked team instead of like, Columbia. Improvement!

I’m starting to think Xavier missed the most important word in my “Xavier please DON’T lose to Marist” pre-game note

Peat Moss’d him

There is a lot for UConn to improve on but the fact is New Haven played the single best game in program history and UConn still won by 24.

UConn is the first to 69 points this evening. In the Dan Hurley era, UConn is 120-1 (99.17%) when scoring 69 points before their opponents. Huskies lead New Haven 70-49 with 4:01 remaining.

Tonight is the University of New Haven’s first D-1 game, and KenPom projects UConn to beat them by 37 points. That strikes me as aggressive—UConn is banged up—but if the Huskies don’t beat it I’ll be miserable until Friday. I am of sound mind and emotionally well-balanced.

So kind of @norlander.bsky.social to include me on this list, I assume as some sort of cruel prank on those who would make use of it.

Opening night for college basketball and since we’re all friends here I hope that all you Butler, DePaul, Georgetown, Marquette, Seton Hall, Villanova, and Xavier fans have great success in out-of-conference play.

Pornography? Before 6 pm on a Sunday? Well if you insist…

MVP MVP MVP

Fourth quarter Bo Nix

We gotta start lying to Bo Nix and telling him every quarter is the fourth quarter

The phrase “we learned Auburn fired its coach because his standing tee time was cancelled” is all you need to know. If you feel a great stirring inside you’re a college football person. If not, I don’t care to know you.

My congratulations to all Baseball Perverts. It was their "super bowl" last night and it seems they all had a very bad time (in their culture that's how you have a good time)

In true Canadian fashion the 48,000 Blue Jay fans there will now respectfully thank the 2,000 Dodgers fans in the building for coming to visit Canada and express well wishes for the rest of their visit.

Concussing your teammate to send Game 7 to extras >>>>>>>> Denying us the funniest error of all time by holding on to the ball <<<<<<<<<

WALK-OFF HIT BY PITCH IN PLAY

A walk-off home run would be cool but can you imagine how funny a walk-off balk would be

Imagine hitting a game-tying home run in the ninth inning of game seven of the World Series and the announcer reaction is “him???”

“Arch Manning leads Texas to a signature upset win over Vanderbilt” is not an alert I really expected to get in this lifetime

BOWL ELIGIBLE UCONN

There is a rumbling in the distance. Barely above a whisper in the wind. But it is coming. Trumpets will sound. Men will tremble. All will know: Bowl Eligible UConn

I did not see a single caramel apple pops and it is A CRIME

[/standing on second base thinking about my childhood dream of scoring in the last at-bat to win the world series] [/get doubled up on a fly ball] “Look, so what had happened was”

Getting doubled-up on the base paths when George Springer, perhaps the most impactful home run hitter in World Series history on deck is a choice. And violence to me, personally.

Oh cool this house has a pirate flag up for Halloween… wait a minute…

Kentucky’s greatest weakness is playing someone that peaked in 1984.

Obviously if if I had them on hand caramel apple pops they’d be in here too. Best Halloween candies:

The nerd who calculates how much each at bat adds to the odds of winning a championship must be very mad at Freddie Freeman for making his laptop burst into flames just now