new challenging layer to the stupidest game i play "trying not to learn the result of a bears game i recorded while biking around the city when it's nice out" since anyone at any time can be watching the game on their phone. it's like the matrix. anyone at any time can say "they just punted"

steve pearl posting "it finally happened!!!!!!!!!" in the Steve Coaching Sons group chat

stevesession bsky.app/profile/norm...

If you’re named Steve and in line to get your father’s head coaching job, stay in line.

matt eberflus appears at cowboys practice facility with eyepatch and headband, smoking a cigarette. "please call me 'punished eberflus' he says of new look

really need a "i thought we went out there and executed our game plan, obviously we need to clean some things up" press conference from eberflus right now.

what a sick throw, i love watching the hotshot qb guy do crazy stuff before remembering that he works for the chicago bears bsky.app/profile/mina...

being told that after the game caleb williams changed into an enormous mustard yellow suit and sought out matt eberflus in the locker room so he could say to him "enjoy yourself, dog"

i love that tom brady's role in the broadcast is not to explain anything happening but just to say Football Gibberish. BURKHARDT: Tom, what do you see here that let that receiver get so wide open? Looks like a little pick play. BRADY: (chuckling) we call that one the Epic of Gilgamesh.

dis so-called eberflus, I call him ebertflus so I can give him two t'umbs down!!!!!

the giants are having some trouble getting lined up after they switched their cadence at the last minute to having to do an impression of how legendary actor michael caine would pronounce the words "russell wilson"

cowboys injury update: matt eberflus has entered The Device

the jerry jones shaking his head in the box looking like the grim reaper is about to hand him another johnny walker camera shot hits so much better when it's your shitty ass team doing it to him

i just finished watching the bears game here are my thoughts

bluesky available feeds: following discover eagles fans melting down about a game that i assume they will win by at least two touchdowns

BURKHARDT: And there it is, the Bears have broken the huddle and they are parading the head of the Khan's messenger through the stadium. BRADY: That's... a tough one, KB You know when we spoke with Ben he talked about the importance of not antagonizing the Great Khan. An unforced error, KB

NFL ON CBS Executive: OK, for this 50th anniversary we're going all out. we want retro music, retro graphics, build a retro set, I don't care here's a blank check. NFL ON CBS Hair and Makeup Person: You want us to get retro wigs for the talent? EXEC: Here's 8 bucks, go to party city

arnold firing a bad guy into a jumbotron from 300 feet away using a nuclear weapon that was disguised as a hot dog cannon at an nfl game and then yelling "SCOAH BOAAAHD"

ALEX HORNE: Please open the envelope and read out the task. ORSON WELLES: Emphasize the word "in" in the phrase "in July." You have 30 seconds.

TONY: this one says tested CARMELLA: You like teams that are tested TONY: not this much. I like the teams are somewhat tested. CARMELLA: (throws diagram at him) bsky.app/profile/sick...

rutgers football

the FDA announces it has approved the controversial drug Provasic despite allegations of "switched samples" and the arrest of a doctor after he got into a fistfight with a murder suspect on top of a chicago hotel.

I've updated the website for the fiction section of my blog, adding all of last years stories related to stadiums along with the previous entries that were related to "as told to" coach books and the adventures of Buck Duckett, NCAA Investigator theoafquarterly.blogspot.com/2024/08/the-...

ANTIFA BILL SIMMONS: Are we sure Trotsky is good? Look I'm just saying you know great job with the Rex Army in the Civil War. But you're really getting assassinated with an ice pick in Mexico? Getting some real Brad Beal vibes from him House

lmao bsky.app/profile/byct...

they're radicalizing the podcasters. simmons doing an underground pirate radio feed directing raids on government weapons facilities and also the 2021 redraftables. maron wearing a leather jacket and beret puts out a galois before punching an administration mole yelling tell me who are your guys

thinking about al michaels doing a live ad read for Buzzballs

just saw wildcat legend malik washington in an NFL game

(al michaels voice) yo homie, that's MY briefcase

In light of the Kershaw news, here's a in retrospect very 2020 Head Space post i wrote about how awesome it is to see Kershaw give up huge playoff homers and then react like a Mike Tyson's Punch Out Guy who got hit in the stomach bringyourchampionstheyreourmeat.blogspot.com/2020/10/i-am...

BURKHARDT: And there it is, the Bears have broken the huddle and they are parading the head of the Khan's messenger through the stadium. BRADY: That's... a tough one, KB You know when we spoke with Ben he talked about the importance of not antagonizing the Great Khan. An unforced error, KB

I just finished reading invisible cities and I'm going to use it to become even more annoying. Where is my next trip? Maybe Alma, the city of parapets where every year a great and terrifying statue rises made from the regrets of its ashen-faced women and mortified men. I think Spirit flies there.

fans of crummy college football teams have lost the ability to completely ruin a big program's season with a crazy upset. the expanded playoff means we now live in a world where you can theoretically lose to northwestern and win a national championship, and I find that perverse.

the league messed up letting veronica burton wear purple again. she's too powerful.

kimmel and carolla having a tense showdown like de niro and pacino in heat on the set of the man show while girls grimly jump on trampolines in the background

when your baseball team makes the playoffs

just looked at the schedule and it is incredibly funny that the big ten gave northwestern and UCLA both bye weeks so they have 2 weeks to prepare for the only conference game each team might win

2035: americans pass around VHS tapes of crank yankers like samizdat

on the one hand the Cubs are going insanely hard for clinching a wildcard berth, on the other hand, shota imanaga televised champagne celebration bsky.app/profile/marc...

america being subjected to approximately two (2) cubs playoff games

everyone making fun of what the first lady is wearing doesn't realize she's painstakingly doing the controller moves for the kung lao hat fatality

I know I like to make things up for laughs and japes on this website but I want to assure you that the following statement is 100% true and something I would not lie to you about: Ron Coomer is doing a radio ad for something called "pumpkin spice bacon"

I don't know what happened to Pat but Ron Coomer is somehow calling a game on his own in the fourth inning and we're getting a major league style "fly ball... caught" situation in Pittsburgh

Tom Brady may communicate vital Bears information to the Raiders such as the number of downs you get in a regulation NFL football game.

Literary scholars raising questions about the supposed autobiography of Howard Hughes that Pat Murphy has been reading to Brewers players in the clubhouse

Kyle Tucker announced he will be rehabbing his calf in Los Angeles because "let's face it I'm basically a dodger already"

Bears fans are concerned about Tom Brady passing vital bears strategies he learns from the production meeting in the game he's calling this week against the Cowboys to the Raiders who the Bears play next week such as "do not rush the quarterback" and "do the same old shitty Bears offense"

Ben Johnson emerging from a press conference with completely white hair: ok, let's talk about the dallas cowboys