Indy 🐧
@indecisivejones.bsky.social
📤 6855
📥 686
📝 599
husband, father, animation aficionado, penguin
pinned post!
me: correct me if I’m wrong- the internet: sir, we will correct you even if you’re right
over 2 years ago
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what idiot called it a wave and not standing water
3 months ago
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a nutri-grain bar is just an uncircumcised fig newton
7 months ago
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Indy 🐧
𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙤𝙣 𝙫𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙚™
11 months ago
i’m not just good at sex, i’m a
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frovo day
7 months ago
ME: can i take your picture MUSEUM CURATOR: what no
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coworker thought that Michael Jackson covered Alien Ant Farm’s Smooth Criminal
9 months ago
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Robert Manchild
9 months ago
I have never wound up on Threads on purpose.
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RiotGrlErin
9 months ago
man: i bet she’s thinking about other guys. me: arby’s is pronounced rb’s which stands for roast beef.
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why yes, I happen to know all the struggles of today’s modern women. - me, after accidentally buying a pair of sweatpants without any pockets
11 months ago
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Jon Drake
11 months ago
“AI is gonna take your job” I’d like to see AI drink a little too much and text all his friends about how cherished they are
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nicky the friendly shark
11 months ago
that’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, fighting with a pigeon
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Gare Davis
11 months ago
fix your hearts or die
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me: *holding a devil’s food cake* satan: me: satan: give it back…
11 months ago
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[trapped inside a volcano] Me: Toddler: Me: Toddler: Be Careful... Me: *sigh* Toddler: The floor is lava...
11 months ago
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Ahhhhh
11 months ago
What did this person think saying this in my mentions would result in
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The Serfs (youtube.com/theserfstv)
11 months ago
Can a headline alone be eligible for a Pulitzer?
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Me: What’s your favorite farm animal? Owen Wilson: Cow
12 months ago
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Me: So is Panic! At the Disco saying it’s better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality, or poison rationality? Doctor: I meant questions about your surgery.
11 months ago
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nicky the friendly shark
11 months ago
i do not trust birds that stand on one leg. what are they hiding
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Me: So is Panic! At the Disco saying it’s better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality, or poison rationality? Doctor: I meant questions about your surgery.
11 months ago
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Indy 🐧
🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
about 1 year ago
if I had a boss I would simply jump on their head three times to defeat them
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You ever go back and watch episodes of your kids favorite shows just to fill in all the plot points you missed? Just me then?
11 months ago
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Den “Is it Halloween yet?” Shewman
11 months ago
Who could have guessed that Neil Gaiman’s greatest work of fiction would be his kind, gentle persona? Devastated
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you’ll never guess what this is in response to
11 months ago
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coworker thought that Michael Jackson covered Alien Ant Farm’s Smooth Criminal
11 months ago
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little disappointed blue sky doesn’t do anything like the balloons on your birthday, not gonna lie
11 months ago
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Indy 🐧
Princess of Whales
12 months ago
Once again I am being punished for my competence
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weeder
12 months ago
Ask yourself, "am I harder to kill than I was 8 years ago?"
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it’s getting too cold for this shit
12 months ago
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ceej
12 months ago
please stop suggesting I solve my problem by changing my behavior. I do not want to do that
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Misread sexual favors as sexual flavors, and now I got an idea for an adult Baskin-Robbins spin off.
12 months ago
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slate
12 months ago
interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume? me: that’s where i forgot what happened
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Me: What’s your favorite farm animal? Owen Wilson: Cow
12 months ago
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your new dad
12 months ago
[watching two towers with my son] me: did you know that scene when aragorn kicks the helmet— son: yes everyone knows— me: —is when i got your mom pregnant
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36 year old coworker just realized Funyuns are onion flavored
12 months ago
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Nappy Dolemite
12 months ago
The first hour of the morning is when the day really starts going downhill
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once you have kids they will subconsciously do everything in their power to prevent you from creating any more
12 months ago
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Misread sexual favors as sexual flavors, and now I got an idea for an adult Baskin-Robbins spin off.
12 months ago
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on the oregon trail you can die of dysentery, but on the organ trail you run the risk of tripping over a random spleen
12 months ago
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Swim Jeans 👖
12 months ago
ME: do you have any specials PHARMACIST: what
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Indy 🐧
jokes on you New Year’s Eve, I drop the ball all the time
12 months ago
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jokes on you New Year’s Eve, I drop the ball all the time
12 months ago
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slightly disappointed napkins have nothing to do with sleeping
12 months ago
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tired eyes? try new folgers eye drops
12 months ago
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Tammy Golden
12 months ago
NOSFERATU (dir Robert Eggers 2024)
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Cap’n Watsisname
12 months ago
My child, when there was only one set of footprints we were masking our numbers
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Share a crush with no explanation
add a skeleton here at some point
12 months ago
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me: coworkers wife smashed his phone for looking at instagram girls my wife: how long has she been cheating on him? me: how’d you...
12 months ago
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