Warning! Attention all boaters: I have put my garbage cans out to the curb. Expect winds to pick up considerably between now and when the garbage truck arrives tomorrow morning. Watch for flying debris. Please bring the lids to my can back if you find them…

The thing about having AI write your school assignments for you is that you never learn how to bullshit, run out the word count, sound like you know what you’re talking about—possibly the most important skill set in our society.

Me: So is there a Mrs. Pibb? Mr Pibb(tears welling in his eyes staring off into the middle distance):no...no not anymore

1. Number of stories about Trump buying and selling hundreds of millions of dollars in stocks in the first three months of 2026: CBS: 0 CNN: 0 Fox News: 0 NPR: 0 PBS: 0 Politico: 0 Semafor: 0 Business Insider: 0

Yesterday, the Senate was one vote away from ending the war with Iran. The vote failed 49–50. Three Republicans even crossed the aisle to vote yes. John Fetterman was the only Democrat to vote no and killed the entire effort. The amount of disgust we have for Fetterman is immeasurable.

If you missed Trump arriving in China 🇨🇳 it was like watching the Clampetts arriving in Beverly hills.

Every time I hear about rising gas prices or the war, I can't help but think about the Epstein files.

GILLIBRAND: How did we bomb 22 schools? COOPER: There's no indication we have G: So how do you explain publicly available information that 22 schools have been hit and multiple hospitals? C: There's no way we can corroborate that G: Have you investigated those claims? C: We have not

This. All of this. #Pinks #ProudBlue

Donald Trump babbling about Chinese restaurants to President Xi Jinping? Embarrassing.

BURGUM: When the sun goes down, solar produces zero electricity HUFFMAN: I want to enter into the record this amazing new technology that apparently the secretary is unaware of -- it's a battery

Here's a common scam that is going around that you should know about: Sometimes cats will meow at you like they haven't been fed, but in fact someone DID feed them and they're just trying to get fed again. Stay alert !!‼️

"If the Epstein files was full of black people they would have broadcast them on live national television."

It doesn't bother me when Trump sleeps. But the awake part, that's becoming an issue.

No he obviously does not. Share with any trumpies you know

I read hundreds of pages of Epstein testimony from Trump’s Commerce Secretary and Ghislaine Maxwell’s boyfriend so you don’t have to. joycevance.substack.com/p/forgetting...

I want a president that other people don't have to make excuses for whenever he speaks.

My grandma used to tell me she was “just resting her eyes,” but I knew she had dozed off. The difference, she wasn’t the President of the United States in the middle of a televised meeting.

Me: what is your objective here Cat: Comfort. I am motivated solely by personal comfort Me: … because it sure SEEMS like you are arranging to sit so that you can thwack me in the face with your tail Cat: sheer coincidence, I assure you

being a carpenter in your 30’s is installing a handicap bar or rail in a bathroom for an older/disabled person, and then using it and realizing it would actually benefit yourself to have one in your own bathroom.

Here is a very important video of an otter having his head stroked.

BREAKING: The DOJ is now 146 days overdue in releasing the Epstein files.

On this day in 1946, Claudia Goldin was born. In 2023, she became the first woman to win a solo Nobel in economics. In 2026, she helped the players’ union for the Women’s National Basketball Association negotiate a nearly 400% raise by demonstrating that the women were woefully underpaid. #WeTheMen

The President of the United States is a liar.

Letting men decide about women's health care is like letting your dog make decisions about your car because he likes to ride in it sometimes.

The uneasy truce between me and the spider in my car that I have never seen but leaves little webs on my dashboard every morning

i see a horse has won the kentucky derby again. this is beginning to feel rigged

People have told me that I dislike Trump because he is a Republican. They are wrong. I dislike Trump because he is a terrible human being.

Got up early in hopes of catching this photo before work this morning. There's only a few days each year where it's cool enough in the morning to make this shot possible. Thankfully, today was one of those days! #wildlife #birds

neighbor: did you steal my trampoline are robert me: accusations harmful

asked my boss if i could work from home but he said i don’t even work from work

John Lewis was beaten with clubs wrapped in barbed wire on the Edmund Pettus Bridge fighting for voting rights. Today’s SCOTUS decision takes the sacrifice and fight of all who marched before us and throws it away. We must keep marching — too many have fought too hard to give up.

I’m fucking dead

Me: How do I *feel*? Crippled by sorrow. Imprisoned in my own consciousness. Like a man with no parachute in a burning plane Dr: I meant your ankle

We need more ballroom control laws in this country. A felon should never be able to get a ballroom.

Frankly, I think the D.C. McDonald’s staff are having a greater effect on his health than any attempted assassin.

“All we have to fear, is fear itself” “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall” “What the hell is a corner store?” Great Presidential quotes of our time

Hegseth can quote Pulp Fiction all he wants. A very quotable movie. But, maybe throw in some good stuff from The Princess Bride, or Monty Python and the Holy Grail if he really wants credibility as a film buff.

The Pope doesn’t seem worried about being primaried from the right.

Don't need to go to Coachella. I can just blast different songs simultaneously from every room in my house and pretend I have no bathrooms.

Mel Gibson pictured with his doctor in 2004

Disgusting. This is why mass pardoning people for politics is never a good idea.

He addressed the press and labeled the information as false. It is imperative to address this dishonesty appropriately, as such behavior is unacceptable.

AOC: Whether it’s people in the Epstein files still roaming free, or the president, a known rapist, continuing to occupy the White House, all of this has contributed to the normalization and the idea that incidents of harassment shouldn’t matter. And I think today was an important turning point

😊

“Look, I appreciate the pope’s efforts, but he just doesn’t understand Catholicism” is such a funny stance that so many people are taking. I’m not Catholic but I’m pretty sure the pope knows ball, so to speak.