Family Enters Crisis Talks After Learning Restaurant Has 45-Minute Wait http://theonion.com/family-enters-crisis-talks-after-learning-restaurant-ha-1819577952/

This is the most normal things will be for the rest of your life

for years republicans have gotten away with racial gerrymandering by pretending it was political gerrymandering. it appears that trump has screwed this tried and tested strategy up by sending a letter saying DO MORE RACIAL GERRYMANDERING

Theres like a whole category of shit the trump admin has tried that they could have gotten away with if they were like 12% less hamfisted

Olivia Nuzzi was doing presidential candidates the right way. By Ezra Klein

Johnson: I will bomb Laos. Nixon: I will bomb Laos and Cambodia. Which one will appeal to voters?

The problem with “we should simply have rules and systems that prevent you from doing bad things” is that we had those! The problem is that when you have people who don’t give a shit in charge of the executive branch, legislature, and courts, it doesn’t matter! There is no counter to lack of virtue!

Kazakhstan is playing at the Faroe Islands today. That’s an away trip of 3500 miles one way. They’re both in the same federation.

Once a month I wake up to a story like "Half the world doesn't work because of the NetBastard outage" I didn't even know about net bastard

Watching episode 2 of the Burns saga reminded me of Benjamin Rush's remark from 1786-87: "Nothing is more common than to confound the terms of the American revolution with those of the late American war. The American war is over: but this is far from being the case with the American revolution."

Pentagon Blames Venezuela For Flow Of Drugs Into Kash Patel https://theonion.com/pentagon-blames-venezuela-for-flow-of-drugs-into-kash-patel/

Call me old fashioned, but I remember when armed agents of the state barking, "where are your papers!?" was a thing that Americans associated with other, less free, less enlightened countries.

Does the WH have a dedicated sex criminal assistance hotline or something

The first victory for the Butlerian Jihad

Thomas Jefferson to Alexander Hamilton, June 1790:

Tens of thousands of young men will be radicalized because they like ketchup more than mustard and the YouTube algorithm, in its wisdom, has decided that means it’s time for them to be introduced to Julius Evola.

also there are so, so many great journalists out of work or underemployed, and it's fucking infuriating to see the mediocre rise when their real talent is sucking up.

the Nuzzi story is just reality tv for people who think they’re too good to care about the Kardashians

lots of women thirst after monstrous creatures, whether it's the Ghoul from Fallout, the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, or RFK Jr.

The Department of Unsubtle Metaphors continues to exceed expectations

paging @williamhogeland.bsky.social

kinda makes me insane that it’s just like, a completely open thing that the vice president to the oldest president in history is in dms with 17 year old nazis and it’s just never once been a real story

The vast body of research that Ken Burns relied upon to make his new documentary on the American Revolution would be practically impossible to be produced today, what with the defunding of humanistic scholarship, the collapse of stable academic jobs, the attack on public history & academic freedom.🗃️

In the 1740s Captain Lawrence Washington went off to fight under Admiral Edward Vernon (future namesake of a particular plantation in Fairfax County) in a poorly planned, badly led, ultimately futile assault on northern South America - thankfully the sort of thing we Americans don’t do anymore 😬

I have yet to read a single Revolutionary War text that doesn’t quote Henry Clinton calling himself “a shy bitch” - it might honestly be the single most quoted thing a British officer said during the entire war

Emperor Julian the Apostate in 360 AD:

stonks down

At least the 2008 crash was about a bet that housing would never decline. The next one will be about betting that six companies who sell each other magic beans would never decline

General Secretary Joseph Stalin proposing the principle of Socialism In One Country, January 1926:

Every backwards rural shithole in the history of the entire world has been a hotbed of reaction but everyone from French radlibs to Chinese communists thinks they’re the ones who are going to turn it around. There is nothing new under the sun.

"are Southern whites more racist than other American whites" is like the most tested question of all time in American history and the answer is yes extremely so

Former Army Sniper Struggling To Readjust To Being Near Stuff https://theonion.com/former-army-sniper-struggling-to-readjust-to-being-near-stuff/

We over-index on media and symbolism at the expense of substance a lot, but an enormous amount of the work to rectify this period *will* need to be extremely symbolic

Trump Imposes 100% Tax On Movies Where Slaves Escape

We should reboot journalism completely. Start from scratch. They should get those old timey hats and a pencil and figure it out from there

'A House of Dynamite' but it's your uncles trying to deep fry a turkey.

“I just had to ask: If there’s no worm, does the early bird go hungry? Meanwhile, across town, Samantha was dealing with a different sort of worm of her own.”

"defense attorneys are telling us they can’t get their clients to take good or reasonable plea offers because they felt they’re better off spending their money on a political donation, drawing Trump’s attention, and getting the case dismissed or going to trial and getting a pardon."

William Pitt the Elder, opposition leader and future Earl of Chatham, in 1766:

bush v gore is the hinge upon which basically everything awful from the last quarter century swings on

Amount of time the Seven Years War actually took vs. amount of time allotted to the seven Years War in most accounts of the America Revolution

i don't think that bush v. gore is the *worst* ruling in the history of the supreme court, but i do think it is the most openly *corrupt* ruling in its history. a real disgrace.

the sense of incredulity and comic revulsion i get every time i see a cybertruck in the wild has not been reduced by even a single degree in all the time they’ve been on the street

that's an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Sean Payton for getting trucked by a ref on that Broncos' INT return

Antisemitism is a lot like Qanon child abuse conspiracies in that there’s this real and bad phenomenon and, parallel to that, what can only be described as a large scale mass psychosis about a mostly fictional version of the same phenomenon