me, having an oracular vision: so what if capital was like, one guy. and that one guy was, like, a pedophile, and he was also patriarchy. he runs harvard and the trilateral commission. he gave bill gates the clap the two stoned dudes sitting on my couch with me: bro why are you like this

pictured: our geese looking at airplanes

Nice circus, dude. That’s probably, what, like two rings? Oh it’s one ring? That’s crazy. Oh no mine has three yeah. No I don’t really bring it up it’s like people think I’m bragging I guess. A one ring circus is cool though man.

hey wanna see 39 seconds of perfect video editing?

YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, YOU CAN BE INTERVIEWED BY CHOTINER YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, YOU CAN ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, YOUR ANSWERS WILL NOT PUBLICLY REVEAL MORALLY QUESTIONABLE THINGS ABOUT YOU YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, NO ONE WILL LAUGH AT YOUR SELF-INFLICTED MISFORTUNE

im sorry i didnt know you were upset i thought you were doing an unfunny bit

Some people tell you to eat shit and die, but I ask only that you eat shit. Once you have eaten shit, I wish you no further harm

YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, YOU CAN BE INTERVIEWED BY CHOTINER YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, YOU CAN ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, YOUR ANSWERS WILL NOT PUBLICLY REVEAL MORALLY QUESTIONABLE THINGS ABOUT YOU YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY, NO ONE WILL LAUGH AT YOUR SELF-INFLICTED MISFORTUNE

I'm gonna become the first guy to walk out of family court sentenced to death

Petsmart SUCKS

the only good aronofsky

handjob: the series

i just love leaving feedback and i appreciate that there are somehow so many people in the world with similar names who regularly fuck up entering their email address and instead enter mine

New threat just dropped

fyi

i designed a t-shirt to let people know about my dream of a beautiful perfect world of horse roryblank.bigcartel.com

i just love leaving feedback and i appreciate that there are somehow so many people in the world with similar names who regularly fuck up entering their email address and instead enter mine

the horrors land differently when it feels like everyone is fucking furious

This sold for 425 ETH. $1.59M

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

I am filled with rage and despair. The world has been sapped of all pleasures and joy, and every moment is its own little hell. I don’t think there’s anything in this world for me, and I think the world agrees. Anyway, just wanted to say happy birthday, hope it’s a great one!!

the most relatable moment in cinema is when yoda beats on that little robot with a stick for stealing his granola bar

In the 2010s, the Icelandic tv station Channel 2 accidentally added subtitles from a gritty crime drama to an episode of Teletubbies. I have translated some of the highlights

I still don't like canva, but I guess I have a use for it

I know there's a lot more important things going on, but I just want us all to take a moment and read this headline and let it swim around our brains like a screaming paramecium

turning a big dial taht says ["I hope the thing happened to that guy"] on it and constantly looking back at the [lawyers on here] for [is this vague enough] like a contestant on the price is right.

I love you my internet friends, I enjoy us all wanting one specific guy to be fucking dead, together. 🫶 🥰

(An image of a pig defecating in its own large testicles)

imagine if you took all the city's meat and put it in a freezer

i feel like the niche for this content is incredibly small and that makes it considerably funnier to me

there's a style of 18xx game that i call "Austerity Trains" and you can usually tell if it's that type of game because the rules will have extended sections about shit like insolvency and receivership

damn what is wrong with me, i am having the hardest time concentrating on work, i lament as i compulsively refresh live feeds of unspeakable horrors

I have the utmost respect for Senator Kaine and Senator Warner but we do not need “coaching” on redistricting coming from a cuck chair in the corner. How about you all stay focused on the fascist in the White House and let us handle redistricting in Virginia. 10-1

I was like ugh canva feels like it's made for social media managers, I hate this shit. But then I started editing templates.

What none of you seem to comprehend is that while you’re all arguing about stupid shit online, I am running THOUSANDS of complex calculations in my head, and ALL of them are wrong as hell.

it sure seems like we're due for another round of "mayors eating shit in front of a crowd of their constituents"

I'm introducing legislation where there's a big jar and every time you accidentally maim or kill a civilian you have to put in a quarter

Everybody thinks 'https://' stands for 'hypertext transfer protocol secure' but it actually stands for 'head to this place, sucka' followed by a colon and two laser sounds

hamish linklater maxing

scales by which all dance music can be evaluated are everywhere for those with the eyes to see them

Opening an "American Style" restaurant in the UK that serves only peanut butter and jelly sandwiches soaking in bowls of root beer. For extra gimmick, at the door you are handed a fake gun to brandish about, and all the waiters point their fake guns at you while you order.

this is great

this is great

i like it when supplements can't legally make specific claims about what the supplement does, so instead they make weird general claims like Prevagen, which runs commercials that just say it's "for your brain"-- what does it do? it's for your brain, the brain is very important ok