ain't got time for this in 2026 y'all 🙄

ok the full clip is way better than the little one going around. her whole team try to get her to bail on the event and she's like no, I came to speak. incredible example.

couldn’t hack it at ups. well time to be a nazi

ME: I find the defining hallmark of dreams is the sense that I’ve made decisions without realizing, unaware of where I’ve been or where I’m going, but unable to stop. I wonder if the experience is similar to people who join fascist movements FASCIST SQUISHING ME WITH A TRUCK: They pay me $50 an hour

satire and fascism are just fundamentally incompatible. an ideology that fetishizes dominance and worldly power cannot effectively wield satire; it cannot even fathom satire. this is just fascist keyboard thuggery from someone who is best understood as one of Musk’s lower-paid vassals.

Complimenting the man in the urinal next to me thinking he has the same “Abolish ICE” penis tattoo as me, only to be told his says “Anarchy’s mayhem is wholly conjectural; the state’s mayhem is undeniable ”

years and years of avoiding plain language and the active voice do make the choice to use it more impactful, I suppose

Mussolini was captured by Anti-Fascists, shot and his body was brought back to be hung from his feet in the public square.

Minneapolis protester as he's being brutalized by feds: "You're gonna have to kill me! You're gonna have to kill me! I've done nothing wrong! My name is Matthew James! I'm a US citizen! You're gonna kill me! Is that what you want?" (You can hear his wife screaming)

my husband put on nirvana and my children instinctively invented moshing from first principles

I have more than enough hate in my heart for the Trump fascists persecuting this man and genocide excusing Democrats and liberals who brought us here. There is no fascism without the cooperation of liberals.

two stupid hogs bumping their stupid hog heads together. squealing with delight at making the rest of the world live in the mud with them

me: (sobbing and stammering like a dumb little boy who fell on the playground after going full gestapo mode on a fucking elementary school or something) dis... dis isn't peaceful pwotest!!! 😭

morons shouldn't have staff writing jobs

lmao they're like ready to cry

hmmm

it’s incredibly important to note that on the new footage that came out from the ICE agent himself, halfway through the video he switches his phone between his hands, opening up to grab his gun way before renee good even starts driving

Holy fuck they actually did it

A touching tribute to Mike F

ngl, was pretty confused for a while there because I thought all those joke tweets were about Lorena Bobbitt

Incredible stuff

Scott Adams (dying): please... when i'm gone... don't forget..... the less fortunate.... deserve nothing......

Very sad to say it seems Mike Fossey, aka Mike F. has died. Truly one of the funniest posters of all time and a talented artisan. Had been friends online for many years, but I got to hang out a couple times at shows in Boston and he was funny and sweet in real life too.

🙁

If Taibbi's defamation theory is correct, Goldman could have sued Taibbi because Goldman Sachs is not literally a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity.

[Trump]: You boy — what day is it? [Boy]: Why, it’s Christmas sir! [Trump]: Then I haven’t missed it! [Boy]: Missed what sir? [Trump]: The Lolita Express to Little Saint James!

lol yeah that’s fuckin airtight wrap it up everybody no one’s ever been stupid and evil at the same time

it's always 2 dumb bitches telling each other "exactlyyyy"

congrats to CBS

MEDIA HANDLER: ok. last bit of advice: try to keep your eyes as normal as possible ERIKA KIRK: got it. no problem

normalize taking an hour-long shit as soon as you clock in

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

MAMDANI: And I just think that there are barriers, barricades, to helping Americans that we can break down TRUMP: Uh huh MAMDANI: And breaking down barriers? Reminds me of a certain Broadway show *smiling widely* where they worked together to break a barricade? TRUMP: *sitting bolt upright* Phantom

remember "Mr. Autumn Guy" from The Onion? well, that's me downtown with a weed pen now. not so funny anymore, is it?

my main issue with so many people In The News is why so many of them just wanted to be Famous. the how never really comes into it. writing should be one of those things you do because you have a mental illness only

lmao?? hell yeah dude

It's amazing how nonchalant police are about beating the shit out of people on camera.

made a similar point on the opinions podcast this week in response to the idea that epstein is a dead end. not only are actual voters interested in this but it divides the gop and puts pressure on the president. it would be political malpractice to treat it as a sideshow

sources tell me that Trump can't remember why he got the MRI because he keeps dreaming of Bill Clinton's glistening firehose. sounds crazy but it's true. the president keeps saying things like "slurpin on that hawwwwwwg" during meetings with the Joint Chiefs. lots of wet mouth noises. concerning

honestly 2020-era Sohrab and John Milbank should be treated as postliberal dril tweets

Jeffrey Epstein advised Steve Bannon that the lawyers representing Brett Kavanaugh in his confirmation hearing should accuse Christine Blasey Ford of being on medications that cause false memories or memory loss.

I'm going to start calling it Mamdani Derangement Syndrome

great day for white guys who say "inshallah" (me)