Flat fuck all the way

Do you prefer the deeper mince pies or the flat fuck mince pies. I’m just having one of these and think I’m a flat fuck convert

if you were my neighbor I’d leave my bedroom curtains open

Morning lads.

One for @mindlesmandles.bsky.social ... * runs and hides*

Morning @followhuw.bsky.social how are you? 🤗

"sight for soar eyes" by VZEWL

Nice one. Wheezing. Feels a bit covidy. Working today. In a full house. Need to deliver negative (well, robbing excelling staff of their deserved scores due to moderation) year end appraisals, wahay! Might start on the baileys this afternoon.

If 2025 was a snack.

Changing my WhatsApp to this.

Goodnight now

Dead

This is my life now

Some brilliant Victorian Christmas cards.

RAC backwards 🤯

actually i prefer savory caroline

there’s too much

Hiya

@juxtaposedwithyou.bsky.social at asda every day

might become evil for 2026

Me: Pssst! Hey buddy! *I open my trench coat to show you the truth. There was no skin, only the rustle of a thousand lapels. I wasn't wearing the coat. I was the coat*

having trouble writing your wedding vows? why not take a note from my husband, who promised to love me "for the rest of one of our lives"

I’ll say to you, my blessed spouse, ‘Welcome to me with all kinds of joy and happiness, to live here with me and never to leave, to always stay with me in joy and bliss, which no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no tongue can tell, and no heart can imagine.’ Margery Kempe, born c. 1373

Toe witch

Spoiler: I did. I am.

As it goes we are not very busy with work this week because we have despatched early, but we've had a lot of changes and a lot of people leaving and I am INCREDIBLY distracted. I'm working from home tomorrow morning but I don't think that's going to help. 👀

Welcome to Bluesky. You’ll be dumped in a relationship you didn’t want shortly.

One thing about this cartoon is that it's (clearly) a male owl owlsplaining. In reality the female tawny owl twits and the male twoos. I can think we can let that pass seeing as we’re talking about a world in which owls can discuss the finer points of grammar. www.worldofmoose.com/collections/...

What I said to your mum last night

Edward Gorey

Just nearly started crying walking past Greggs because I really wanted a sausage roll. Imagine! just some flaccid grey meatstuff with way too much white pepper. Yes please.

Did everyone get called a people magnet or am I special?

Hard relate.

Puppy a basket?

Who pulled my big toe during the night? It hurts! 🥹

I had to read it again.

Shepherds warning?

Seasoned gardeners know that the pot of mint, looking so desiccated and brown, is just resting quietly, and planning its spring assault on innocent raised beds.

In this house... Ballpoint pen on paper 2024

Do people who drink eggnog know it’s reindeer semen?

In Germany, the band is called “No Inch Nails”

😂😂

wanna feel old? the guy Mariah Carey wanted for Christmas exploded in a boat accident 25 years ago

“try to avoid snacking after dinner” okay then I will starve to death in the night. good bye

I have assigned you all very specific voices and dialects

"May I ask you," inquired the elevator in its sweetest, most reasonable voice, "if you've considered all the possibilities that down might offer you?"

can't sleep, too worried about the regulatory burden on business