Just saw two blackbirds having it off, winter-ending enthusiasts

@traceyno.bsky.social HBT. tell all your familam I said hi

One year has passed already, somehow. Her annoying brother has enjoyed his elevated status as favourite cat in the house though

My parents have bought the same car as their neighbours, who they share a drive with. Same colour and everything. It’s the most embarrassing thing they’ve ever done

Could absolutely sink a Fosters Ice rn

Been really into testing acids lately. Hopefully it’s just a pHase.

Fuck me this half term is dragging. - Me, Day 1 of half term

Just saw one of my neighbours throw a bag of dog poo into another neighbour’s garden. What a rush.

Happy Valentine’s Day, from us to you. Tag your exes. Xoxox

From 'Dolls in Colour' by Faith Eaton, 1975

My spouse just said gummy bears, but put loads of emphasis on the bears, so now I need to move out

A can of Monster has appeared on the lawn

I've not noticed an improvement in anybody's posts since drafts were added. Maybe you haven't updated the app yet.

The house is full of ladybirds coming out of hibernation. They’re sat on the taps, on the mugs, on light switches: I have jumped three times already today during unexpected ladybird encounters

The first Mini Egg bar of the year has been purchased

Dear future self, In the midsummer (for there will be a summer again one day) even when it’s 40°c and you are longing for a breeze, do not romanticise winter. If you see Kate Winslet on telly and you think “ah The Holiday”, slap yourself. It is not like that. It is not cosy. It is horrible.

BREAKING: Viewers of “Melania” Documentary Receive Call Telling Them They Will Die in 7 Days

I nearly ran over an Otter just then. Really quite glad I didn’t run over that Otter.

Who loves it when your mayonnaise is nearly run out and you fill the bottle with a bit of water to clean it out and then drink the delicious mayonnaise water?

recorded a Windows 95 full disk defrag to soothe your timeline.

I’ve made brussel sprout spaghetti. This is either going to be triumph or disaster: there can be no intermediate ground

Adequate time has now passed for it to be possible for me to reveal the secret password for the Dennis the Menace fan club was Ding, to which fellow club members replied Dong. Follow me for further disclosures

Ik heb dé tafel gevonden voor @ponckster.bsky.social

Things that make me happy

Just going down the stables to get a boot load of horse shite for me flowerbeds if anyone wants anything (it’s really only horse shite they do fyi)

It's like a big bowl of diarrhea trying to sell you on the merits of raw chicken nuggets.

Well, here you go, it’s a photo of my cat Boop and two egg cups, or more accurately, from left to right, two egg cups and my cat Boop

We had a settee in Stephen’s shirt, growing up

Well done on your nominations Sinners: I can confirm the first 45 minutes were very solid

Do you ever do a repost and then you get notifications that people liked it and reposted it and it makes you a little bit proud that you had the good taste and foresight to report somebody else's post?

We should all strive to be satisfactory siblings

One time I took my phone into Timpsons for a repair, and the bloke there looked at my charging port and speakers and said “let me guess, you must be a builder or a carpenter with all that dust and crud there” and so I pretended I was a builder to save face

This, back in 2020, genuinely cured me from the magpie superstition, so am putting it here for safe keeping

I once read a police statement about theft of copper cables from a pile on. That’s just what they are now for me.

In hospital for an appointment today, and brought Adam Buxton’s book to read whilst I wait. A nurse saw it and said “is that you?! Wow, have you written a book?!” *admittedly this works best if you know what I look like. If you don’t, just Like and move on, k

The interview with Legend in the Radio Times is absolutely brilliant

The elderly, but with cars and empty car parks

HELP FLOOR SHARK HAS GOT ME

I’m enjoying the Beatles Anthology, but the AI smoothing on some of the grainier footage is horrendous. Just watched a performance of Please Please Me where the AI couldn’t decide if Macca’s fringe was covering his eyebrows or not, so they kept flashing on and off his face. Nightmarish

Written like he's cutting characters to save his credit on a Nokia 3210.

Gave my son a little job of hold the supermarket trolley token for 30 seconds, and he’s completely David Blained it. Even he’s stumped

Just saw a barmaid take two paracetamol in that dramatic way like they do in movies. I think these people forget they have fingers

Just got talking to one of the Hot Mums on my way to the postbox, clutching my medical-looking envelope with FIT Sample in large letters across it 😎

I thought this was my forever home but circumstances have sadly changed 💔 I need a quick sale. Please enquire www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/1...

I feel like I haven’t even been properly lied to about the purposes of this war

You know those wrinkles of skin on your knuckles. What’s it called where they split open, because it’s really quite annoying and happens whenever I use my fingers

It’s good they do the tasks on that Traitors, because it means you can get a beer and some crisps

Oh go on then, have a weekend. It’s on me: you ruddy deserve it

People keep claiming it's a "better window to the world" but actively posting and engaging on a platform where interactions and content are now effectively interchangable with 4Chan and whose own AI puts images of children in tiny bikinis on demand is a choice. There are far less harmful windows.