COCAINE VS THE CLOCK FACTORY

If he loses he can be fired in a trebuchet towards Holland

This could revive the Clacton milkshake industry

Would be cowardly of Farage to stand down now, he hasn’t even been to Clacton yet

Good afternoon, you fool you

They will be declaiming mournful fado in the alleys of Lisboa tonight

GOL

Tom Hanks WW2 megadoc seems weirdly cheap. I think he is being shot in a spare bedroom with an artfully angled reading light

Gonna have a struggle dinner

A lot of long faces at FIFA for spending so many years making a slight pretence of not being corrupt. So much wasted time!

youtube can always make me laugh

Mexican’t

SHOVE YOUR MYSTERIOUS CITIES OF GOLD UP YOUR ARSE

This mask always makes me laugh. i don't like to look at the other one..

They should just AI the football at a reasonable time

Can I be bothered to stay up to watch England mill about at high altitude?

The Highway Chode

Gotta get back in shape, buy a sega saturn, learn Breton, make a few changes

At least pubs have to open until 5am forever

5am closing after the Mexican secret service inevitably poison Pickford?

I do NOT want to unlock my AI co-worker

Me with my bluesky mutuals

Dr Congo goalie was amazing really

They will be singing maudlin chanson on the streets of Kinshasa tonight

Just screamed YES YOU CUNTS and the dog had a panic attack

BRING ON JOHN MAJOR

MULTIBALL

Well maybe in some way this disaster will lead to the professionalisation of the men’s game in England

Tolkien would hate this

Tuchel updating his CV there

Come on we sent our biggest headed boy forward

A ludicrous display

Time to bring on the BOSHFATHER

A masterclass in milling about

DOCTOR CONGO PRESCRIBES DOOM

I always think it’s weird when people take a strong stance on what language is used to describe someone dying. Like phrase that denotes someone‘s life force ceasing to inhabit their body isn’t always a euphemism for a mystery

Mes yeux? Bae

good morning have you had your lobster

Trade and Industry to Cockermouth.

These days they arrest you if you take a woman to a Rhenish wine house and give her a lobster

Step 1: Great talk Step 2: One word to get her to a Rhenish wine-house Step 3: Give her a Lobster The Sammy Peeps method works every time.

Will Burnham have the courage to appoint both Miliband brothers in a trenchcoat to head the Treasury? Me, for Hoseasons Magazine

disappointed but not surprised Burnham bottled it on the poetry tax

Penelope Keith, 10/10, no notes. RIP youtu.be/S-5Lp8v2t5A?...

YOU ARE NORTHERN WE GET IT NOW BUILD A BULLET TRAIN TO NORWICH

Let’s enjoy a fear

Ma’am this is a Wendy’s

BIG SAXON HEAD

It’s all a bit goodbye Norma Jean

It’s the battlestar galactica fuckin necklines