How the living room feels after we’ve taken the tree down.

That's next years Christmas cards sorted.

Fairly sure I've made far too much bubble and squeak.

Fairly sure that's a war crime.

I'm watching AI, the Spielberg film from 2001. It's from a time when we thought AI could be used to bring back those children we've lost and who's potential was never reached due to tragedy. Instead we've used it to depict their abuse for perverts. I think we probably should nuke the planet now.

I got the sound bar working but the bracket I bought to hold it on the bottom of the telly is cheap shite. First Venezuela and now my speaker falls off when it vibrates too much. The world is going to hell in a hand cart.

If I finally get this soundbar working properly and a nuclear war starts I'm going to be fuming.

Eating the last of the Christmas cake like I imagine a pelican might.

“This is the best thing since sliced bread!” - first person to use toilet paper

It's fucking neigeing like fuck here. (Colin, one term of GCSE French)

Reg would have laughed.

No cheating, repost with the most recent photo of your pet.

SNUUUUUR

Eating a hotdog in a dark cinema is a lot like sex. Yes it's nice but I'd like to see what I'm putting in my mouth and my trousers are going to need a wash.

I went to see Marty Supreme and it was ok, I felt the narrative was somewhat intentionally disjointed using various strands which did not completely resolve at the denouement and the onions on the hotdog were incredibly crispy, with the sausage having an oak smokiness seldom found in a cinema hotdog

Cinema hotdogs are so bad they're amazing.

I'm going to the pictures to see a film I don't want to see and that I can't even remember the name of. I've only agreed because it's one of those places with sofa beds and table service and I'm having a hotdog.

After all the rich and spiced food over Christmas, is there anything nicer than tea and toast? Obviously, yes. But it is nice.

Why can’t she use tinsel?

“Introduce yourself with what almost killed you” *my mind.jpeg*

Or maybe not.

I feel a "Ji! He's round the keeper" moment coming on. #sunmci

Yeah, well.

I'm watching the live action Little Mermaid and now I know what RTD watched before he wrote War Between The Land and The Sea.

A big pork dinner, that'll do the trick.

I don't trust anyone who doesn't fancy Bugs Bunny when he dresses as a woman.

This is more like it.

All the closet tories watching the Vienna concert. I see you, get a cartoon on, ya bastards.

I think this year I shall embrace evil.

The world turns. The seasons change. Our sun is but a single flame in the coruscating inferno of our galaxy as it spins on into eternity. And in this constant, ever changing, ever turning universe, it offers some stability, an anchor, to remember that James Martin is fat smug tory cunt.

My god, will this year never end.

I really mean it about not having sex with people who paint their walls scarlet. I've been caught out more than once.

The first 6 I remember is 1976. That's really old isn't it.

Craig David is so fucking busy.

I don't know where I was going with that story except you should always secure your exit, never have sex with someone who's painted their walls scarlet and always carry dextrose tablets.

I saw M People at the Hacienda in about in about 91 but I can't remember anything about it apart from waking up with some lass i Oldham then hitching back home. I spent 4 hours at Scotch corner on a fucking stinking comedown.

Anyway, thank you all for always being in my pocket and happy new year. Please remember, be nice to each other, kindness is cheap, always welcome, and if you look inside there's always loads to give away. X

Jessie J is very talented but she does look sticky to the touch.

And then I saw Ronnie Wood.

I know it isn't fashionable but I enjoyed The Hootenanny.

I've had wine on beer and, yeah.

Do you remember nye 2000 when the fireworks went on until 4 in the morning and we all thought the world was going to end. We were only about 26 years off.

Picture of the staff who operate my account.

I'd crawl 500 miles over broken glass to put little flags in 1970s/80s Blondies shite.

ABBA, now your talking. When I was young I wished for the fresh faced beauty of the blond. In my 30s a saw the merits of the sultry red head. Now, in my 50s, the one with the beard can tug me off while I watch the snooker.

I'd do all the Nolans but I'd be thinking about Isla St Clair.

Phil Collins music makes me want to wear beige chinos.

I don't trust anyone who doesn't like The Quo.