Had an amazing day today, but I feel bad that I'm not in a calorie deficit. Lol, brains are dumb.

Roses are red I love good roasts

It's my birthday so I've treated myself to something very special

How I feel after planning a day of playing Warcraft then watching the Prequels on the Projector whilst I'm in bed

Praying this middle aged frozen marg doesn't make me vom

Asking the driver if it would ruin my Uber rating if I belted out 'I wanna know where love is' as it plays on the radio

I often think about this image. Mainly I think about the 30 ish years Melanie Sykes had to wait to move on from ploughing her aeroplane into a US battleship to set out on the path to advertising Bodingtons.

Last weekend at 43. I'll be spending it by watching bands today and being unable to get out of bed because of my hangover tomorrow.

Sick of my shit (not leaving the bedroom so she can relax)

Why would a worm drive a car that looks like a giant apple? That's like me driving a car that looks like a bag of Monster Munch.

Setting up my new phone and why do so many apps want to notify me? Like, I don't give a shit about whatever you have to say, headphones. Permission denied.

It's Chomp of the Week ™️

Starting my long weekend with a little Time Crisis IN MY OWN HOME

Accepting all cookies on my work laptop and letting them fight it out in there.

My direct report asked 'who's put a penny in you today'. I need to start instilling more fear.

First photo on new phone

Which way Western man?

What my husband sees when I walk down the stairs on a morning

getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning

At the

This is my emotional support clip of Seth Rollins doing a flawless sky high curb stomp onto Randy Orton's RKO

I like a tacky tree ornament but this has too much going on

Wow the lead must have been a lot of cals

Stares in Hindu.

Okay, that's a good start. Now release the Kelly Rowland Excel Spreadsheets.

TWO moorhens? I'm in danger.

Wes Streeting is literally a bureaucrat. People who keep the janky NHS IT system afloat are not. On this basis I am bang up for cutting needless bureaucracy.

TV conspiracies: we’ve hacked their computers but they’ve perfectly cleaned up the evidence! Real conspiracies: To: conspirator From: famous person Attachment: evidence.png

why could Epstein not type a sentence to save his life

Morgan McSweeney plotting his and Keir's exit from Downing Street

I replaced my fun sized Skittles with pineapple chunks. Follow me for more health tips.

This isn't comfortable for either of us

My husband's ignoring all my texts about the potential of Joe Hendry being a Fae. Time to wow him with my theory board.

I'm new to Glen Powell but after looking him up, I think because he has such small facial features in acres of space, he kinda reminds me of a medieval sun

Just had this scam message, watch out for things like these

Sam Fender provides a useful role in providing dad music for the next generation of future dads

Almost got drawn into an online debate with another Wrestling fan

Blaming my merry gaggle of psychics for me not winning a Pulitzer

I can't be the only person who thinks Christmas jumper design is flawed as they're all way too thick

…and James Bond, who did not die!’

Logging a ticket with IT to try and get my entrance music played before I go into a Teams meeting.

I want to be thin but I also want all my meals to have mashed potatoes and gravy involved so it's a fine line to balance.

I still remember the TOS-DS9 crossover episode where they ask Worf why Klingons in the past have smooth foreheads. He shrugs and says “we don’t speak of that with outsiders,” and that’s that. Move on with the episode.

Eating a sundae with a long spoon is the height of decadence. The longer the spoon the more decadent it is. Ideally you shouldn't even be in the same room as the sundae

You can't placate bullies, you can only stand up to them

Just heard someone answer the question "three things that can fit through a letterbox" with "hands, letters" and "dog claws"?!

On that video of Trump getting booed does he actually say "I, 'state your name', do solemnly swear".

You bully me for my odd socks on Odd Socks Against Bullying Day?!