for those not caught up on the trial the officer mentioned here was asked if he was called a “son of a bitch” by afroman yesterday and said yes but not publicly. so aftoman went home and posted this clip, which he released two days ago

wait. wait. everyone hold on. i've solved it

good morning mr president heres your daily read out on the war in iran…no sir, i didnt catch kimmel last night…yes sir, very mean and nasty sir…no sir ive never heard of joyce carol oates either sir

i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests - nazgul bodycams - morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring - shelob will be the new point of contact

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

Just a reminder, “Epstein” is the name of the sex trafficker. The president is called “Epstein’s monster.”

NYT EDITORIAL DESK "did you do that Nuzzi profile?" "sure did, boss, real fuckin sexy, just like you liked" "you're correct, i did ask for that, now time to search for my name in the epstein emails"

I got bad news for Trump about every election going forward from now until the end of time

Bluesky discourse this am

#nokings oro valley Arizona crowd size at 830 am with people still arriving

Bombing my big stand-up special in front of a totally silent room of generals. "What else, what else. Bagram Air Force Base, we're going to do that again, okay? And we're going to do it the right way: through specific types of tattoos, and haircuts."

what a rude way to talk about my gimli/boromir fanfic

Disney to Sinclair and Nexstar

WATCH: Colbert’s first monologue since the cancelation. “For the next ten months the gloves are off. I can say what I really think about Donald Trump, starting right now.” youtu.be/VIZegLAvK8o?...

The fiscal conservatives in the GOP just added $4 trillion to the deficit to give the wealthiest people on earth a tax cut. The pro-family party just took healthcare away from 17 million Americans to give ICE a bigger budget than Brazil’s military. The single most inhumane bill ever passed.

In the spring of 2008, I feared America was on the verge of war with Iran — and, believing that it’s good style to get to know people before you bomb them, I made “Rick Steves’ Iran,” a one-hour special that could (and would) only debut on PBS. Sadly, this special has become pertinent again today.

I will be damned if I allow a bunch of Confederate-waving January 6th apologists give the American people a lecture on flag waving. There is ZERO reason to enter an argument about patriotism with people who still worship traitors to America 150+ years later. They. Are. Breaking. The. Law.

"My name is Greta Thunberg and I am from Sweden. If you see this video, we have been intercepted and kidnapped in international waters by the Israeli occupational forces, or forces that support Israel."

President Trump stumbles while attempting to board Air Force One

Big balls showing up at work tomorrow:

gentleman, gentleman, please, there's no need for this! you are both in the epstein files.

this is a day for those of us who have spent the last six months terminally online. this is for us and honestly, we deserve it.

A Chicago Pope implies the existence of an MLA Pope and APA Pope

Whether it's Hillary Clinton sharing risotto tips on a private server or Pete Hegseth using the nuclear codes as his password on Pornhub, both parties have ignored our nation's security.

Walz: If you say you love freedom but you don't believe freedom is for everybody, then the thing you love is not freedom, it is privilege.

JUST IN: Deputy Assistant to the President and "Counterterrorism Czar" Sebastian Gorka says anyone advocating for due process for Kilmar Abrego Garcia could be viewed as "aiding and abetting a terrorist" and be federally charged. (h/t Philip Germain)

I’m about to board my flight to El Salvador, where I hope to meet with senior government officials to discuss the return of Kilmar Abrego Garcia. I also hope to see Kilmar and check on his condition — and remind him that we won’t stop fighting until he’s home.

Trump says he'd like to deport US citizens to El Salvador: "I'd like to go a step further. I don't know what the laws are, we always have to obey the laws, but we also have homegrown criminals that push people into subways... I'd like to include them in the group of people to get out of the country"

tariff boy summer (derogatory)

I'm Mr Beast and I just rebuilt the HH Holmes murder hotel

The Lithuanian president showed up to honor dead American soldiers as their remains departed his country. The American president did not show up to receive their remains as they arrived in the US. He had a golf tournament to get to.

I don't care what side of the Israel-Palestine conflict your sympathies lie on, snatching up people with a valid student visa for the crime of writing an OpEd is naked fascism and if you don't oppose this you are a threat to this country's most basic values

(Reuters) - The best-known member of Elon Musk's U.S. DOGE Service team of technologists once provided support to a cybercrime gang that bragged about trafficking in stolen data and cyberstalking an FBI agent, according to digital records reviewed by Reuters. #BigBalls

“People should see the texts in order to reach their own conclusions.” @jeffreygoldberg.bsky.social and @shaneharris.bsky.social share the group chat in which officials planned strikes on Yemen. theatln.tc/AHkpb39A

WOW: @miamiherald.com reveals that a person imprisoned in El Salvador had LEGAL REFUGEE STATUS. He entered the USA legally in January and was detained because of his tattoos, EVEN THOUGH he had previously passed a full background check. Without warning, he was sent to El Salvador on March 15.

FINNERTY: Are you saying that they should not be on Medicaid? REP. GREG MURPHY: I don't personally think they're disabled.

Gentlemen you can't fight in here, this is the war groupchat!

Tucson, Arizona today. Original projected attendance was 3,000 people. 23,000 showed up.

I'm dying

ELON MUSK: (being shown the China War contingency plan while so jittery eyed from stimulants he can't make out the words) ahh. ha ha. not uh no not it's well. rather rubimentary. one of th uhh one uh you have to to rememb keep on mind is, they're very sneaky. i mean, pearl harper

This organization might be the right one for that general strike. 10M have to commit first, then they'll announce a date. It's basically how I schedule DH workshops. (Much humbler number for my workshops). generalstrikeus.com