I propose that in october we permanently shift all clocks back by only 30 minutes & then fucking leave them there forever after. And if you think that's somehow more absurd than the DST/SDT dance, please take a deep breath and remember that clock time is fake & was invented for trains. It'll be fine

I guess the thing about currently niche art forms like classical music/opera/ballet/etc. is that you can punch up or punch down at them, and a lot of people who think they're punching up are actually punching down

Saw this in Discord and it’s amazing

Autistic people enjoy parallel play? Well, first of all it's called Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

It's International Women's Day, and thus it makes sense that today is 4.17% shorter than your typical day but you still have to do as much work in it.

just saw robert frost referred to as bobby chills and I will never be the same

I love everyone responding to this with jokes and not acknowledging that this is a thing one of the programmers at Bluesky did

Sure, gas and food are expensive, we're doing a war nobody wants, and there are no jobs, but at least a lot of vulnerable people can't get necessary medical care!

I am believed to become death, destroyer of worlds

worst Heated Rivalry knockoff ever

one time my aunt stopped speaking to me for six months bc i dropped in the chat that chick-fil-a is closed on sundays so their employees can go get their abortions

That doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand and ignoring things!!! It means you identify 1) who needs to hear me 2) who is listening to me 3) what do the people listening need to hear? 4) how do I reach the people not listening? 5) what actual actions can I take? And posting is not #1!

Different school choirs have now given me both "Love Song" and "A Thousand Years," so I regret to inform you that—yes—the millennials who grew up absolutely terrorizing the choir room piano before theater practice are running the schools now. (I lied. I don't regret it. I'm having a blast.)

Well, obviously I need one, but we're all dodging the real question: what do you spike it with?

Have we got a podcast for you...

The San Antonio Zoo is not on here but today is Waffles the giraffe’s third birthday and I just felt like this was need to know information today, with everything else being so terrible

"I have a post-apocalyptic desert outfit to finish" let me stop you there: I will not love you if you are a worm

If you have a long enough dream about work, you should get paid for that and not have to go in. Like... come on, man, I was JUST THERE.

Announcing the Bring @culvers.com to California gubernatorial platform, which blessedly comes with a ready-made meme cache

overheard: “he was as egotistical as you could get, for a violist”

I regret to inform you all that these are real nostalgic-themed school spirit days now.

One farm insurance claims inspector (Midwestern folksy cred) and one car salesman who got kicked out of Cuba by Castro (weirdly, I think this would also play well in certain voter demographics)

Americans will use anything but the metric system

what is this from. I'm feeling it

90s kids, remember that time Jessica Simpson wore a weird belt and her "fatness" was on the cover of every grocery store magazine for multiple weeks?

*taps mic* Dearest Techbro. Working artist here. You know what would actually make my life easier, and "improve my workflow?" The money you just burned in the furnace of AI.

fuck, I’m sorry, I can’t compete with this

"Defund the humanities to ensure that no one learns my brilliant insights are not novel" seems to be a working theory explaining a lot of techbro animus.

sometimes my fam asks me why I'm not a teacher like I originally meant to instead of doing comics for no money prestige or benefits (long story short: bipolar 1) and it both pains and validates me to get to share articles like this. and listen. nobody should be ever put on blast by a cartoonist

There’s a movement to draft Barron Trump, but I think a campaign such as this would be more effective if it impacted someone Donald Trump knew personally.

if the fires of hell came for ya they might kindle in the diseased cavity where others hold a heart and start blistering up and out, say, around the collar

Breaking news: Gaston survived the fall at the end of Beauty and the Beast and now plays for the New York Mets

Bad mood canceled, student told me I look like Barbie 😇

Alright, so I'm still not naming names, but if I were a Pulitzer Prize winning composer writing vocal music for one of THE divas of all time setting a beloved and constantly mishandled poet, I simply would not write the music first and slap the words on later. You couldn't waterboard that out of me.

Famous and well-regarded composer I otherwise like a great deal has recently done something to piss me off Big Style and I fear that the next time I'm feeling petty I'm going to bring it on here

CLASSIQUE management tactic is not negotiating and then releasing a statement like "We're so sad about the lack of work that is the consequence of our own actions 🥺"

she wears a smart watch and a regular watch at the same time most days which i think about way too much

We used to be a real country

"What do you think of Congress" well I think it would be a good idea

no war no borders no cops no prisons no to all of this shit

I like to imagine that my beta blockers are tiny versions of Miss Piggy in my bloodstream going hiiiiiiiyah. Karate chopping betas left and right.

Cracking a cold one to momentarily escape samsara

Cannot stop reading this to the beat of "Come Together."

Regret to announce that we’ve reached Wrong Coat season. Every coat you wear from now til mid April will be The Wrong Coat for the weather

"Pro se TikTok psychic Idaho murders defamation case" is pretty Sentence™ in and of itself

Had some students get in an argument because one of them called the other one a minority, and I had to bite my tongue WAY too hard not to answer: "We're all minorities. We're in the glee club."