God dammit, Lord, I had my sins arranged exactly the way I wanted them. I have a system, Lord!!!!!

Any man who wants to start a podcast should have to sit in front of a tribunal of women and plead their case

good news everyone

My friends in Austria sent this and I can't stop watching...wait for the end. 🤗💜

every day is a magical girl transformation that ends with me as a slightly more tired and pissed off version of myself

i really hope maduro escapes just cause i wanna watch kash patel have to handle that. imagine the energy at those pressers. he's lookin like a bird that got inside through the chimney, pure terror, but he's going "and to mr maduro, if you're watching: hasta la fuego." eyes darting around for an exit

I made a playlist

This is so overwhelmingly Sentence™️ that it's almost veering into Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny territory (h/t @secondaryjess.bsky.social)

You should be embarrassed to be a member of congress and issuing anything other than impeachment resolutions. You're in the model UN. They should give you legos and a propeller hat

Real piano (and space for it, somehow)

BEAR LAWYER, coming this spring to TLC

[first date on beach in Oregon] So I heard you like long walks on the beach [weeks later on beach in California] Holy shit you weren’t kidding

This does beg the question: if a genie came tomorrow and offered to reincarnate you as anyone in any movie exactly (face, body, hair, styling choices, etc): who would you choose?

There are so many reasons I love Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again, but I think one of them is that in a perfect world, without other expectations or obligations, I would dress exactly like Lily James in this movie. The hair? The insane outfits? God grant me all of this and unemployment (not actually tho)

Talk to me, Goose... [inside] ...about the feelings of loss you're experiencing and what you're going through.

They're swearing me into office on my copy of Elaine Gould's "Behind Bars"

One of the main Christmas miracles this year is that, despite the surprisingly high number of times my parents mentioned charcuterie, I never once responded with "ah yes, shark coochie"

This year WILL be better. Because of my spite

And it's the Year of the Horse... horses are incredibly powerful today

Type of year I'm trying to have in 2026 vs. 2025:

Type of year I'm trying to have in 2026 vs. 2025:

if it kills me, like we say every year. but hey, last year didn't

2026 is the year in which I Fuck Around. The finding out is for someone else

I hope 2026 treats you better than 2025, even if 2025 was generally pretty good to you

There is an undeniable shared understanding in humanity. When people see "I hope this year it will happen" there is not a slightest doubt what "it" means.

The way we need to market this shit is to do what conservatives did for the past 30 years and write books like “The ten forbidden truths you’re not allowed to say on politically correct tv” and then it’s just cities are mostly fine and it’s good to get a flu shot

Happy New Year, BlueSky... ...and enjoy your evening. [via @YoYo_Ma X]

2026: the year it happens

Needless to say, for the hubris of making this prediction, I got to use this meme a LOT this year. This was absolutely not the Year of Patricia and I don't feel comfortable calling one in the foreseeable future

andy cohen's "am i excited about 2026? [pregnant pause] yeah. i... yeah. i mean, what's the alternative?" is the realest thing i've seen all night

here’s hoping 2026 is just one year

No one: The Eastern Europeans at the table: Life is mostly shit. Sometimes there are roses. But then you get more shit

When you get the reputation of being the guy with the encouraging words on New Year's Eve, it can start to come through as a little pressure -- what if the situation on the ground is worse than usual? what if people are more scared than they usually are, and with cause? what use are good vibes then?

you have done it before, squared the smooth circle, navigated the hard corner, slipped through and lived to see another day

I love that this website is ushering out the year with the traditional culture of our people (Alf hog)

Oh god. Guys they didn't finish 2026 in time. There's no new year. We're fucked

Listen. Listen. She said my sleeper agent activation phrase. Nothing else matters

in hindsight, this one was a little too birder-specific to make it into the New Yorker

Probably still enough time to do this resolution, right?

Dorothy Parker to Robert Benchley, December 31, 1929. Happy New Year!

PUBLIC DOMAIN DAY!!! We're getting a new Dickinson edition, although it's not one I've been able to track down in any libraries or scans yet. The work shall continue

Today is the last day that you can repost this image

Hey you know what this year fucking sucked.

because sometimes it's fun digging into our weird little cultural habits... I've been wondering why I kept running into dogs named Mochi in the Bay Area, so I asked about a dozen local pet owners why they chose that name! click thru for so many pet pix!! www.coyotemedia.org/why-we-cant-...

i'm stupid. put me in the ny times.

renaming mar-a-lago "black lives matter, trans rights are human rights, and no human is illegal" and then getting mad when kid rock declines to perform there