Nick Rolovich was right about unintended side effects of him getting a shot: Duke is going to the ACC championship game

SMU-Cal deserves overtime

Two planes makes sense, you really don't want to run the risk of leaving anybody on the tarmac

so cool that a football game between cal-berkeley and southern methodist university is about to determine the fate of the atlantic coast conference. great sport we’ve built

There's snow excuse for costing your team 15 yards

I think technically he's lain, but yes

(new yorker voice) reskëet

If I got crushed by a giant table I would also say OW

It's odd that Viagra never tried the slogan: "Don't let Father Time clock-block you"

And to think it started as a scale model

Looking at the box score it's pretty clear that the fault *is* in Michigan's stars

Those crescent rolls look like they've been sitting out for days. Don't know how you can have a successful meal with such a large age gap between foods

We have slipped the surly bonds of couch to touch the face of grass

🎶 Well the South Side of Chicago Is the battest part of town And if you're in the air You'd better just beware Of a pope who could beat you down 🎶

Idk how this can be comfortable for him

Nothing but respect for MY Doctor

More like Texascending

Obviously I was being arch when I said this

[observing someone’s obsessive passion project] wow i really like whatever’s wrong with that guy

Northwestern was one of the two schools that rejected me, I see they are still making bad decisions

Hmm somehow I have already finished all of the leftover pie that I took home last night. Wasn't planning to stop by my parents' house tomorrow but I may have to in order to get some more before it's all gone (assuming it's not already)

My mom has put up all of our stockings (L to R above the fireplace: hers, mine, my sister-in-law's, my brother's, and my dad's) and all of the dogs': Lucy (1996-2008), Winston (2009-2024), and Penny. Toby has one too, obviously, which is currently at my house but I'll bring it over on Christmas Eve.

I could see if it was Tennessee since Knoxville is much closer to the Oak Ridge laboratory from the Manhattan Project

everyone has strong feelings about the rivalry game involving their school, do you think any fans of mississippi's two SEC teams ever say, "omelette you finish, but the egg bowl is the greatest rivalry of all time"

This is the energy we're bringing to the long weekend

Just spent a half hour setting up my parents' new Xfinity router. Why, you might ask, didn't they have me do it when I was over there all afternoon yesterday? Who can say

As I was saying

Penny is much better at posing for photos than Toby

Crazy that it took this long for someone to think of putting tube-shaped pasta in a tube-sized box

Not going to say which of these I like better, just know that I hold them both in pie regard

And away we go

An awkward conversation with his Scarry conservative uncle

Post Malone implies the existence of Times Malone and Journal Malone

Idk they had to take almost 1000 pounds of it, seems like you could target higher value snails and make more money stealing less cargo

Toby's kitchen access has been revoked while my mom prepares the chicken and he is pretty upset about it

We have arrived at Thanksgiving

You can try to explain the dot-com bubble to kids today but it's hard to make them understand just how massively it had ballooned by the end of the '90s

In a way, aren’t we all traveling to turkey today?

What's going on here, though?

Whenever I eat in the living room Toby crawls between my feet and the coffee table in the hopes of catching any crumbs and I always tell him "come on, I'm not going to spill anything" but I was just eating a bagel and spilled a big blob of cream cheese on the floor so keep chasing your dreams, kids

(my future father-in-law insisting that I agree with all of his pie opinions if I want to marry into the family): Do you want to be in our little circle of crust or not?

What a traffic jam, it looks like there's Norway out

Has anybody checked to see if Brian Kelly has a godfather?

When Trump said "wait let me get my shoes" it was because he didn't want anyone to find out they were Timberlands painted black like George wore on Seinfeld to make himself taller

And like all good Kennedy-related stories, you'd better believe this one has an assassination conspiracy theory

everyone knows the number one quality of rigorous, responsible journalism is waiting months and months to reveal urgently newsworthy information until it can cause the most harm in your personal vendettas

You can try to explain the dot-com bubble to kids today but it's hard to make them understand just how massively it had ballooned by the end of the '90s