Here I am going around as though there aren't wonders in the world and then I step outside and there's this thing right in front of me

we became a 24 hour operation like sharks or 7-11

but for you, I will sail

there’s still a spot that’s sore, but I ignore it as I’ve been taught

a captain, but this is not my ship

Yes, I would like a taste of my own medicine. That is why I take it

thumb waggles that make you blush

remembering the feel of her shoulder

breathing a big sigh, taking it all in

walking because I can

somehow and somewhere

Why aren't people ever diagnosed with something good

hope, sheer unbridled pure hope

accidentally said good morning to a coworker and now everyone thinks it's ok to talk to me early in the morning and i think i’ve made a big mistake

At some point in your life your brain just decides it's done with new proper names and just starts sorting everyone into broad "Dan" and "Not Dan" categories

Darlings, a reminder for when everything feels bad: --Reach out. --Move toward joy. --Drink water. --Take your meds. --Allow yourself to feel your feelings. --A 3 minute dance party in the kitchen helps. --If you have a pet, hug them. (Unless it's, like, a fish.) --When in doubt, make art.

Sorry for being late, I was going through the unbearable lightness of being.

I’d date me.

Exorcist: I'm here to remove the demon that has possessed you Me: I didn't call you Demon: I did

there is no I in team but there is a squirrel in my bathtub

When can we eat them

yes , I have a favorite statue

bartender fist bump for the win

give yourself some grace, she said

A week ago, I was afraid to walk down stairs after a surgery. Today, I’m out and about. Big things can happen in one week.

this headline hums with ancient autumnal dread

New Jersey's the only state in the US where it's illegal to pump your own gas. It's always been a safety issue. Per capita, NJ residents lead the nation in flammable colognes and hairsprays.

idk why i noticed this but these crabs and celebrities look like they share a stylist: thread

here we go

wake up, it’s a new beginning

I'll be keeping you in my second thoughts.

As punishment for their sins, the people of London must once again endure the Jacksonville Jaguars

beauty and flow

Me: Why does my phone keep changing campus to Camus? Phone: There is no higher purpose in life. Me: You could at least stop misspelling words. Phone: *long drag on cigarette* There is no meaning. Duck yoor speeling. Me: Is that a beret? Phone: Oui.

Beneath the unclouded and mild azure sky, upon the fair face of the pleasant sea, wafted by the joyous breezes, that great mass of death floats on and on, till lost in infinite perspectives.

the trick is to let it happen, not make it happen.

some things may not be reclaimed, like memories of wonderment and misplaced comfort, but new things happen, like filthy amounts of rum and the promise of a new beginning.

I'm "had an analog bike" years old

There’s a downside to going to bed at 9pm and 3am is it.

blurred vision, both literal and not

the loss of love comes in many forms

I still believe in magic of human connection and simple act of kindness.

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Life will do everything to make you hard. But true courage is to stay open. When you keep your heart tender, when you don't allow life to harden you, only then you can evolve, grow, only then you can call yourself brave.

So beautiful you have to crush it a little

Miniature, geographically-accurate US recreation in South Dakota, however big it needs to be so I can put my foot in the Grand Canyon. A King Tut tomb for when I die (I always wanted to be mummified!). A swimming pool that's miniature Mediterranean so I can stage ancient sea battles. I have more.

How are we supposed to know anything about anything?

They got you fighting a #culture #war to #stop 🛑 you from fighting a #class war.

so this woman coming to help me down the stairs once told me she liked my biceps and now I’m torn between safe transport and flexing

I am now the second coolest guy with a titanium hip in this town