Think I may be the best at imposter syndrome, but not sure how I would know

save time getting home after an event by not going out in the first place

So much exploitative consumerism but still no Cadbury Cream pumpkins.

Overwhelmed with internal screams? But have you considered starting a course?

you're telling me these sausages are made out of vegans

If I ever write anything on a bullet casing I hope it’s a better joke than most of my others.

More like crapture amiright

@smartelections.bsky.social Wasn’t there supposed to be a discovery meeting (or something) yesterday pertaining to the Rockland County voting irregularities? I can’t find anything about it. Thanks.

Ordered some “barefoot” sandals so it seems I’ll just be decorating my regular feet with string.

RFK Jr. announces that science shows that Tylenol PM causes narcolepsy and Tylenol Rapid Release Gels cause premature ejaculation.

Imagine if that 3i/Atlas comet was coming tomorrow instead of in a couple months. Everyone would go shit bananas.

Not enjoying any of these news stories, bring back the evil clowns

I wish the rapture would happen but just to people who believe in the rapture

I don’t think the woman in our Ocala mom’s group liked my unique country baby boy name suggestions of Bronco, Clyde/Clydesdale, or even Brahma. I think she might have blocked me.

If anyone preparing for the rapture needs somewhere to donate their money, I hearby promise to take care of as many needy humans and animals in my area as possible if you leave it to me.

Got my mother-in-law a used reclining sun chair formerly from The Villages club house. It’s in really great shape if you don’t mind all the sperm.

Sure hope that rapture on Tuesday doesn’t affect my husband’s eye appointment. He really needs those new glasses.

have i told you all that i am proud of you today? because i am. you’re here, you are you and that’s the best thing i could have asked for. so thank you for being my favorite version of yourself. 💛

FREE THE OLD GODS FROM THEIR PRISONS we scream as we rip open all the cereal boxes at the Seven-Eleven and pour the cookies on to the floor.

Be the change “I” want to see in the world

Is the Wallflower’s song Three Marlenas about the evil twins on Days of Our Lives?

*inventing clam chowder* Hey guys, you know those slugs that live in the rocks on the beach? We should put those in some kind of hot milk soup

None of this would be happening if Harambe hadn't died

“Down with the establishment!” I say, while silently critiquing Gen Zs terrible production quality.

Free webinars like: here is so much great free information jk thats $700

SEAL: But did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can't be seen? OPTOMETRIST: that’s not supposed to happen

This is why elder millennials look so young.

Nothing makes me want to slam a kitchen drawer more than accidentally slamming a fork in the kitchen drawer.

When your husband makes you stay awake to watch a very late sport on tv but instantly falls asleep as soon as it comes on.

Why do we always have to dial area codes now, even in the same town? I just want to call my drugstore not another state.

Forgot to buy bacon hope you like peeled hotdogs.

Sept 11 - Jeffrey Epstein’s birthday 9/11/2001 - 1/20/1953 = 7910048 7+9+1+0+0+4+8 = 29 = 2+ 9 = 11 1+1 = 2 number 1s = twin 1s = Twin Towers

Hope the cat happily takes his pill tonight.

Joke’s on you, bills, you’re getting left in the car.

Is it pie season yet because I really need some pie

This is normal right

Mike Johnson reveals that President Trump was an FBI informant when he wrote that check to Stormy Daniels.

Bugs are having whole boss fights down there in the grass

Are individual cells conscious, and if so do they know they are part of the machine?

sports for bugs

So are there ghosts on other planets too or only Earth?

dr pepper is the scientist actually. you're thinking of dr pepper's monster

TRENT RENZOR: You can have it all, my empire of dirt ME: No thank you. That would be way too much dirt

Goodbye, spaghetti that fell down the side of the stove. We’ll meet again one day.

JARDIANCE On Broadway!

Over the past year, we’ve been collecting some rain lilys that pop up in our yard. Since they are bulb flowers they tend to reproduce. We probably have about 500 now. 😬

They are turning our local Wells Fargo into a funeral home and while I’m fine with it they’d better keep that gd atm.

Going grocery shopping at Walmart this morning and eagerly preparing my frazzled screams.

Sometimes I like to wear plaid flannel shirts to blend in with the locals. This must be how the skinwalkers feel.