logging on

shut up email

i’d eat pavement if you let me put diablo sauce on it first

i’m gonna start doing practice tests like goku in the gravity training on the way to namek. gonna have these jobs scared as hell when i do their technical acumen test.

aFter CAREFuL ReVieW, wE’ve deCIdED noT tO MoVE foRWaRd WiTh YoUr AppLIcation aT ThiS timE. its aLWAYS A hARD dEcISIoN tO sAy NO to great people we rECEiVeD A HiGH nUMBer OF APpLIcAnTS FOR tHis roLe ANd will Be mOviNG ForwARd WIth A smalL GrouP oF CaNdIdAteS We FeLT MOst cloSElY MET OUR ReQUiREMEnTs

logging on

new goosebumps book titled “don’t look inside dads airpod case”

i’ve actually had my fill of terrible information both personal and professional thank you. perhaps a lottery win or a bank error in my favor? no? fuck you too then 😒

you gotta stop being so hot. its already scorching around here and it has become a bit of a hazard. ugg out for a little while at least until autumn.

i'm tired of being cock teased by these old men almost being dead but aliving out of spite

we have claire’s at home

rfk jr wandering from village to village teaching all the people to work together and make toilet soup

you people were always too weak to handle taco bell. what good is nectar from the gods in the paltry mouths of mortals

thanks for being online and posting. well, thanks to some of you, a few of you could do it less.

i bet they fired me because i was ass-mogging the ceo. bro couldn’t wobble 🥀🥀

gonna go get some titanic hefty naturals and funnel you guys to my twitch if these jobs don’t start responding to me soon

shit on company time, it's the best way to honor my legacy

can’t believe the only boob on boob dot com is whoever let that domain lapse

“Our team is carefully reviewing applications, and if your experience aligns with what we’re looking for, we’ll be in touch to discuss next steps”

sorry my ass is too fat and my wobble to reverberative to know what a “Taxes” are

logging on

it’s finally time for the bagged lettuce i let rot in the fridge to take revenge

Vaxxed???

selling cyclospora free piss don’t low ball me i know what i got

don’t worry guys. this one is the line. all those other atrocities done by the government using money we paid them with taxes were simply very close to the line but mark my words in invisible ink, but this one! this one is the line and we will for sure do something about it now

unemployed hack: setting up an automation to send me a fake slack notification sound at random to keep me from despair in my enclosure

nevermind salary transparency, i need you to list if your broke ass company uses teams or not instead of slack

“lettuce that makes your ass explode” we get it you smoke

Love when a movie is like mmmmm containment failure buddy Whole system just shit the bed enjoy the monsters 🍿

“can you please describe the spirit that you saw haunting your home?” *everyone whispering and then nodding to each other in agreement* “Hot.”

“an unrecognized apple iphone just attempt to log in to your instagram near ohio” let em have it. they clearly need my account more than me. they already live in ohio

what if shut up how about log off couldn’t be go away

what if we were the pernits being jork-ed by the universe the whole time

woke up in a panic that i was going to be late to a team meeting i no longer have to go to so that’s something i guess

it’s with heavy tits and ass that i must inform you all that i am awake

rip sam neil ~ thanks for making me laugh until i ached from ripping on the merlin tv mini series you were in that you played completely straight and seriously

logging on

pointing on the chart where i am in my daily allotment of dumb fuq juice

can’t believe lindsey sacrificed himself to save mitch from the clutches of that dark wizard

yes job that is looking for employee, i personally suck off an ai agent from the claude to the gemini i always let them finish on the copilot

i like how people experiencing ovulation have a general air of ripping you in half for sport about them

alright hear me out

new shower curtain who dis

You know who else was pinned at the top in front of his followers?

if i send you this it means i’m doing totally good and fine and definitely not being operated like a ventriloquist dummy via my wife’s hand

i am once again pregaming laughing at someone’s demise before the main event

we’ll be talking about their eventual deaths just like this and that’s what really upsets them

guys, guys! my friend is back

“don’t speak ill of the dead” what’re they gonna do, hear me??

if this death results in the ultimate rule of threes i just might show hole on main