I was helping my son with his english homework and I told him that a smidgen was a small pigeon so now I have another meeting with his teacher.

In related news, the London Road Brighton branch of Oxfam gets ridiculous amounts of vinyl each week, anything of value is wildly under priced because the volunteers don't always know whtt they're doing. (it's me. I'm volunteers)

In contrast to my previous post, the phrase "significantly bedonked" has increased my net happiness. (do also read her previous post looking for recommendations)

STOP POSTING COOL THNGS WITHOUT ALT TEXT YOU ARE MAKING ME SAD.

Wouldn't normally repost without alt text but couldn't resist. Two pictures. First is a dog wearing a neck cone, the sort they have to wear after a visit to the vet. The dog's body language makes them look very sad. The next is the same dog in a little cone shaped teepee. They look very happy.

Enjoyed? Support me and my own therapy here ko-fi.com/eleanormorton

Football Chant Therapy For Men (With @misterabk.bsky.social @bigdirtyfry.bsky.social @seanburkeshow.bsky.social @samlakecomedy.bsky.social @wsebag.bsky.social @bjalborough.bsky.social @cbthorburn.bsky.social and Chris Weir) www.youtube.com/shorts/V20uv...

I’ve spent today painting an icon of a mouse while listening to the rain drumming down on the studio roof. Tomorrow it’s whiskers and a plant between its paws.

Jesus fucking Christ

MY BIG CLEAR OUT! (part 2) Here are 3 shelves of my books in A-Z order by author. You can have any 2 for £10 (free P+P). Please share (and buy). UK only.

If anyone lost a bag of books from LRB Bookshop on the Metropolitan Line between Baker St- Watford, I handed it to a cleaner when the train terminated at Watford tube station. And if you have far more followers than me, please share this status. LRB bookshop is not cheap!

Someone needs to write a new Christmas play. Last year it felt like there were 40 productions of A Christmas Carol in my postcode alone

A couple weeks ago I got a train to Durham and an elderly white lady sat next to me. She took out a big word search book and I told her my daughter loved word searches. It kicked off morsels of small talk along the journey

Brighton & Hove Green Party statement on Reform UK Brighton and Hove's antisemitic Facebook post:

ANNOUNCEMENT! The Big Green Books Advent Calendar! Choose from 4, 6 or 12 books. Your chance to unwrap a new surprise book every few days in the run up to Christmas. The books will be chosen based on what you enjoy reading. More info HERE www.biggreenbookshop.com/simon-likes-... PLEASE SHARE

"The Festive Big Green Book Swap" is back again! You'll get sent a mystery book, based on the kind of stuff you enjoy reading. You'll also get a bar of chocolate & pukka tea. And you can read along with a new book buddy too if you like! JOIN HERE! www.biggreenbookshop.com/index.php

They’re just making these up now.

The lads this morning, fresh as a daisy and ready for more

Day of the Dead mini pizzas

Some cracking replies here

In case you haven't seen this yet...

I have accidentally done fuck all today. Whoops-a-daisy.

Gym people: it's not "meal prep", it's a packed lunch. You haven't reinvented the wheel.

Better late than never #CrispSandwichDay @vole.wtf

not being able to eat something called a zamboni just feels wrong

Magnificent typo that all stand ups will appreciate

The National Trust has offered me the chance to "win a scone experience". Intrigued by what this might entail. I have to assume it's more than just eating some scones and at least the chance to become a scone for a day, get covered in jam & cream & experience the full range of emotions of a scone.

This #buyastrangerabook offer refuses to be taken. Yesterday @jenillustrates.bsky.social sent me £20 so someone could get their Xmas pressie buying started early. So, if you're planning on getting someone a book for xmas (of course you are), let us know what it is, and Jen will buy it! UK only

We always try to get Nine Lessons shows beyond London - it is never profitable but we hope it makes it accessible for others - This year is CARDIFF - but no one seems to want to come - so we will pull it next week if we see that it is going to lose us too much money www.glee.co.uk/performer/ni...

It's the Fesshole/Vagina Museum crossover event you've all been waiting for. Tons of you tagged us into this across all of our socials, asking for a fact-check. The consensus of the reply guys is that it Didn't Happen. However, this is in fact very possible. Here's why...

What im clumsily saying is when you're from a minority group you know. You develop an intuition for how others see you that runs the gamut from "trying too hard" to "hostile" You know from life experience that most people are not racist but that many who are dont even think they are. Buy my memoir.

i used to live in harrow west, which was 60% non-white, which - if reform are right - feels like it should result in a 40% vote share for an anti-immigration party but weirdly the bnp didn’t do that well

Heartwarming.

Story time!

Dutch libraries have invented an AI chatbot that can recommend books to you You know what else can recommend books to you ~a fucking librarian~

Today is the 40th anniversary of the day that Marty McFly got in Doc Brown’s DeLorean in Hill Valley, meanwhile Up the Coast in Astoria Oregon The Goonies were going on their adventure. Saturday 26th October 1985 is a hell of a day, movie fans

I'm hemming some trousers. They look TERRIBLE.

I'm thrilled to be able to share this. Here's Harland Primary School, the first recipients of books courtesy of "Big Green Books 500 Club" I sent them £500 of books, thanks to the dosh we're raising each week. Club details HERE. www.biggreenbookshop.com/big-green-bo...

We also need this in Welsh.

Got some stickers printed for my drills and drivers translated from the Spanish version of "righty tighty, lefty loosey" - "la derecha oprime y la izquierda libera" I got more than I needed so have listed them in my shop: www.spellingmistakescostlives.com/product-page...

Celebrating this most holy of days #CrispSandwichDay

Merry Crispmas! White bread with Walkers salt & vinegar for me. Tea non-optional #crispsandwichday

lol.

Don’t be complacent - get out and vote - we’re being told it’s in the bag so people aren’t voting😢

Good news! Be Funny Or Die - How Comedy Works And Why It Matters - will live again. E-book out soon. We should be able to turn that around pretty fast, fingers crossed. Then a new revised edition, in paperback, with additional material. Which is exciting… WATCH THIS SPACE.

Caroline Lucas was doing a grand job, but maybe it was a classic case of the woman in the room being inaudible.

I did this as a teenager / 20-something, thinking I was some scorching rebel. I’ve recently been watching how much small talk comforts people during a period of bereavement. It’s grooming. Social. Basic primate behaviour. It’s not the words, it’s the intent. It’s partly why we have language at all.

"How do you expect to win back men...?" We don't want those men. They are the hot dogs on the floor of humanity and we still have all these nice prepped hamburger patties if someone would just let them cook.

Please stop mashing up peas and sweetcorn and calling it 'sausage'. Vegans don't deserve this treatment