I’ve been bombarded with ads lately for Shark hair stylers and it’s irritating. why are there so many SKUs if it’s supposed to “replace all my hair tools”, I can’t tell anything apart. Why are some of them $200 and some $450 for the same features. are there any adults at this company

vindicated on my longheld belief that the dems could've won way more often even without giving lefties like me anything if they just poured money into the basic on the ground fundamentals instead of consultants and ads, but they don't, didn't, and won't

Four-year-old just told his toddler sister “it’s time for the hunt” and they both left the room. Not my business

Whoa-oa Black Philip, bam ba lam Whoa oa Black Philip, bam ba lam

*grinding at the club* you're so gorgeous 🥵 how about we head back to my place? you can sleep nude in my bed so I can strengthen my vow of chastity through temptation

bro they are nixtamalizing your ass in Maize Chat

cowboy reflects on the World Cup thus far:

someday the members of rockapella will hear “do it rockapella!” for the last time

what if there was software that worked and didn’t suck and wasn’t evil

my husband makes 900k/year as a senior staff engineer on the ChildKiller team at Google and I make 14k/year doing private yoga lessons. We live in the Presidio and these are our evil goldendoodles, Teddy, Bailey and Nala

Always 👏 dip your 👏 hot dog 👏 in the 👏 stagnant 👏 puddle 👏

hot dog topped with Giardia 😋

Hope you like a bloodstream heavy with neurotoxins, biatch blaow

I’m sooooo bored let’s all go wash under our armpits for 30-45 seconds, dry them with the hair dryer, and then apply an aluminum-based antiperspirant haha

He likes to wander around at night now and they keep him in their room so he’s safe but they didn’t want to hear his little paws tapping on the floors. So he gets socks now

#makeaterriblecomicday #makeaterriblecomicday2026

❤️

it's crazy how popular that French Canadian papier-mâché Primus ass band is

everyone on here knows each other irl except for you

the older i get, the more i look and feel like the whistling “Normal Guy” from that comic strip with the one dude all pissed off at everything

“Mexican food is mid” “AC is bad/impossible to install in Europe” okay cool please kill yourselves thank you

the light will eclipse all shadows to reveal beauty in everything سيحجب الضوءُ كلَّ الظلالِ ليُظهِرَ الجمالَ في كلِّ شيء.

Kicked a BMW suv just now in the crosswalk. really good contact between car and the ball of my foot, got to put my hips into it

It’s bodegas selling injectable gray market peptides now lol

I’m gonna go see my folks and my mom is warning me 2 weeks in advance not to rile up their dogs because Jake (elderly) has a heart condition lol

trembling, head in my hands, about to finish my shift at the viral video factory and staring glumly at a sheet of paper on which I’ve written only “BIG GRAPE?”

decalcifying my pineapple gland

SoftBank’s investor presentation is one of the greatest things ever made. I’ve been thinking about it all day. These are the real slides shown in a speech where Masayoshi Son said he wouldn’t retire for at least another decade. The goose stuff is truly demented. Bravo group.softbank/media/Projec...

come get all your 19 year old flight of the conchords references here, folks

trying to lose a little weight by only eating gaunt animals

summer question how many popsicles per day does everyone eat. I’m at 3-5/day

I clicked on a sleep meditation audio and the narrator had a NZ accent. Immediate hard no for me

(Guy who doesn’t understand the joke format) “We used to have Jobs, Hope, and Cash. Lord, please don’t let us lose Doug, that fat fuck piece of shit that everyone hates!”

🎵 Look around your world Oprah Winfrey is it everything you hoped it’d be 🎵

can someone ask these elected officials if they understand what elections are

(bald guy looking in the mirror on psylocybin) oh god I’m tripping bald

You guys ever accidentally find a guy with like 5 posts total, hundreds of replies, and at first you assume it‘s someone doing a pretty good bit but if it’s a bit they’ve been at it for 2 years

more like grand theft *larceny* 6. with how they're trying to rob the consumer! what with how much it costs

they need to keep showing everyone their whole ass. just roll around in that loser stink like your boy trump. the future is now old men

My dad just texted me this with no context. we’ve never had a conversation about kitten mittons before

this morning I said good morning to an elderly man chilling on the sidewalk in a lawn chair and he said “make sure you walk by me again on your way back” lol

Don’t be fooled by the locks that she’s got!!!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 www.buzzfeed.com/christineoli...

Sickos YES

I got locked out, asked my landlord if he happened to be home and he said no but that he would take care of it and he arranged for someone to come let me in 20m later? On Wasian Wednesday? today my life is good

“one must imagine Sisyphus happy” i Actually don’t have to do anything Sorry. but if I’m imagining her? (That’s right she’s a woman) she works as a makeup artist and roller blades in Venice Beach a lot she doesn’t have anything to do with rocks sorry

Danged with faint praise

yo! quick question mark, why are you on the "potential future stories" list in my research obsidian, filed under "look into this guy" also can you just quickly read this old tweet of yours out loud?