I will NEVER let you out of the computer

👶🏼 🧃 😋 !!!!!! ☹️ 🚫 🗯️, 👶🏼

me and the other “turning 40 this year” girls discussing mammograms in the groupchat

idk where the 4th line is but Blow The Whistle is on there. probably Too Many Puppies and idk more Doja

there should be adult bassinets that rock independently on a preset timer. and it plays the soothing royalty free music you see in those YouTube videos that’s like ”daily life in a Mongolian yurt.” And it can order McDonald’s to your house. and it’s remotely tracked by palantir

my sense of humor has absolutely no relation to my inane thought loops. it actually stems from being extremely pretty

this recording just made me tear up a little. happy bday Liza you’re goated and all but not for this one thing youtu.be/qw-CdMSJNPM?...

new concept for one of those motivational workplace posters

(mournfully) go robert mueller and the rule of law

ever since I learned how to cut my own hair (shag) I’m amazed at how much the style lets you get away with chopping off before it’s even noticeable. I messed up my hair color today and lopped off FOUR INCHES and I don’t think anyone will even notice unless they follow my hair closely like a fan

My alabaster milk child Teuton keeps asking for ranch dressing at the caviar factory, it is most epic. The fishmongers despise him.

I didn't mind that Ferris bueller skipped school because i enjoyed the character

doing butterfly while lane splitting is animal behavior. do whatever stroke you want just tell me we’re switching to circle swim first. I stg some guys do this just for a chance to ”accidentally” hit a woman

UH YEAH HO THIS THE FINALE MY PEP TALK TURN INTO A PEP RALLY

I think my close personal friend Alysa Liu should do a routine to Blow The Whistle. It might be too powerful it might take another 20 years to be understood but we can get there

Every day I choke down an amount of salt pills and mixed electrolytes that would give other people tachycardia or kidney disease and today I FORGOT and I didn’t pass out but my calf cramped so bad that strangers ran over to ask if I was ok. humiliating

I was looking for another text and found this one instead

As positive as the Shamrock Shake’s impact has been, there have been some missteps

everyone swam as kids in my hometown so I never thought of it as the purview of jocks…but thinking back, the ones who were best at it were the happy-go-lucky ding dong jocks. after yesterday’s pool punishment im beginning to realize they were on to something

I LIVED BITCH

found this pic of a pastel drawing I made one afternoon in 2020, I don’t know if I have the physical one anywhere. It’s unfinished and has cringy teen angst levels of drama, but I actually sort of fw the vision if I do say so myself. Guys I don’t think I was feeling very good at the time

doing something important (to me!!) tomorrow that requires luck skill and willpower. i‘m scared i‘ll jinx myself if I say more but I hope I get to come back and brag about it!!!! happy early Monday everyone

I love Norm Finkelstein lol

I know Joe & The Juice is both chopped and spiritually Dubai but yesterday I had an overpriced mixture of strawberries, kefir, banana, date puree, and beet powder and DAMN. I guess I‘m picking up those ingredients to make one at home every day until I’m sick of it

Instead of thinking “Israel does not represent the worldwide Jewish population” (correct), they have to twist it into “Israel is European Jews so we can hate on them guilt-free” (incorrect, baby brained, just straight up evil)

why would someone ever write and share their writing on a platform with established networks/virality. why doesn’t everyone have a Wordpress blog thats not linked from anywhere. better yet why wouldn’t you just write everything in a paper journal and paste the pages on buildings in your city

when you can’t sleep you’re not supposed to think “I can’t sleep!” nor are you supposed to trick yourself with some “sleep comes easily to me!” lies. all you can do is “set the environmental and mental conditions that are conducive to sleep.” Ok im setting the conditions for my foot up your ass

Im watching a PBS Frontline about the US in Iraq and there’s footage of a bunch of GIs crushing some random civilian’s car with a tank, supposedly bc he was “looting.” guys I’m beginning to suspect we didnt do good things for humanity over there

I sorta think YouTube might be worse for media literacy than TikTok bc the higher production value/longform content can trick you into thinking you learned something real or did something productive. I’m 200% guilty of this!! but I think YT unfairly gets a pass when people talk about this stuff

Im watching The House That Jack Built (2018). the Matt Dillon I remember from the 90s-2000s wasn’t rly memorable to me, but now I understand it was cus my tastes don’t acknowledge most men until they hit 45. Awooga

ive eaten at least 20 popsicles in the past week and hundreds the past year. here is my ranking from worst to best: pedialyte popsicles (foul but often necessary) 365 fruit bars Popsicle brand, classic fruit Popsicle red/white/blue (nostalgia) 365 fruit popups (slushy, concentrated, perfect)

No actually it is very normal to kill one person for each year you've lived on earth, PLUS one to grow on. Grab your gun and get back in there bitch!

oh….my tumy rumbing….

like 10 years ago I redid this free IKEA dresser for funsies and absolutely loved the result, I’m very sentimentally attached to it still! Anyway to redo my new space I’m ordering this custom loft bed kit, queen size, extra tall, unfinished wood, stairs/shelving. I can’t wait to build/beautify it!!!

has anyone seen my denim jacket with the Tasmanian devil embroidered on the back. Or my chambray shirt with bugs bunny embroidered on the front pocket. Or (crucially) my jeans with tweety bird embroidered on the butt pockets

Newtonian Figsics

I can’t believe I used to think being a constantly-pained bundle of neuroses was unique, interesting, or occasionally somehow even noble lol. it actually just means I’m very annoying and constantly waylaid by fake-sounding psychosomatic ailments

I had personal experience with one of these dipshits last year (different guy than the one in this article). No one is covering them as doggedly and thoroughly as 404 Media. I highly recommend reaching out to their team if you’re unlucky enough to have info

i‘m downsizing and have an electric piano w stand/bench that I’m trying to unload by end of March. if we’re mutuals you can have it free if you can get it from my place (near columbus circle nyc). if we aren’t mutuals you can have it cheap www.amazon.com/Yamaha-Weigh...

“You should already know about her”

For all my hardcore Jakeheads out there, he’s getting up there in age but still very spunky and playful. I love his new mandatory fashion choices, very chic

keep posting like this and you will not see heaven

it’s been long enough that I feel comfortable saying this company was Dropbox and we did not sign a deal with them. I don’t think it was strictly my fault but it maybe wasnt NOT my fault either

Goofy is probably really good in bed. a tender and generous lover with great body awareness doing all kinds of crazy shit with his legs to really get in there. And he’s packing but like not weird about it

imagine a hot guy sending you ape/monkey vids but it’s all the super obvious ones that have circulated for years. “check this out” and it’s just Kanzi the bonobo sitting at the touch screen. A blurb on Koko’s nipple fixation. That one gorilla spinning in a kiddie pool to “Maniac.” Devastating

i cured my “ADHD” by PAYING ATTENTION and CALMING DOWN

They should try out an R Budd Dwyer simulation

Spending $250k to use a simulation of Zoom

if my child enjoyed gaming I would monitor their internet use if they self-identified as ”a nerd” I would send them to one of those wilderness camps where they kidnap you

I’ve been an extreme hater on here as of late so let me add one to the pile: ive been assigned something on the topic of ”how we can learn from gaming about making work more engaging”. How have people been dining out and circlejerking on this concept since 2008