Eggs Shrewdly Consolidated Into Single Basket

permabanned from the karaoke bar for doing Koyanisqaatsi 3 nights in a row

If I had a bf I would put my freezing cold feet on him right now. that’s in the top 5 use cases for having one of those

waiting for a slice in dark full moon 15 degree weather and they start playing Red Red Wine by UB40 and I’m like haha classic, my mom used to play this CD all the time. Holy shit i am almost certainly older than she was when she bought the CD. Wait my parents are getting older are we all mortal??

👶🏼 🧃 😋 !!!!!! ☹️ 🚫 🗯️, 👶🏼

charlie brown once had hoes or should i say, they once had him

honestly one of the most insane things i’ve ever seen. i cannot believe this. i feel insane seeing this and it being real. everything is unreal

lol

Love how Chomsky’s email is redacted in those files, as though he doesn’t famously reply to anyone messaging him at a publicly available address

(DMing girl) Life is so randommm it's like.. Whyyyyyy Lol. (logging into Albert Einstein role playing account) (DMing same girl) Life makes perfect since

ParksAndRecreaSEAN: just getting the feeling that a lot of y’all are not living mas :/ lovelyyrita2: thanks for the reminder 🤣 Kenny4YourThoughts: 😆 bloodgert: you’d not be talking like this if you remembered me. i have to fidn you in every life because you’ve still not learnt bone’s lesson

ELON MUSK: your island is so freaking like, based. it's seriously like effing amazeballs. i'm going to basically be making like all of mars totally just like the same as how epic this is STEPHEN HAWKING: jeff rey why, did you in vite, this lame, ass nerd

earlier today i overheard a lady at the deli order “a slice of plain white toast with nothing on it.” Onlying New York!! !

Elon Musk publicly slandering that cave diver as a "pedo guy" after he begged Jeffrey Epstein for island party invites is just incredible

Elon muisk your canceled

my Girlfriend and I spotted you across the bar. We took your leftover drink so we could enter your DNA into CODIS

the snow rly makes it clear that there is piss all over the sidewalk at all times

We’re simply asking the boot to respect us and see us as human beings

sorry to put my foot down like this but if you try to tell me what “upscrolled” is i will kill us both

inventing a knish that doesn’t get cold

i like writing a guy a check each month, so he can crash an suv that i bought him, into my car with my family in it whenever he wants, and if i don’t say thank you daddy trump, he’ll just murder the next person he sees until the whistles trigger his ptsd, or he runs out of ammo

*Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five’s “The Message” where Melle Mel says "Broken glass, everywhere" voice* Baby shoes never worn

I wish we could hunt robots for their meat. Specifically I would love to inflict pain on a terrified chatbot

I know I’m hormonal cus today someone mentioned avalanches and I teared up imagining a hypothetical St. Bernard rescue dog with the little cask around his neck

just learned this is supposedly two different guys. come on now

raiders of the lost unc

I’m gonna take an everyday product like razors or mattresses. and disrupt the industry by turning it into an aspirational lifestyle good

I’ve gotten really into this dog who looks like he was assembled from spare parts or drawn by a child. His name is Ravioli

Greg’s Papaya

I’m doing this also

Until the some cunts up over Santa Mona Couple of Arc!!!

I love how Minnesotans are showing how so much activism is not chasing glory, but doing the job that needs to be done

does anyone know if we have some of those that work forces are the same that burn crosses tomorrow

every ICE and CBP employee's life can be made a living hell by perfectly legal means

logging off for awhile again it was nice to talk to all you beautiful angels for a few weeks. I’m sure I will do another notes app dump when I return

Clippy, a spokesperson for Microsoft,

Greg’s Papaya

Why did Cassandra not simply place a polymarket bet on the fall of Troy

If you are a resident of California, the state now has a portal where you can demand deletion of your personal data from 500+ registered data brokers with a single request form, for free. consumer.drop.privacy.ca.gov

Anything that happened, happened

Remember how MySpace had a dropdown for you to select body size and one of them was “More to love!”

feel the raining your skin!

Zohran no!

(“Shoop” voice) 🎶 hey-yeah, I want some soup baby

saw a TikTok today of gulf war (‘91) footage spliced w video game footage, set to a slowed reverb version of the Macarena (‘95), but clearly going for “90s vibes!” The comments were filled with “I know this is propaganda but I wish I’d been been born early enough to serve” ????? 200k likes

when joe biden said “come on man” i felt that!

"Place frozen pizza directly on middle rack" place your mouth directly on my middle balls! I'm using a pan!

HEY BEEN TRYING TO MEET YOU MMMMMMMM……

(The Books voice) The Lemon Of Pig

I learned this in 3rd grade, directly from the Spanish teacher, announced to everyone. MANY of us had not heard the words “butt” and “hole” combined before and we lost our tiny minds