KING … But now, my cousin Hamlet, and my son⁠—

Canceling Jimmy Kimmel show is not about Charlie Kirk, just like going after universities was not about antisemitism and occupying DC was not about fighting crime.

When you lose your job for calling out a racist’s racism, that’s called Klancel culture.

Just so I'm clear: TV host says we should kill every homeless person? No big deal TV host says the right must "go to war" with the left? Pfft. TV host says the government is cracking down on critics? Well, the government cracks down on him for the criticism. Free speech, everyone.

When your neighbor on the left is being dragged away by masked men and your neighbor on the right can't get an X-ray for their child, be sure to quickly explain that "both parties are the same" and whatnot.

Give the photographer the Pulitzer Prize

Seeing a massive divide online between Angelenos of all political stripes who understand that the protests in LA yesterday were mostly peaceful and any violence was ICE-initiated and East Coast establishment liberals lecturing “the left” on how riots just amplify right wing talking points.

Terry Moran reported what he saw as the truth. In my opinion, this isn’t an “opinion” as much as a reporter who has observed an individual and reported on what he has observed. This is the kind of information. American needs to know.

🚨…WE ARE BEING TOLD THE FRONT LINE OF THE INSURRECTION HAS MOVED TO THE HOME DEPOT PAINT AISLE. MARINES SUBDUED ONE DIY HOMEOWNER WHO WAS BROWSING CEILING PRIMERS AND TWO SUSPECTED CRAFTERS CARRYING A SUSPICIOUSLY LARGE NUMBER OF BEHR PAINT SWATCHES…SUPPORT DRONES REMAIN STUCK IN THE GARDEN SECTION…

Bluesky right now:

Whatever happens tomorrow, whatever horror the future brings, whatever disaster justifiably curses us all forever, at least we had a pretty funny day today

I can tell some of you people have never watched the WWF/WWE. Elon is doing a classic “heel turn.” This builds tensions and keeps ratings high. By Electomania 2028, liberals will try to tag Elon in, but he’ll refuse. Then, when Trump is about to be pinned, he’ll bit Dems with a steel chair.

I'm just looking forward to the day when RFK Jr's ego finally collides with Donald Trump. Because you know it's coming.

Thank you for the stern scolding but it’s actually possible to both enjoy two malignant rich fucks viciously falling out and understand it doesn’t fix every problem immediately.

So do you think anyone’s sliding the interview where Elon’s brother confessing to their being illegal immigrants over to Stephen Miller and saying “this will bring your wife back?”

I think Trump will fold first. Because he always does. TACO.

I’m not sure if you can overdose on schadenfreude but we’re about to find out

This feels like Alien vs Sexual Predator

This isn’t hard or complicated. For people weighing in w/different versions of this theme: Musk isn’t a good guy, we forget nothing, he’s not on the team, never will be on the team. We don’t mind if this disgusting evil alliance comes apart. That doesn’t make us Team Elon. Next.

It sure seems like men are too emotional to run the most powerful country on earth!

if the wheels had come off this thing any faster it'd be a Cybertruck

why not decommission it the usual way: launching it into a million pieces over protected wetlands

I'm just glad one of these men has the nuclear codes and the other has all our personal data.

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha (breath) hahahahahahaha

These angry tweets are our generation’s Federalist and Anti-Federalist Papers.

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

It’s the happiest day of Elon Musk’s life because he finally posted something people actually want to read

If you think you can't make a political issue out of "people shouldn't be grabbed off the street and put in a foreign gulag forever," maybe consider getting out of politics/punditry. And these aren't technical slogans: they appear in the Declaration of Independence and in the Constitution (twice).

I gave the rottweiler who killed all of my friends' babies a big, juicy steak and I'm here to tell you that you're all being a little melodramatic about Murderer the Rottweiler.

Weird how the same party that insisted undocumented immigrants don't pay any taxes is now using the records of undocumented immigrants paying their taxes to find them. Of course they think it's *great* they won't be adding to our tax revenues anymore. Damn freeloaders, giving us money for nothing.

This is a great point. For example, when I look back at the epochal changes of this past January, I would personally have voted not to confirm Marco Rubio

Unless it's measles. Or COVID. Or syphilis.

If you’re tempted to reply to a joke post with: •picky factual correction •humorless literalism •self righteous scolding •your strident personal politics …Stop. You’re sucking the life out of the platform. Take your typing hand and slap yourself across the face instead.

Be like Rosemary #HandsOff #April5

Seen in Pittsburgh

Encouraging that this church across from the GA State Capitol has its bells tolling throughout as 20,000 people matched by for #handsoff Atlanta.

This is Utah in case anyone’s wondering how pissed off people are. I have never seen anything like this.

Woke: Going to college and maybe being a doctor or accountant or scientist or something America First: Homeschooled about how well slaves were treated as preparation for your career producing “No Fat Chicks” merch

Production at this facility was temporarily shut down as they assessed the impact of tariffs going forward.

Red Wave

[stares wistfully into the distance]

I have tariffed the penguins that are on Heard Island and which you were probably assuming did not export goods forgive me they were taking advantage of us so cunning and so cold

Two heroic stray dogs rescued an injured dog from the middle of the road by dragging him to safety. The dog had been hit by a car and was stranded. Many cars passed by, but it was two stray dogs who pulled him off the road. The injured dog survived, and the stray dogs were rescued. 15/10 for both

Trueism: Presidents don't have a lot of impact on the economy. Fine Print: Because most don't do totally insane things.