Making funeral arrangements for a teen two days before Christmas. Trying and failing to find my holiday spirit.

The opening song for this morning’s funeral is an a cappella version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow“. What a lovely and unusual choice.

Damn. Just two weeks from retirement.

This was my off-call week and I got some stuff done. Saw some movies, had some therapy, finished some books. Came down with something on Thursday and spent the last four days in bed…just in time to go back on first call tomorrow. Christmas on-call’s always a tough one, the calls much more emotional.

Hard Candy Christmas is the best Christmas song because Dolly’s answers to seasonal depression are either picking up a new hobby or getting on a bus and leaving town forever and that’s the best truest depiction of the season.

A little personal milestone: I read all of Terry Pratchett‘s Discworld books this year. I finished with ten days to spare. My favorite? A tie between “Going Postal“ and “Moving Pictures.”

It’s the “season of love and giving”…but this year, doesn’t it seem more like a “season of fear and taking”? Like many of you, I’ve been saddened by the human impact of draconian government budget cuts and how angry many housed Americans are at unhoused Americans. 🧵 1 of 9

Merry Epstein Eve! (We’re not getting anything under the tree tomorrow.)

Ghost of Christmas Past: You were cool, then you became a dick Ghost of Christmas Present: You’re a dick Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: You will remain a dick You: I won’t be a dick anymore Tiny Tim: Your resolve to cease your dickishness has cured my vague pulmonary/skeletal disease somehow

If you call 707-873-7862, you'll reach a pep-talk hotline created by a group of elementary school kids in California. Try it.

he also kind of gets everyone's asses again in this follow up with the washington post

Going into “Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair.” See you all in about four and a half hours. Someone txt me if he dies.

Walking into therapy. There should be a “Year End Wrap” for this. “In 2025, You Were Fixated On: •Sexual fantasies •Workplace Drama •That thing you did in high school •The presidency •Your weight •Feelings of inadequacy •Aliens”

Very niche post: I really, really loved the pro shot of “Merrily We Roll Along.”

Bobby Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez literally have every award, they wrote the songs for Coco and Frozen. But when we invited them on @bullseye.maximumfun.org , they wanted to sing a song they wrote for Kermit the Frog that no one had heard before. Everyone was 😭. youtube.com/shorts/p43C1...

Rob Reiner made some great movies but he was also unafraid to speak the truth, and was one of the public voices who knew you don’t squander your platform, and only got louder about opposing evil fucks as he got older. Legend.

My bad children are all home for the holidays.

Dick Van Dyke made it to 100.

My middle child is home from college. She’s in her room, playing guitar and singing “Hard Candy Christmas” and my heart is full of joy. My daughter in Boston will be home tomorrow.

The tragedy of dying the day before your 103rd birthday.

I have lost all faith in the integrity of Steve Bannon and Woody Allen.

What a lovely thing to wake up to!

Today I complimented @coldchef.bsky.social and a comic book called, "Saga." giveusyourfuckingmoney.com

*high-fives Louisiana*

Chatting with a friend this morning about weird sex acts and I mentioned the death of Dustin Diamond and she was like, “He’s dead?” And then at the same time, both of us shouted, “Hey, Alexa!” And that may be the funniest thing that’s ever happened before coffee.

Will Arnett was on Conan and told a story about how Conan dealt with the death of his parents by accusing Jason Bateman of killing them. It’s so funny.

I loved George Clooney’s “Jay Kelly” on Netflix.

Looking for a stocking stuffer? Make your own LEGO Minifig. www.lego.com/en-us/minifi...

sure yeah tv shows are all well and good but do you know about the most important “charisma carpenter” of all?

I’m happy to hear that my holiday cards have been arriving all over the country (but none of the international ones yet). I’ve got a few spare cards, so if you’d like one (no exchange necessary, but always appreciated) DM me your real name and mailing address. I will TRY not to steal your identity.

Deathcall. When you’re a funeral director in a small town, you’ll inevitably end up handling the funeral services for your friends. What they don’t tell you is that some of those friends will be little old church ladies who live to their 90s, but still always have a flirt or a dirty joke for you.

Funeral this morning. I’m thrilled because the local attorney’s wife made her coconut and pecan cake. It’s still warm from the oven. It’s ugly as hell, but it’s the most delightful, moist cake ever. She came and found me in the chapel and whispered, “I brought you your favorite cake.” Love!

Hear me out: Brendan Fraser should star in a sequel to “Encino Man” set in current times. His caveman character is still perplexed by mankind and the modern world. He’s on a quest to take down AI and all of the falseness of society. It is NOT a comedy. He yearns for a world that no longer exists.

We watch the movies so you don’t have to: @jenleepa.bsky.social and I watched “Fight or Flight” (aka “Bullet Plane”) and “Bride Hard” (which is a weird mashup of “Spy” and “Bridesmaids”). Neither is very good. But at least the Bridesmaids felt like they were trying to be funny on purpose.

My holiday cards are in the mail! But I currently have low faith in our postal system. Please drop me a note if you get a card from me. Thanks so much!

Turkey, shrimp, and sausage gumbo is done. If you come over, bring your own bowl.

I just remembered the TikTok that I’m sure was sent to @coldchef.bsky.social a billion times. Apologies sir for making it a billion and one. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTr6HQvAS/

We have eaten and reached the “Who Can Stay Awake the Longest During the Sound of Music” portion of our competition. I predict I’ll make it at least to “I Have Confidence.”

Today I’m thankful that nearly a quarter century ago, I signed up for a certain community weblog, which made me avoid some of the darker and less wholesome internet communities. Without it, I wouldn‘t know most of you fine people today and what you look like in your underwear.

The sequel to “Sisu” should have been called “Sistu” and the third should be called “Sisuperior.”

Mmm mmm good god!

Books We Love is back with a brand new batch of hand-picked titles. Mix and match tags like “Book Club Ideas” and “Eye-Opening Reads.” Find 380+ new 2025 reads, and stick around to browse more than 4,000 books from the last 13 years.

Undertaker pro-tip: When the family offers whiskey shots, it’s rude to say no.

Pack it up Pack it in Let me begin I came to win Battle me? That’s a sin.

Watching “Nobody 2.” Man, Christopher Lloyd is old in this. Has he always been old? How old was he in “Back to the Future?” Oh. He was forty-seven years old. Five years younger than I am. oh

Post vacation book haul.

Today I learned: Steve Martin was considered for the part of Brad in the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” motion picture.

Wishing a very happy birthday to my beautiful dining companion @sweetbabette.bsky.social. I am the luckiest!

Waiting patiently for the reporter who decides to torch their entire career but become an instant folk hero by telling off Trump right to his face.