Today I have been all the way down to New Orleans to the coroner’s office, to the crematory, to the asylum for the criminally insane (they don’t call it that anymore) and now I’m headed back to the crematory. I rule these roads.

We lost Douglas Adams 25 years ago today. This has made a lot of people very sad and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Look, I’ve read all your Facebook posts and here’s the thing: they can’t *ALL* be the greatest mom ever. That’s mathematically impossible. And I think many of you are biased. There, I’ve said it.

This week won’t let up. Another traumatic deathcall. MVA. Single car. When I got back to the office from the crematory, the family was sitting on my front doorstep. I answered their questions for about twenty minutes, but they had that million miles stare.

It’s been a rough week. Along with the normal, regular elderly deaths, I’ve had three separate trauma deaths. Two self-inflicted gunshot deaths and one MVA. One trauma death can fill an entire week. Three deaths are a challenge to the spirit, as well as a test of your logistics skills.

i have murdered the man standing up in the meeting and buried his body in a shallow grave deep in the forest

This is true. #WritingCommunity Don't give up. (Just in case you needed to hear that today.)

Congrats to @cincopaul.bsky.social and his team on all those Tony nominations!

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Knowing my love of deviled eggs, the church ladies have begun bringing me my own share, separate from the repast dinner. I am eating them in my car like a monster.

Anne Hathaway, you will ALWAYS be that girl. 💙💛

25 years ago, I joined a community weblog called MetaFilter and it changed my life. I have really interesting and amazing friends all over the world. I’ve seen them get married, have kids, and I’ve even married a few myself. And I’ve helped them plan funerals. I am the luckiest to have found them.

Disruptive midwives move fast and waterbreak things.

Outdoor fucking starts today.

I’m at the New Orleans airport cargo area to retrieve my friend’s wife, who died in Georgia. I’ve been waiting for over an hour for her release and the office closed 28 minutes ago. So I’m just sitting here, listening to two New Orleans airport employees freestyle rapping. They are NOT fresh.

Happy 93rd birthday to Willie Nelson.

I know this may be seen as political hate speech, but I think it’s time we 86 75309.

Descendants of Zachary Taylor Demand Prosecution Of The Freak Who Posted This

did a good post accidentally show up there

Crematory swamp turtles. Solo turt.

Raise your hand if you want to at least VISIT the Land of Boobies.

Deathcall. Savannah, GA. Working out the logistics to get a friend's wife home. She died on vacation.

To be fair, if the gunman didn’t kill them, the staff spit and boogers in their food probably would.

The Fog of WHCD.

A small selection of selfies from tonight’s funeral. A sad occasion, but a good chance to see old friends. There were fourteen Eagle Scouts there (15 if you include the one in the urn). I’m physically and emotionally spent.

Funeral for a friend today. I’m a little adrift. When he died, I felt a compulsion to reach out and break the news to all our friends and former classmates. I was on the phone all day. It was important for me to tell people and I didn’t know why. I was driven.

Emotional support puppies are welcome at my funeral home as long as they are properly dressed for the somber occasion. And I get to hold them.

First crawfish boil of the year.

Make bad art. Especially if your job is making good art. You gotta let go my friends. You gotta create just for the sake of creating. Let it out. Make a mark. Share it with nobody but yourself. Indulge in the act of creation. It's what humans are made for.

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

John Kerry on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: “It’s a good thing for America if neither Iran nor Kash Patel are getting bombed.” 🫡

Today’s excellent postcard from @amanjo.bsky.social.

Crematory swamp turtles with bonus ducks.

"Well, it was the fucking Museum of Science, so how the fuck do you think it was? It was superlative. It was a testament to our region’s proud tradition of rational inquiry."

A rare Sunday afternoon funeral. I’m fine with it because it’s one less funeral that we’ll have to do when I go on first-call this week. It’s already going to be a difficult week. Trying to get into the right headspace for it.

This smart dog knows about politics, he literally gives a shit.😆😆

“There are three things that can always make money: porn, death, and weddings.” -Wedding planner Savannah Engel in “New York” magazine.

This was pretty fun. youtu.be/ufy33Tf8pII?...

Ouch. The LEGO trolls take on Erika Kirk: “Goodbye Charlie.” 🎶 🤣

Buying a stack of books I have no need for at the LSU Book Barn.

PSA for tonight's Pitt finale: If you switch it off right when the credits hit, you're going to miss the best episode tag of the streaming era

I think this would be a funny shirt to be buried in.

Fuck em up!

I'd quit my job and buy a small bookstore and I'd read all day and give books away to the nerdiest kids. Coffee would be free, but only if you sat and visited with me while you drank it. I'd pay high schoolers to record themselves reading text books out loud for students with reading disabilities.

Just got the call from my brother. My childhood best friend has died. I buried both of his parents, who were like parents to me. This one hits extra hard. Just this afternoon, I was going through my photos, trying to find some to lift his spirits. His cancer was aggressive and treatment was brutal.

My doctor would like a word with you.

It was an honest mistake, okay?

This is your warning: you bring a cute baby to one of my funerals—I’m going to hold that baby. She was sweet and I got to hold her for about half an hour before the funeral started. I even instructed my pallbearers while walking around with her. This is just a perk of the job.

Nothing says love like receiving a text with all the dirty headstones your friends saw on a cemetery visit.

Send him in.