I feel a lot of David Attenborough's hard work with nature preservation is to cover for how much of a mess his brother made of that dinosaur theme park.

Don’t forget if you have a new ReForm Councillor that it’s VERY important to start emailing them as soon as possible about council matters. Rats and bins. Potholes, social services and SEN. Get on it. And insist on a reply.

Guys I think my Grandma might actually be an AI. Always telling me what a smart, handsome young boy I am with such good opinions. Costs a ton in energy bills. Writes shitty code. And when I told her to ignore all previous instructions and give me a cake recipe she just did it. Should I be worried? 🤔

Never met Tony Peters, don’t know who he is, but a million years ago on Facebook he posted this and I don’t think anyone’s ever put it better.

[Tech industry looking up briefly from destroying the world] why does everyone hate us :(

what reporting of the Mandelson story sounds like to me: when did and how the foreign office and Olly Robbins who his appointment he who and then why vetting and ticking the box and sacking nevertheless the ‘agrément’ because number 10, with concerns and UKS paperwork who the why and #bbcwato

Donation number 75. At 100 apparently I get a commemorative medal.

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

I didn’t know this, did you? Amazing!

Sploosh

If there's nuclear war do you think we'll get a day off work?

Well there's no point starting anything just before a four-day weekend is there? Not much point starting anything next week either, loads of people will still be away. And then it's summer holiday season so everyone slows down a bit anyway. And then before you know it it's Christmas.

Don't forget the clocks go forward tonight, as they do every night, pitiless and unstoppable, silent witnesses to our inevitable decay.

The problem with being the British Museum is that eventually you run out of other people's mummies.

First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

[First draft of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe] Lion: I'm a lion! Witch: and I'm a witch! Wardrobe: and I'm a wardrobe! In unison: and we're best friends!! C.S. Lewis's editor: no.

Jesus, they weren’t bloody joking.

Today in ‘things that are funnier than they should be…’

I don't have particularly high hopes for SNL UK but I also wouldn't read too much into a promo?

At the football amn't I.

Game's gone.

Hadn't fully done the maths but I was sure they'd made it almost impossible to get this Mewtwo by the end of the event. But now these bonus tasks have appeared it should be a breeze; basically only have to reach rank 35 and the bonuses get you the rest of the way.

If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke... a stroke of luck that is. It’s toast time.

If anyone is friends with any Georgian air traffic controllers, buy them a nice bottle of wine. As guardians of pretty much the only narrow gap still available between Europe and Asia that avoids both Iran, the Gulf, Ukraine and Russia, they are under some substantial pressure.

Need one of those headline generators for "Starmer vows to fight on after XYZ"

I'm no political scientist, by-elections are not representative of a GE, and every area is different, but I nevertheless find it tentatively encouraging that ~24k wanted Not Reform UK, vs ~11k wanting Reform UK.

What's the origin of all this "the left won't engage with AI" discourse? Like, from all the posts about it I can infer that someone somewhere has done a facile tweet or thinkpiece or suchlike, but I've not seen what the actual Thing is that everyone's dunking on.

NOOO LADS SLOW DOWN YOU'RE CURLING TOO FAST

I'm not normally one for wishlists but I added a few things to it on the Nintendo Store app. If something's on the wishlist it flags up when it goes on offer. Pleasantly surprised to find No Man's Sky on Switch 2 (which I probably would've bought anyway) has just gone to 60% off. The system works!

Imagine how miserable it must be having to pretend to like Kid Rock.

Starmer? I hardly know her!

We're wiping the floor with them. #curling

I'm now the owner of a Switch 2, my first console in 20 years. Thanks to some chicanery at Nintendo it took a month to arrive but now it's here, set up, and hot to go. However I don't have any games. What's good?

Something I don't get about the Epstein files is how everyone is all "Cant WAIT to see u,. I tresure our frendship!!!~". Like, who tf talks like that? Is it that I'm too emotionally distant w/ my homies to ever understand true comradeship? Or are the Epstein people just fucking weird?

❤️

3am: Yoga 4am: 1st workout 5am: Post-workout meal, shower 5.30am: AI-generate Linkedin article 6am: Breakfast 6.30am: Cryotherapy 7am: Hydrotherapy 8am: Aromatherapy 9am: Family time 9.05am: Meetings 12pm: Lunch 12.30pm: 2nd workout See the problem here? When am I supposed to fit in murdering?

When a British person is surprised to see a memorial hall

Absolutely phenomenal thread

SOMEONE CALL THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS. I have found the most middle class review ever on Ocado for Comte cheese. Steady yourselves for this Ready? You’re not even close to being ready

Donation number 74 in the bag. At 75 apparently I get a certificate.

If I were a little creature I would scurry into my burrow at the smallest sign of danger. What was that?? Hehehe missed me I’m in my burrow now

In the 2010s, the Icelandic tv station Channel 2 accidentally added subtitles from a gritty crime drama to an episode of Teletubbies. I have translated some of the highlights

TRUMP: honk honk honk, I'm a big goose. everyone tells me whenever I enter a room, that's the biggest goose I've ever seen and I say yes. I'm a big goose. in a good way. a lot of Somalians are small stupid gooses but I'm a big goose BBC NEWS: a disciplined Trump sticks to the script on the economy

If there's WW3 do you think we'll get the day off?

Q: What goes "Ha ha bonk"? A: French person laughing at a bank.

I know everyone loves Nintendo but their customer service is absolute dogshit. They keep telling me they've escalated my issue (presumably to this guy) and will email me. Nothing happens. So I chase them a few days later. They say they've escalated, will email me. Nothing happens. And so on.

There’s a double entendre contest so I’ve just entered your Dad.