Some Sunday Black Boy Joy

FRANCE VS NORWAY I WANNA RIDE IT ALL NIGHT LONG

SHE'S GOT BETTE DAVIS' EYES! AFTER HER!

Looks like I picked the wrong day to open my chunky knitwear and casserole emporium.

It was inevitable, wasn't it🙄 Of course the Telegraph would run with something like this👇 So let's remove some of the rose-tinted spectacles and also look at some of that data comparing 1976 with modern heat waves Because the 1976 nostalgia porn is wearing a bit thin at this stage 🧵1/23

Oh so THAT'S what the massive canning plant is for in Pokopia.

I thought kick off was later and I’m sad I somehow missed it but that’s a great result for Scotland.

lol not much what's upamecano with you?

Starmer? I hardly knew ye!

What am I supposed to do with this box of unstarmed keirs?

If your kink is gruff, grumpy, middle-aged men (with accents), then ITV has got the half-time triumvirate for you. Keane, Ange, and Duncan Ferguson all complaining bitterly about Scotland's defending. Glorious stuff.

let’s all name the worst pizza topping, i’ll go first: bowling ball

Galaxy Brain here booked tickets to the Spineshank/Drowning Pool gig down in Guildford way before the groups were announced. Skipped Drowning Pool (whom I wasn't fussed about anyway, and made it back to London just in time for that Rashford goal. Turns out I CAN have it all!

basketball’s all like gimme that pumpkin i need it and tennis is all like fuck this lemon you take it.

How do you do, fellow grown-ups?

With her performance in today’s World Cup Opening Ceremony, Shakira has officially appeared at four World Cups, tying her with Maradona, Neymar, and Pele, among others

My banknote suggestions: £5: Wasp £10: Seagull £20: Funfair goldfish £50: Those tiny red masonry spiders that used to be everywhere when I was little Maybe throw a panda or two in there. Not native but an evolutionary dead end all the same.

In the better timeline, we've had another muppets remake of a classic movie every five years or so, and they're all classics. People fight over which is best: Muppet Count of Monte Cristo, with Kermit as Edmond Dantes and Eddie Redmayne as Albert, or Muppet Moby Dick, with Ian McShane as Ahab.

HERE IN MY CAR I FEEL SAFEST OF ALL BUT I SAT ON A PEN AND IT'S MADE A RIGHT MESS INK ARSE

It’s all kicking off in Richmond.

saw a truck for a company called Absolute Chimneys and I can’t stop saying that to myself as if I’m an English soccer announcer calling a free kick that sailed over the crossbar

Blanked when I got to the deli counter and came up with “It’s a beautiful day for a sandwich” to have something to say

me when my family enter the room: hey me when the cat enters the room: well hello there! hi! how are you? what a delight to see you. what are you up to? what are you up to? what's going on, eh? oh really, is that so? busy day eh? delightful. how delightful to see you. delightful, yes. absolutely de

Ok this is a truly great tweet

I've had a Fitbit Premium subscription for years because it came free with my watch and I just let it roll over. Not anymore though. Fitbit is now Google Health, and they've basically replaced everything good about it with wall-to-wall intrusive, unhelpful, relentlessly wrong AI slop.

What a man. A dragon-man.

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

I think Hull and Middlesbrough should get together and agree to both go up, thus relegating Spurs and West Ham.

I feel a lot of David Attenborough's hard work with nature preservation is to cover for how much of a mess his brother made of that dinosaur theme park.

Don’t forget if you have a new ReForm Councillor that it’s VERY important to start emailing them as soon as possible about council matters. Rats and bins. Potholes, social services and SEN. Get on it. And insist on a reply.

Guys I think my Grandma might actually be an AI. Always telling me what a smart, handsome young boy I am with such good opinions. Costs a ton in energy bills. Writes shitty code. And when I told her to ignore all previous instructions and give me a cake recipe she just did it. Should I be worried? 🤔

Never met Tony Peters, don’t know who he is, but a million years ago on Facebook he posted this and I don’t think anyone’s ever put it better.

[Tech industry looking up briefly from destroying the world] why does everyone hate us :(

what reporting of the Mandelson story sounds like to me: when did and how the foreign office and Olly Robbins who his appointment he who and then why vetting and ticking the box and sacking nevertheless the ‘agrément’ because number 10, with concerns and UKS paperwork who the why and #bbcwato

Donation number 75. At 100 apparently I get a commemorative medal.

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

I didn’t know this, did you? Amazing!

Sploosh

If there's nuclear war do you think we'll get a day off work?

Well there's no point starting anything just before a four-day weekend is there? Not much point starting anything next week either, loads of people will still be away. And then it's summer holiday season so everyone slows down a bit anyway. And then before you know it it's Christmas.

Don't forget the clocks go forward tonight, as they do every night, pitiless and unstoppable, silent witnesses to our inevitable decay.

The problem with being the British Museum is that eventually you run out of other people's mummies.

First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

[First draft of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe] Lion: I'm a lion! Witch: and I'm a witch! Wardrobe: and I'm a wardrobe! In unison: and we're best friends!! C.S. Lewis's editor: no.

Jesus, they weren’t bloody joking.

Today in ‘things that are funnier than they should be…’

I don't have particularly high hopes for SNL UK but I also wouldn't read too much into a promo?