If you press the bottom of the cylinder, her legs collapse

Love visiting small museums. Really looking forward to having nightmares about this guy for the rest of my life.

Graph of British Rivers

Huh. I didn't know he was married.

Looks like I picked the wrong day to open my chunky knitwear and casserole emporium.

british fan chat

Can't park there mate.

Dug up some bones in the garden and I’ve tried to recreate what sort of animal they might have been from. Looks like some sort of snake most probably.

Happy birthday to you! 🎉

Wow, what a horrific typo. Right on the cover.

Valentine was actually the name of the scientist. You're thinking of Valentine's Monster.

Please enjoy this picture of my cat.

Asterisks are ****ing great. I swear by them.

Yet ANOTHER person with the same teeth as me at the coincidentists.

Bolognese are coming Bolognese are coming

🎶 OOO WAHT FARN OT OS TO RARD UNNA WUN HOSE ORPHAN SLAARGH 🎶

I always find Jingle Bells upsetting because it reminds me of the time my Uncle Billy tragically lost his willy on the motorway.

Please do share to help promote my Teeny-Tiny business. I sell signed giclee prints, mugs, tees and greeting cards. They all make excellent gifts. You’ll find my little store here: infinitebacon.com Thank you!

Hello! It doesn’t cost anything to repost but it helps me spread the word about my small business. My online shop is full of unique Christmas gift ideas. gailmyerscough.co.uk

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time

🎶 OOO WAHT FARN OT OS TO RARD UNNA WUN HOSE ORPHAN SLAARGH 🎶

It's Friday. It's the shortest amount of time anyone has ever owned a trouser press. youtu.be/tNqn5bKmKNc?...

... although it SOUNDED like he lived at number 70.

[boardroom] BOB: Jesus, Jeff, for the last time: NO CLAMS. WE ARE NOT ADDING CLAMS. JEFF (dressed as clam): I have a gun

I bet there's a good story behind that gaffer tape.

We need more music where the singer says "take 'em for a walk, Artie" and then a guy with a clarinet just goes nuts for like 8 minutes

52 Become 51

Can't believe I forgot to do my All Saints' Day joke yesterday. Never ever have I ever felt so low.