SEASON'S GREASONS

BORN TO DIE WORLD IS A FUCK 5,000,000 DEAD REFERENDUM VOTERS

Imagine handing your nephew their Christmas present, and they unwrap it to reveal a dying Homer doll.

Shrimp boys touch butts

We've just raised £1,500,000 for charity! To everyone fundraising, the publishers and developers who donated their game to the Games Collection, and all you who have contributed at home - thank you so, so much. It couldn't happen without all of us together!

Hello! For the next two weeks I'm fundraising for The Trevor Project via Jingle Jam! The Trevor Project is amazing and provides crisis support for LGBTQ+ young people in America. I've a schedule of my streams on my campaign page. And if you donate £35 you can receive a games collection as thanks!

Merry Jinglemas to you and yours! The tree is trimmed and we're just about ready for Jingle Jam! <3

Today is the first day of Jingle Jam! This is the schedule for the first week. I'll see you at 5pm today and On Friday 5th at 2pm for Important Videos VIII! Don't worry, I'm in more stuff next week when most of the guests have left.

We’ve set out jaffa cakes and tea by the fire, with visions of donos dancing in our heads…there’s officially one sleep until Jingle Jam 2025. See you tomorrow!

🎉 We've now hit £200,000! 📈 It keeps going up and up so we've set a new stretch target! 🙌🏼 Thank you to everyone who's donated. 💚 Hope is here. It's all of us. www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/hopeishere

I am challenging The Grinch to a debate

SWHFTT‼️‼️SUNDAY‼️‼️ 81. The better of 2 scifi franchises

Hi everybody, It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships. Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post. This is, somehow, feasible. So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.

getting the onion newspaper is worth it alone for the ads

Man Has Never Given Single Definitive Yes To Any Invitation He's Ever Received https://theonion.com/man-has-never-given-single-definitive-yes-to-any-invita-1819575360/

alfred: dere is a nonce billionaire flyin liddle guls aroun on his air plane sir. he has his own island batman: i don't care

Since I was elected leader of the Green Party, 100,000 new people have joined. In just over two months: 170,000 people ready to make hope normal again. This is only the beginning. Join.greenparty.org.uk

you can't just bring back austin powers. the franchise wrote itself into a corner after he volunteered to stay behind forever in the shagadelic dimension to save foxxy and vanessa. they already brought him back once without explaining how he escaped from fembot island, the audience won't buy it

Happy Korb Torsday to all who celebrate @atnathanyaffe.bsky.social @caldy.bsky.social

Thank you, New York City. Together we made history. Now let’s get to work. transition2025.com

Today is only the beginning. Our time has come, New York. Our time is now.

Join in on Marathon Sunday to elect @ZohranKMamdani with a mandate to govern for working class New Yorkers. Sign up for as many shifts as you can and help win a city for working people, not the billionaires. socialists.nyc/zohran

costume

Encyclopedic Knowledge Not So Handsomely Bound

handbrake icon you are too much my man. i love you though come here

Sorry you've been a victim of fake news. I said this morning to @vicderbyshire.bsky.social that the Green Party had passed 123,000 members. A couple of hours later it's out of date. @greenparty.org.uk have 126,000! 🎉🚀 Join.greenparty.org.uk

I think Dracula could defeat Frankenstein but I don’t think Count Chocula could defeat Frankenberry and that speaks to the richness of the characters

haha. this sucks man

these people know how extreme they are

it's not FOR us

TONIGHT (and especially for followers outside of NYC who want to get involved): Join @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social on a special phonebank at 6pm! Sign up: volunteer.zohranfornyc.com/phonebank-fo...

what's that? another clip?!

First time this guy has ever made me laugh

You've got two and a half more hours to get a signed book from me!! Also here's another incredible piece of art from it, this one by @michaeldeforge.bsky.social

it is nice for my old boss at Hard Drive to put in writing that he loves Elon Musk and was uninvolved in us wrecking him on twitter lol

Tragic: Obvious Wall Jump Spot Long Forgotten Before Wall Jump Unlocked hard-drive.net/hd/video-gam...

THEY LET ME WRITE ANOTHER BOOK "You’re Not Overthinking It" is available for pre-order right now. It collects the most meaningful essays of my career alongside hundreds of new annotations on each piece’s creation, background, and legacy. Far more details below: www.lostincult.co.uk/overthinking

It’s funny how phones have made clock towers obsolete. Like now I can just google images of clock towers whenever I want

Our dog is doing physical therapy, and the photos they’re sending us make him look like a Far Side character.

Absolutely brilliant 👇😀😀😀

there’s so many iconic bits from sex house but this one will always be my favorite

mr mag007

Australia Admits All Those Animals Made Up theonion.com/austral...

🎺 CUE FANFARE 🎺 Beloved subjects, this most awaited day has arrived! The Royal Writ is OUT NOW for the kingdom to experience. Command your creature warriors, witness their noble sacrifices, and bring glory to our realm! Play The Royal Writ now: store.steampowered.com/app/3333700?...

Went to the aquarium today and it’s a little better than going to the zoo because at the zoo you might see an elephant and wonder if it’s happy but at the aquarium it’s like who gives a shit, you’re a fish.

Researchers Determine Coelacanth Faked Own Extinction To Escape Massive Gambling Debt theonion.com/researc...