me back on my bullshit

JD turns up the sound of his favorite TiVo’d Phillies home game against the Dodgers, disrobes, and lays face down on his couch, its smooth leather broken in like a decades old catcher’s mitt. “Boo harder, I am so close!”

What's happening in Minnesota is one reason the Reconstruction Amendments banned insurrectionists from holding office. Unfortunately, the originalists on the Supreme Court interpreted the plain language of the amendment to mean its opposite.

Baz Luhrmann is an idiot who doesn’t know the first thing about opulence

The president needs your help! He's collecting diarrhea for his plane. He has a plane that's 99% toilet with other people's diarrhea in it and he wears a little crown when he drives it around. Brave patriots please send your loose stool to your favorite diarrhea president for his diarrhea plane.

doing this with half-dogs and mini-beers is so disrespectful to the spirit of the challenge that's all about exceeding your recommended sodium intake by 4000% while getting blind drunk that i'm inclined to say this has cost the phillies whatever mandate of heaven they may have had

with my new app, IPO next week,

bluesky: the website for cumming thick piss & pissing thick cum

Celery Victor

you have been made witness to Celery Victor. share this three times and good fortune will follow you into battle

Celery Victor lend me your strength

Barth Grooks

Pope Leo has announced the canonization of the first “millennial saint”: the balloon boy, who made it all the way to heaven in that damn thing

Same.

me: i hort penus today to see if i still feel sewer rat, carrying away my severed toe: squeak

RoboCop (1987), dir. Paul Verhoven, #23

🐈

Holy shit

Found out months too late (because I’m off Facebook) that a dear old friend across the country died in January, so I put a couple of his works up in a prominent place in my workspace RIP Pete Doolittle

Jaa, hau ihm auf die Birne 🤣

weef

found weef

LIFE SUX

Cool so what happens if GOP attach a national abortion ban to a CR? You'll vote for that too? 🚮

Zeno’s Tariff Paradox: President announces a 100% tariff, giving businesses 30 days to prepare. Partway through, he halves the remaining time to 15 days, then 7.5, then 3.75, and so on—always cutting what’s left in half. The moment of full implementation recedes infinitely. Tariffs are impossible.

RIP David Johansen, you have been one of the most influential people on the arc of my life, from my time as a snotty punk kid to the many times we listened to your solo & Buster albums while I was courting my now-spouse during the pandemic. You’re gone but no one who listened will forget you LUV

Judith Butler: "Once you decide that a single vulnerable minority can be sacrificed, you’re operating within a fascist logic, because that means there might be a second one you’re willing to sacrifice, and a third, a fourth, and then what happens?"

i got MONTHS of death threats from pepe avatar jerkoffs five years ago for complaining about santacon but you don’t see me budging an inch on my position that santacon is for ugly tool losers

Fucking Spin Doctors GODDAMNIT (derogatory) And no, I don’t mean politicians or marketers, I mean the assholes responsible for Two Princes playing in my head for 33 fucking years

also if you see a website about a “strike” or other large-scale protest, and they ask you to “sign up” by giving your personal information, DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR INFORMATION! they are almost certainly honeypots! and any that might not be can easily be compromised!

Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All theonion.com/pentago...

I figured out what to watch instead of other programming today

here’s David Lynch’s excellent NYC anti-littering PSA. RIP to a man who changed movies and tv forever. I was skeptical at first, but now i feel very differently. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSWv...

this defense of chatgpt may be the funniest thing i've ever read in my life

Saw this rusty thing before they scuttle it

Sunday morning in Philadelphia with @amho.bsky.social, go birds

I am seeing more and more opinions bubbling up about how throwing trans people to the wolves would be a winning strategy for Democrats, and I just want to quickly say: Fuck off with that absolute dog shit.

Margin walker

Noticed this morning that my Washington Post subscription had auto-renewed for 12 months. After learning about the non-endorsement fiasco, I found out that there is no way to stop the payment online. However, I was able to cancel and get a refund by calling the 800 number

He’s making weird little snores

Hanging out in Chicago and someone threw a 2 Litre of DR Pepper over the fence of the patio we were at and bonked me in the nog - Bar staff explained it was probably Sue, the crazy lady that throws bottles at everyone in the neighborhood, and that I should not drink the DR Pepper, probably pee in it