Hey friends, it’s that time of year. I teach high school science including bio, advanced bio, and infectious diseases & global health! I share most things with my department. There are some dream items on here I don’t expect to get, but anything helps! Thank you! www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/...

it's funny how for decades the RIAA would carbomb teenagers for downloading one (1) song yet now these dudes are just allowed to do this shit like it's nothing

you know what? fuck you. [un-reticulates your splines]

you know what? fuck you. [un-reticulates your splines]

i will say lindsey graham being asked by a reporter how mitch mcconnell is doing, answering “i don’t know, i’m going to check right now” and then dying is hilarious

Me: "It's time to start eating healthy." Lettuce: "I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea!" Chips and cookies in my pantry: "I would never do that to you."

it’s never been a better time to live off of processed foods 😂 now i can say that i’m eating frozen pizza & goldfish for Health

You're laughing? Mitch McConnell and Lindsay Graham are in hell being sewn together into a human centipede and you're laughing?

Just in case y’all have never seen the haboobs we get here yet lol

I was @ripperoni.com's girlfriend for 4 and 1/2 years. In June 2022, I attempted suicide. My mental health collapsed, and I desperately needed rehabilitation, but (In-person) Ripperoni became my sole caretaker. I was a blank slate to be molded, unmoving and spiraling for most of the day.

putting together IKEA furniture, thinking about KJÏLLING myself

I have been expressing desire for an app that alerts me to the presence of pervert glasses in my vicinity. It exists and it's called Nearby Glasses! Immediate download.

logging on

update: my fence came down. the whole thing. lmao

✅

you know what? fuck you. [huffs, puffs, and blows your house down]

Crazy how People is the remaining publication that just goes for the jugular.

It has been criminally underreported but Kelsey Pfendler has just rowed solo across the Pacific Ocean from the US coast to Hawaii in record time. A 2,400-mile unsupported journey in 43 days, 17 hours, and 55 minutes. Notably beating the Men’s record by 9 whole days.

“stop WOKE act” has me cackling. these people are fucking deranged.

For the first time on record, the #ArcticCircle crossed a temperature that once felt almost impossible for such a frozen region: above 38°C. A place many imagine as endless ice, snow, and cold winds suddenly touched a number usually associated with scorching deserts #ClimateEmergency #oilandgas

i am not exaggerating when i say the AZ DMV will approve just about anything.

one of my favorite things about arizona is that our DMV does not give a single fuck and will approve almost anything. case in point

i love the internet because you can call someone a liar by responding to them with “charlie brown had hoes”

the secret to the perfect grilled cheese is adding a bit of garlic & herb boursin. you’re welcome

actual pro tip from a girl who has been to more shows than i could ever count: if you ever need to get out of a crowd quickly, push your body in the direction you need to go while you put your hand over your mouth and dramatically, visibly heave. people will get out of your way IMMEDIATELY.

good evening :)

1 month until my bday 🥰 the big 29

while crowds at shows are on my mind, i have a question for everyone: what artist had the best crowd you ever experienced? for me i would say it was a tie between choking victim & green day. honorable mention to streetlight manifesto.

actual pro tip from a girl who has been to more shows than i could ever count: if you ever need to get out of a crowd quickly, push your body in the direction you need to go while you put your hand over your mouth and dramatically, visibly heave. people will get out of your way IMMEDIATELY.

easily one of my most favorite songs of all time

now playing 🎧 it’s such a bummer that jesse lacey is a piece of shit bc brand new is so good 😭

sesa-spicious

365 day exposure, one year in a pinhole camera, 7.4.25 to 7.5.26 #solargraphy #pinholephotography #altprocess

happy 4th of july, phoenix is on fire LMAO

it’s fuck america all day until the second a british person starts talking shit. don’t you have some queueing and tutting to do or something

sesa-spicious

“MAD’s ingenious plan for a more efficient government” MAD magazine, december 1979

feed that picks up on USA-related topics called “all american regex” send skeet

my favorite thing about america is drive-thru liquor stores and drive-thru cigarette shops

me: i fucking hate america british person: lol america sucks me: THESE COLORS DON’T RUN 🦅

biblically accurate playstation controller

🎇🇺🇸 RONALD REAGAN FUN FACT: 4TH OF JULY EDITION 🇺🇸🎇 he’s still dead - and nothing would be more patriotic than to wish him a very hot day in hell today!🫡

This is, I believe, the connoisseur's 4th of July dril tweet

SHUT THE FUCK UP

live, laugh, lamotrigine <3

good evening, drink your water, i love you <3 what did you have/what are you having for dinner tonight? bonus points if you have pics 👀

less burning the candle at both ends, more eating the sandwich from both ends