"I'm gonna call the police and tell them you're fat!"

my favorite past time when talking to much younger men is to give them advice on wooing women that is really just care and feeding instructions for iguanas

Shout out to my road dogg Pot Bear

i can be trusted with vintage typography equipment

There's plenty of songs in English about wanting to fuck Santa but I gotta know the ones on offer in other languages

obsessed with this giant pack of duty free cigarettes i got for Christmas this year. it contains ten packs of Swiss cigs. i don't even smoke but the whole product is just so beautiful. this Christmas, remember: smoking kills!

Thanks to Trump’s ban on all foreign drone imports, the grand 10+ year tradition of Drone Crashmas in the U.S. - when people immediately lose, crash, or otherwise cause mayhem with Christmas drones - may be going extinct. To commemorate this sad moment, here’s some of my past Crashmas cards:

Me too little fella

Tiny Tim who did not die

Merry Christmas, featuring clip on birds and two tissue ghosts one of my students made for me for Halloween

it's Christmas Eve but it's also the 16 year anniversary of the time an art historian for the Hungarian National Gallery spotted a long lost painting while watching Stuart Little with his 3-year-old daughter, recognizing it in the movie set

What sick fuck is using a drill this morning

Hail to the King

Settling into bed for the main nights snooze and what do I see but a dozen sneezes

the uncs were all chopped by the chimney with care

*hits vape* the relationship with santa & the elves is best described as a jollycule /send skeet/

john waters' 1995 christmas card with steve buscemi as him

I love that Community referenced this not once, but twice bsky.app/profile/mcs2...

Holiday meerkat enrichment throwback! ✨ These stockings were filled with mealworms and treats to encourage natural digging and foraging behaviors, one of many ways we keep animals active and engaged. 🐾 Wishing you happy holidays! ❤️

Your own personal cheeses Something that's nice Something that's for meese

Need to get Werner to do the spoken word parts of those older Christmas songs.

Who knew Chris Rea’s Driving Home For Christmas was so punk!

I bought you wine!

Jodie Foster: They should have sent a poet Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night

DOCTOR: it says here you took 3 years off to "soak in tub"? THIS GUY: (pleasantly) Yes, due to my autism.

Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad

youtu.be/whK2O0feEVw?... And maybe you're thinking, I do indeed fact want a full on day of full in fun. Tough, puzzle park is closed as hell. Which is a shame, not many places with manually self operate rides that could and probably did break bones. It was incredibly fun.

i like this southern baptist catholicism that they have josh broken doing in knives out

Eating all the pine needles off the floor as a child helped me develop the thick waxy coating I have today

Ppffffffft fuck them nerds

You rang?

it should be possible to have other meals "full english" style. want a full english lunch. or a full english late night taco bell.

Merry Christmas from Saddam Hussein (the cat)

Also features a great recipe for three stooges brioche

Occasionally, and like only occasionally because I do not miss the heat. I miss the being in a scrum of greek widows, Italian matriarchs and some poor bastard from out of town trying to get prawns before Christmas. It was a like a moshpit except without the etiquette of letting people in or out

anyway that isn't even true

They don't tend to ask follow up question they mostly look at me with concern and pity like I told them I have a slow moving but ultimately fatal cancer

[to the tune of Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime] simpsons maggie marge homer lisa bart

the grinch’s heart was a grower not a show-er that day

May greetings, it’s a look back to the morning farm rush hour with our forever friends enjoying the freedom of our charity farm, living in harmony

[first day as a shepherd] boss: where are you going? me: [pointing] star boss: what? why me: [shrugging] baby

there are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see

Galaxy Quest, like Iron Giant , Fury Road and Tremors, is one of those rare movies without flaws. It's not just good, but miraculous.

I remember reading how therapists are struggling with helping us in a lot of ways right now because we are reacting normally to the totally hellish nightmare world. Like, if someone is ripping off your fingernails the proper response is to scream.