BeTheCookie
@bethecookie.bsky.social
📤 569
📥 551
📝 232
Possibly not a cookie, but definitely a Cookie
pinned post!
You (boorish, uneducated): I see a woodchuck. Me (refined, erudite): Ah yes, a forestcharles.
about 1 year ago
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BeTheCookie
Path 🎉
about 20 hours ago
🎶it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife / it's meeting the man of my dreams / and then realizing he's just a pile of more fucking spoons IT'S LIKE SPOOOOONS ON YOUR WEDDI
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Ygrene
about 20 hours ago
me: *using normal speaking voice* jason statham: *eyes narrow* narrator: this summer, jason statham shuts up the bad guys in… The Librarian
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Ygrene
5 days ago
good morning only to people who aren’t planning and doing war crimes
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Ygrene
5 days ago
seems like a good day to not be the stupidest and wrongest person in recent history
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Amy
5 days ago
curled up like a whorl of smoke in the blue light, watching warm bodies sway and sweat as i sip a whiskey sour letting the lemon bite my lips like a yearning lover overtaken by the thump of a rhythm only he can hear
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T odd
6 days ago
Just got off the phone with the President, he does not know if his refrigerator is running.
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BeTheCookie
PAM!
7 days ago
All I want for my next birthday is one of them cartoon sandwiches where you shuffle all the ingredients together into one mile high sammich.
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BeTheCookie
☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
7 days ago
You've been struck by, you've been hit by, a disintegration beam.
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Brosephine Wires, Renowned GZA Enthusiast
7 days ago
just a heads up: the shaolin and the wu-tang could be dangerous
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BeTheCookie
stefan
8 days ago
The gap in my resume is when my brain and body were telling me that working is stupid.
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Seamus O'Flaugherty
8 days ago
just want to remind everyone on this Easter weekend that the only time Jesus threw hands was with the moneychangers at the temple trying to make bank off of the devout
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geekysteven
8 days ago
Booming voice from the sky: "Prepare to receive the Word of God! Your revelation may be recorded for quality and training purposes."
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A woman scorned… An epic opportunity for revenge… A leak of the files and a plea deal?
9 days ago
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BeTheCookie
Swim Jeans 👖
9 days ago
New sign for the White House just dropped
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Amy
9 days ago
show us your eggs, i yell into your secret crevice
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Amy
11 days ago
listen i’m so sorry your parents named you chet but that is no reason to charge me with manslaughter, your honor
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BeTheCookie
The Arcane Nibbler
11 days ago
*licks finger and holds it up against the sky Yep the pecker gnats are gonna be fierce this year.
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BeTheCookie
☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
14 days ago
I never want to be part of a random that has me as a member
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BeTheCookie
Ygrene
15 days ago
[sick techno beat] i’m a good day haver twisted good day haver [sick techno escalates]
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BeTheCookie
PAM!
15 days ago
(waking in a cold sweat 42 hours after trying to remember something) Todd. The second oldest boy's name was Todd.
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BeTheCookie
CrazyMyra
15 days ago
Pretty done with those who say "Reach out, you're not alone" when I'm feeling down. I know, ffs. Being surrounded by people is most of the problem.
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𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗼🧩
15 days ago
ill be following the trail of breadcrumbs but only cuz i like eating stuff off the floor
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BeTheCookie
☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
15 days ago
The floor is screaming ever time you walk on it. The walls are bleeding. The ceiling is waiting to crash down and punish you for sinning against the foundations. The house grows hungry.
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geekysteven
15 days ago
Went to Medieval Times, but they modeled everything off of Tang Dynasty China and they wouldn't even joust for me
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BeTheCookie
🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
16 days ago
don’t forget to floss your toes tonight
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geekysteven
16 days ago
Appropriating every piece of police propaganda about "backing the blue" and making it about supporting the blue-blooded horseshoe crabs
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BeTheCookie
𝖢𝖠𝖳 𝖡𝖴𝖳𝖫𝖤𝖱 𝖲𝗋.
16 days ago
But always remember, through all of this chaos, grief, and gaslighting....Trump is playing 4-Dementia Chess.
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BeTheCookie
chris.
16 days ago
I fill my body with tiny spiders at night in hopes that by morning they'll have mended all the cracks and the fissures.
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Star Wars had the clone war, we get the drone war. Our Jar Jar Binks is Speaker Johnson, or really any cabinet member.
17 days ago
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PAM!
17 days ago
Adding crunchy bits of Metamucil fiber thin to my unsweetened Greek yogurt so I can snuffle around in it for enrichment.
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I see your Baghdad Bob and raise you with Tehran Don.
19 days ago
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Excuse me. You’re standing in the way of my origin story…
21 days ago
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Twin Dad
21 days ago
I'm just glad Billy Joel isn't around to see how much worse it got after the cola wars.
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And to think, we could have had a woman President instead of whatever this is… Twice.
22 days ago
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geekysteven
23 days ago
Psychologists who insist on referring to fun as “eustress” aren’t a lot of eustress at parties.
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BeTheCookie
Jenny Doesn’t Know
23 days ago
Counting children’s decaying teeth instead of sheep to go to sleep
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It’s all party over country and never the bride or some such
24 days ago
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Ygrene
25 days ago
i showed you my plan for the hormuz strait please respond
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Those who live in glass houses, should not throw stones. BUT if you must, throw them at someone with at least 34 felony convictions.
25 days ago
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Brosephine Wires, Renowned GZA Enthusiast
25 days ago
If you love someone, set them free. If you love them a lot, advise that they never return.
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Ygrene
26 days ago
good morning only to people who have avoided having an anvil fall from the sky onto their head, leaving a comically large bump. stay safe out there
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Amy
26 days ago
if i ever had a baby i would play basketball with it it would look so cute swishing through the net
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Amy
26 days ago
“still steampunk” i say as i adjust my spectagoggles and wind up my clockwork heart
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Doremus Jessup
27 days ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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PAM!
28 days ago
Bringin' the trash can a little closer and putting my arm around it.
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What if they went back in time and changed it to veja dù? What then? Have we talked about this already? I feel like we have. We have, haven’t we?
28 days ago
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Jesus and Butthead
29 days ago
it's friday night, so if you go to the white house, you'll find don and jd sitting in front of a computer wearing bras on theirs heads, trying to create a woman
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
29 days ago
what if we all just started screaming what then
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Rita J
29 days ago
URGENT -- the Trump administration is REFUSING to say how many Americans are dying in the Iran war. Read that again. The government is HIDING the truth about American casualties. Which means they are likely FAR HIGHER than the numbers being reported in the media. Tristan Snell
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☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
29 days ago
Maybe the real treasure was the friends we sacrificed to the unspeakable demon horror along the way.
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