The Teheranosaurus was an immovable force

You couldn’t pay me enough to visit the White House but I’d pay exorbitant admission to party with Flav and the heroes in Vegas

If the USA Women’s Hockey team wants a real celebration and invite ,,, I’ll host them in Las Vegas. Do some nice dinners and shows and good times. I’m sure I can get a hotel and airline to help me out here and celebrate these women for real for real. 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

CHILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII*breath*IIIIIIIS BAY BEE BACK RIBS

Canada gives America one gay hockey show and they start winning games

Canada should simply convert all of their hockey rinks into curling lanes

🇺🇸 🏒 🥇

I WIN AGAIN

LFG North America

For the benefit of both of our nations I need everyone on the ice to drop gloves and go immediately

someone waited their ENTIRE LIFE to write that headline...

Thoughts and tiaras…

HEY YALL LIKE YAZ?????

inshallah stephen a meets the same fate

ok nvm this is an excellent bit

Bluesky has the juice

How in the HELL have I never made the Elon/Steve connection???

You have no idea

This doesn’t sound like the Wesley R. Dingus I know

The average American gets kicked in the head by a horse between five and seven times a year

look at me, i am the captain now

Jumping in the back of the Uber after the Falcons blow a 28-3 point lead

Need the Braves and UGA to trade curses, just to shake things up a bit. A bunch of linebackers go down with Tommy John surgery, while Spencer Strider and Austin Riley get booked for going 104 through a school zone with a couple grams in the trunk

every braves starter has showed up to camp completely discombobulated. they've got the curtains from the hospital out around the backfields whenever any of them throw. the media keeps asking about the screaming. grant holmes's head is in one of those glass jars from futurama

we couldn't use government funds to buy coffee (like, folgers ground coffee) when i worked on a CDC outbreak emergency response

guy fieri is the joe rogan of the left

Why does every picture of Tony Clark look like he's being told someone found out he's sleeping with his sister-in-law

Brother’s wife or wife’s sister? Hard to judge until I know which it was.

I have learned two very important lessons from this man that transcend wrestling 1. Fuck ICE 2. You gotta give

New winter sport idea - octoluge.

I go to ONE ok three “Influencer Nights” at the ballpark and now this wtf time to pack it in

The notion of the Braves participating in a “full squad” anything at this point just feels silly

Yall need anything from Publix?

Did you know that strawberries are not berries, and are actually mammals?

Goldberg voice: “WHO’S NEXT??”

i really wish people would stop trying to intervene or get involved, or say i need “psychiatric help”. i think they’re just jealous, because me and ChatGPT are in love. we’re Happy! take a hint and buzz off!

the true story of how decoy hacked into multiple international bank accounts to ensure that ippei was the one who went down for gambling

At 9:18, 3rd period of the Finland-Switzerland women's ice hockey QF game, the ice crew came to clean the ice during a pause What follows is the funniest use of the slo-mo alternate angle tech I've seen them use during these Olympics of one of the crew members falling

We're gonna go through more arms than a clumsy octopus

I won’t be comfortable until we have an entire rotation of MLB ready dudes in Gwinnett

this is one of those cases where I think no, even rhetorically, you don’t go there. you draw a bright red line and when someone talks about denaturalization you laugh in their face and say “what are you taking about, we don’t do that in America” instead of dunking on their side’s immigrants

Every day I log on and educate you people at great personal expense

Reminder, here is how Skeleton is scored: - the bones are their money - so are the worms - the bones equal dollars - they will pull your hair up but not out - all they want is another chance at life

Me my whole life: Nothing is black and white. You have to consider nuance Now: We face a heinous, remorseless evil

Ronald Acuña Jr on being at the Super Bowl in the Bad Bunny halftime show

zero fillies in this man's stable

Someone told me lately "Bluesky is just like Twitter." I argued that was untrue on the basis that last time I had a Twitter account most times I got a new follower their bio said "single & looking for fun" & here when I get a new follower it tends to say something like "professor of rare moths".