i will be honest i have no idea what we are talking about

i know this is a rt but i think we are about to have a vaccine for lyme disease i think this is very good news

hustling, hustling, every day crow's hustling

My dad disappeared from his Baltimore trucking company when I was a kid. 20 years later, I went looking for answers. I did it to survive. In telling this story, I hope in some way to help others do the same. “Whatever Happened to Eddy Crane?” is out in April 2026. This is the cover…

putting so much pineapple on my pizza that i feel compelled to put a napkin over my head

i have seen the end of all things. fire rains from the sky as i die of thirst

i feel like i have lived twice as long as i was supposed to but like i am only a third of the way done

olympics: you are the third best person in the world at Sports bronze medalist: i am going to fucking kill myself

once was told by someone that the only solution to “no pronoun is gender-neutral” was to simply stop referring to anyone in the third person

should i have a third cup of coffee? pros: coffee cons: my tummy

my go to pizza is: pepperoni black olives pineapple mushrooms green peppers and i vote

we call her roux garoux sometimes

i wish my bio did not truncate

it is ham time

i bet you could fuck up a monkey’s brain really badly if you just let them on social media

if we look at bluesky as a micro-internet some people on here appear to be doing equivalent to navigating to bonsai kitten every morning so they can be angry about its existence

bluesky needs more disagreement. i for one hate everything about the internet. pineapple does belong on pizza. waffles are superior to pancakes but inferior to french toast. bacon salad is amazing (that is pureed bacon mixed with mayonnaise). game of thrones was mid in all ways

yes my horse’s name is “grab an officer’s service weapon” and yes i do intend to enter him into the kentucky derby

the best gift you can give yourself is an orgasm. the second best is love. the third best is $33000 in cash and a fake passport

it is going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage. you should never have given me a sledgehammer

waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night gripped by an idea so astounding it will change everything but when you check the note later it just says “horse olympics”

i am legally changing my name to roxilla, which i can only assume is a mistransliteration of “rockzilla”

okay so like i saw this ad about 11 times all told that day— and have not since

the cybertruck looks normal to him. that is a normal car for a low-poly man

i have never seen another person alive or dead who looks like elon musk so i feel safe making fun of him in this way

amusingly, US tax law requires you to declare the value of Olympic medals as income on your tax return - although you then get to deduct that value as long as your adjusted gross income does not exceed $1,000,000

They had some fun with it

Already reposted the quoted post but just started cracking up all over again because I can’t believe we saw a wholesome example of this exact format in the wild

French Canadian news did a whole thing last night on raw materials. Gold medal costs like $4400, silver is $2800, bronze is $7

i think we should make a television show specifically for the people who are both extremely funny and extremely dangerous. give them something to do all day (be on television)

wehn yuor hair do big whoosh

picking a moment that spelled the end of the american empire which will be proved accurate only in hindsight. i think it was when they discontinued the breakfast ultimate sandwich at mcdonald’s

it is actually a myth that sharks can smell one drop of blood in an olympic swimming pool. the IOC discontinued that event

social network where every time someone bothers the mods it becomes 2x as many social networks

i think harry potter should be in guantanamo bay

i should be able to take a bite out of a cactus and experience no negative consequences

good things people have invented, an incomplete list

the amount of money you've saved these jackals in stress testing alone,

Pussy so good you gotta post on Tumblr

was telling someone about this account and said like "yeah it is one of my alts but i have not used it very recently" and he looked and was like. "you have five thousand followers and posted three days ago". i said what i said

hello skinpals

why is it always one side of things that needs to “broaden horizons” and why is it always the side that is wanted dead

I can't remember god

i do not owe you legibility. i owe myself freedom

“i am so sorry, we did all we could”

[doctor coming to brief my family in the waiting room] He's awake and posting.

Bluesky moderation won't be effective until it can label posts by whether the poster has a core of inner serenity, or whether the post comes from sourceless swirling anger. User gets to choose which they want to see.

*disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience* *disrupts yr experience*