im on that good kush and tylenol

I noticed when you stopped noticing and actually, I am mad about it.

"That thing you love sucks" and 99 other great phrases for starting fights online!

"i'm a creep" "i’m a weirdo" okay?? i was working in the lab late one night when my eyes beheld an eerie sight for my monster from his slab began to rise and suddenly to my surprise (he did the mash) he did the monster mash (the monster mash) it was a graveyard smash 🎃🧟‍♀️

Four score and seven years ago, they were chugging opiates like nobody’s business

i’ve been thinking about starting a “media journal” or something cause i tend to binge new media and never look at it too closely the first time. thought it might help me slow down while also just using parts of my brain i haven’t for awhile. also i hate doing that kind of stuff on my phone. so plus

sucking joints and smoking doinks or whatever lincoln said

I’M FUCKING TRYING

killing myself so i can avoid getting sick or injured ever again in the future

falls asleep inside you (forgetfully)

i always ask for non-virgin olive oil bc it’s a lot of pressure to be someone’s first

of course men came up with windmills and helicopters.

backshots (aloofly)

*smacks ass* (cordially)

i think more people would be attracted to me if i wasn’t just a floating cartoon skull in negative

damn girl, you shit with that ass? (tactfully)

hey, did you order this pizza with extra sausage? (respectfully)

alexa, play massive attack

babe, i have some pressure i need your help relieving (platonically)

i am usually ashamed of my sex jokes but then i see the ones that some of you post and think why the heck do i hold myself back im way funnier and cuter than you

tell your sleeping friends that the real heat comes out after 7pm pst

the response if i was in a pod on naked attraction would be:

Rapture? I hardly know her!

buying tylenol from your high school weed dealer

hot girls are in credit debt

edible is starting to finally hit muahahahaha

so fun✨✨✨

for each like, i’ll tell you something i wouldn’t admit to my parents

i really wish i was confident enough to be that dumb or vice versa

Rapture my hole > Rapture my soul

Pumpkin spice AstroGlide

this just in: assholes ruin everything and blame everyone else for it

it's so nice to see what a functioning judiciary looks like "A transgender woman in the East African nation of Kenya has won a landmark court victory in which the judge not only found in her favour, but ordered the government to pass a Transgender Protection Rights Act." fuck yeah

i’ve been home for literal hours and i’m still wearing normal pants. te fuck

the fact that all of news media and social apps are owned by alt right billionaires is so fucking depressing

jimmy kimmel comes out on stage tonight, farts into the mic, leaves

i will be disappearing in japan. not even faking my death, just poof nevermind the blue eyed adonis shopping at a 7-11 in kyoto you bumped into

Standing firm in its decision to pre-empt Jimmy Kimmel Live! even as ABC and Nexstar agree to air the show across the country again, Seattle TV station KOMO confirmed today that it would instead air an hour of Sinclair CEO Christopher Ripley sucking off President Donald Trump.

"UPDATE: Sinclair is NOT going to broadcast Jimmy Kimmel, even though ABC is resuming production. Sinclair has demanded that Kimmel personally donate to Turning Point USA, a right-wing political organization.' they need some more financial pain. boycott

Fascism has descended upon the united states & this website can’t even fix spotify links

yall, we’re like 10 days away from me sitting on a plane and time traveling to tokyo

i think if i could amass like 5 quality reply guys (gender neutral) id be set. like

dating older women is forever underrated

typos are gods way of saying “let’s rethink that one homie”

would you still love me if it didn’t look like that?

would you still love me if i wasn’t pulling this dumper behind me?

New statue on the National Mall

sorry about my self-deprecating sense of humor, it’s the unhealed childhood trauma